This is starting to scare me a little...

I was doing a personality disorder quiz online (which I don't normally do) and was surprised that my highest score was BPD...so, being the way that I am, I decided to research.

Well, I came across this site page:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx10.htm

And it is scary...that is me...

I do want a lot of attention, due to having virtually no self-esteem...and when I don't get any, I feel like the person in question doesn't care about me and then I get self-destructive.
Although I tend to have those feelings in short spurts, they are very powerful and later I will think about it and be embarrassed.

I also see people as black and white sometimes...things will be great, until something happens then all of a sudden my view will shift and that person won't seem so great (although I don't usually verbally tell them that)...but again, it's temporary and I love them again in like 15-20 minutes (very rarely is it any longer than that).
However, I do not throw tantrums...but if a person can get me angry enough I have had some outrageous fits, where I've thrown things, broken things and lashed out on myself...but that's only happened with my parents, no one else could possibly make me that angry.
On the main, I am pretty nice...it takes a LOT to make me angry.

I also have very fuzzy thoughts about myself that I can't verbalize...my husband will ask "What's wrong?" and all I can conjur up is an "I don't know..."

I also have recurring thoughts of suicide and can be very self-destructive off and on...and am sexually impulsive and (especially when in a bad mood) will eat massive amounts of food.

The list goes on and on...but I'm tired of dealing with this, it's so stressful...

Does anyone know more about this or what I can do about it? I would get help but have NO money and no aid.

What can I do??!

I dunno...you say you have thoughts of suicide, that is why I am replying to you.

The fact that you would like attention/affection from others does not mean you have low self esteem. Also, feeling different about some one because they did some thing to piss you off is normal.

You seem to 'react' to a problem but are self critical of that reaction as if you do not want to behave this way. Such as, you may feel depressed for a reason, so you think about suicide. Or, you feel differently to some one because they piss you off. Or, you have sex when you are in a bad temper. Or, you eat food when you are feeling negative emotions.

These 'reactions' to situations are some thing you have mentioned feeling 'embarrised' about later.

The bottom line is avoid personality disorder tests online and reading psychology books about mental illness because we all feel we have some of the symptoms but I firmly believe you are just fine.

It could be that you simply have trouble making decisions or feel some times you are making the wrong decision. So, like, think before you act and try and find the right decision or reaction or course of action to take and stick with it until the end so you can for sure find out if it is true. If you find you actually made a bad decision, do not feel bad, just learn from it to never make that choice again because it is wrong.

It'll be like - I feel depressed because I have problems - I gonna cut my wrists.
Then - think - will cutting my wrists solve my problems?
You will realise that you need positive action against your problems to solve them so think about other ways of dealing with the problems.

Also, depression - you may think sex/food will solve your bad emotions.
If it does not work, think of other ways that make you feel better because only you know what works best for you.

You have a whole life time to try and find what the right choices are to make in life - life is a learning experience and you have much to learn about your self and life. Sure, there will be failures along the way but think positively because the only bad thing about failure is not learning from failure. You have to learn from it to make it positive.

Silvine

go to a doctor. stop diagnosing yourself from the internet.

according to health advice on the internet, i could be pregnant, about to have stroke, suffering from IBS, having 87 types of cancer, and suffering from 9 mental disorders.

thinking you have something after reading about it is useless. you need to go to someone qualified to diagnose you.

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Raise the dead on your turntable.

I knew that everyone would make a big deal about the internet thing. Believe me, I don't take those seriously...this was out of a general, frivolous interest.

It just got me interested in looking at it...THEN I thought about it. I really have no other source to tell me these things, I have no money to see anyone, really.

I made a thread just like this about a week ago...
Everyone was way nicer to you. Wonder why?

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The greatest asset they all have is themselves. And yet does anybody promote that to them? Does anybody tell them that they are the greatest asset they have? Or are they steered to idol worship? Are they moved, are they motivated, are they inspired to look at the president or any politician as their only salvation? If they are, it's just a shame.