I don't think I've made a "misery thread" in here before, or at least not for mulitple years now, so even though in a way it kind of embaresses me to be doing this I want to get this out/get some opinions.

Like, I've had problems with not being happy all my life. Its particually upsetting at the moment watching on the news kids opening their GCSE and A Level results knowing that at the time I didn't care about anything enough to try and when I did get good grades I basically didn't give a shit.

And I don't know if that anything to do with how I feel now, but I just can not feel happy or positive about anything. I've felt just really sad for periods of time before, but then they change because I sort of burn out of them or something good happens at a time when I'm vaguely receptive to that. Then for a while now I haven't been able to have a single thing make me feel any less awful. Like going out with my friends I can't really appreciate them and I definately can't have fun, and I'm too paranoid and exhausted to meet new people, so that just makes me feel worse. Listening to/watching/reading/doing anything that used to make me feel good - still I get nothing. Even exercise, instead of endorphin release now I just get this empty feeling. I can't have boyfriends because I can't really enjoy being with them or going out with them because even though its someone I care about its obvious my heart isn't in anything - and thats not something people can emotionally invest in.

And I know these are all things where its automatic to think "Yeah, depression", but its different to times before where I've felt "depressed".
Basically because it was kind of this really slow onset thing and has been so long that it seems it will never go away. Sometimes I do feel almost unbearably unhappy, yeah, but most of the time its just complete absence of joy - and knowing that whatever I could possibly be doing that would still be the case - rather than actively feeling sad. Plus I've never felt like the people around me don't care as much as I do now. I tell myself "they do and the way you're thinking means you don't see it", but all this stuff keeps happening where its just so obvious no one gives a shit anymore.

Basically, I'm just worried that being unfullfilled in many ways over the years (too much to go into considering how long this already is, but not really important anyway) now means that I'm never actually going to be able to feel happy about anything ever again. The ironic thing about all of this is that I'm normally despite everything quite an optimistic person. I've been to doctors and spoken to people about it and because I have been able to cope so far I generally just get a "you'll be fine", but I know I wont because for that to be the case SOMETHING would have to change (not only would something majour have to be different in my life and about me, but I'd have to be able to escape myself enough for that to make a difference) and I genuinly can't ever see that happening.

Does anyone know how to stop feeling like this? Or just can anyone relate so I don't have to feel so alone about it?

yes. almost exactly.

i'm never happy/satisfied/fulfilled and have learnt to live with the fact.

have you ever met someone who was overly happy and joyous almost all of the time, thinking positive thoughts, having things go their way all the time?

WE balance all the crazy happy people out.

don't think there is a way to 'stop feeling like this' unless you seek medical, spiritual or psychological help. if you accept yourself as you are in mind, body and spirit then you'll see there is nothing you need to 'fix' to make yourself more normal. fuck normality!

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I hate them.
I used to be convinced they fake it.

Yeah those people are annoying!

I wasn't really talking about that though. I was talking about never feeling any better than when you feel completely awful - all the time. I think you need that in life, and I don't think its necessarily trying to be "normal". Its a vital part of living that we want things and are able to make decisions based on what we would prefer. Like if you decide there is no point in eating and sleeping then you die, and if you decide there is no point in having sex you don't reproduce. And the human race would die out pretty fast.

Fuck being happy all the time, thats rediculous, you're supposed to have days where you feel like shit and situations where you just want to curl up in a ball and die. But you're not supposed to feel that way all the time and about anything. I don't give a shit whether I'm normal or not.

i relate, nfcer. i do i do. i just feel empty, bored.....uptight. uptight as all hell when there are people around. and when i'm alone...i'm comfortable, but so fucking sad, and bored, that i do bad things.....ya know. all the cliche behaviors you can think of. i dunno. i hope you can feel happy some day. what's it like having big brother drooling all over you btw? he's an arsehole to everyone else but the brains. lawl. yer really fkn pretty btw. i wish i had yer features. xxdash

depending on your views of life, you may think what i'm about to say is a crock...

i really believe that eating healthily, avoiding processed foods and exercising regularly can improve your sense of wellbeing drastically... massage, accupuncture and bodywork are also a good option. some say that depression is a symptom rather than a condition.
finding a spiritual practice may offer some help, if that's your thing.

a lot of people are like this

i don't think that necessarily means you should accept that you always will be

i think you should be looking for something that'll make you happy

everyone's got something; you just haven't found it yet

I was under the impression Big Brother only liked emaciated women, because he was actually gay, or something? ta much, luv. Your pictures always look really pretty, but you always look angry.

When I see this type of thread I think "boring...typical" but I know that if I spent an hour trying to suss out my mental state and typing it up, I'd come up with something very similar. I'd rather avoid doing that right now though.

I seem to make everyone I'm close to miserable, too. I'll probably annoy my boyfriend so much by being temperamental (it's hard to hide it sometimes; yesterday I had to make him stop playing my piano, so I could sit there and play and cry for an hour and a half) that he won't feel bad about splitting up with me before uni. And I wouldn't care. I feel really distant from everyone and everything, like nothing can touch me, so what does it matter? I really, really understand what you're saying in your post. Especially the first three paragraphs; embarassment about self-indulgence of misery threads, GCSE/A level results and the loss of even temporary spells of happiness.

All my "friends" are happy and mindless; I've hardly seen them all holiday because we haven't been forced together by school. I know I won't keep in touch with them when I go to uni. They do get upset over some things, but they're usually completely superficial that they'll be over in a day or two.

This isn't a very ordered post and it doesn't really describe anything in particular, but I just wanted to say I know how you feel.

I get annoyed by happy people. If I'm happy for an unusually prolongued period I start worrying about what's gone wrong and whether I've become stupid. I sort of feel guilty about having betrayed myself by doing it; then I slide back into my usual state of mind.

Clinquant's right, there's a lot of unfulfilled people. I really hate how when I tell grown-ups I'm going to university, their eyes mist over and they start reminscing, telling me I'm at the best time of my life. Shit, if it's all downhill from here... I'm really going to hate university. I hate making friends. I find it hard to make the crucial first step; feigning an interest in the other person.

happiness is selfish

you sound very well adjusted and normal

Have you been to see a doctor? You could try medication, such as the SSRI (selective serotonine reuptake inhibitors) drugs. Those drugs are widely used for treatment of depression, and they aren't addictive such as the drugs that include benzodiazepines.
It is however important to follow the ordination of the SSRI drugs, otherwise depression could get worse. It takes up to a month before full effect and you have to take them for a minimum of 6 months (I think). And they are expensive... However it could be worth it. Serotonine is great!

medication just masks the real issue at hand rather than solving anything. last resort.

the whole meaning of life is to lead an unfulfilled existence!

Is depression the same as meaninglessness?

essentially
but i call it "natural disillusionment"
what do you expect
and if you are happy generally youre probabaly ignorant(out of sight out of mind) and oblivious
u see, third world countries are rich places, abundant in resources, and many of these countries have the capacity to feed their starving people and the children we always see digging for food in trash on commercials. But plutocracies, in other words a government run by the rich such as this one and traditionally oppressive European states, force the third world into buying overpriced, unnecessary goods while exporting huge portions of their natural resources.


if we didn't have these people to exploit then America wouldn't be rich enough to let us have these little petty material things in our lives and basic standards of living. No, that's wrong. It's the business giants and the government officials who make all the real money. We have whatever they kick down to us. My enemy is not the average white man, it's not the kid down the block or the kids I see on the street; my enemy is the white man I don't see: the people in the white house, the corporate monopoly owners, fake liberal politicians those are my enemies. The generals of the armies that are mostly conservatives those are the real Mother-Fuckers that I need to bring it to, not the poor, broke country-ass soldier that's too stupid to know shit about the way things are set up.


pretty much sums it up well done immortal technique
now try and be happy! chemically or otherwise


i destroyed my ability to produce serotonin!
im fine