I don't think I've made a "misery thread" in here before, or at least not for mulitple years now, so even though in a way it kind of embaresses me to be doing this I want to get this out/get some opinions.

Like, I've had problems with not being happy all my life. Its particually upsetting at the moment watching on the news kids opening their GCSE and A Level results knowing that at the time I didn't care about anything enough to try and when I did get good grades I basically didn't give a shit.

And I don't know if that anything to do with how I feel now, but I just can not feel happy or positive about anything. I've felt just really sad for periods of time before, but then they change because I sort of burn out of them or something good happens at a time when I'm vaguely receptive to that. Then for a while now I haven't been able to have a single thing make me feel any less awful. Like going out with my friends I can't really appreciate them and I definately can't have fun, and I'm too paranoid and exhausted to meet new people, so that just makes me feel worse. Listening to/watching/reading/doing anything that used to make me feel good - still I get nothing. Even exercise, instead of endorphin release now I just get this empty feeling. I can't have boyfriends because I can't really enjoy being with them or going out with them because even though its someone I care about its obvious my heart isn't in anything - and thats not something people can emotionally invest in.

And I know these are all things where its automatic to think "Yeah, depression", but its different to times before where I've felt "depressed".
Basically because it was kind of this really slow onset thing and has been so long that it seems it will never go away. Sometimes I do feel almost unbearably unhappy, yeah, but most of the time its just complete absence of joy - and knowing that whatever I could possibly be doing that would still be the case - rather than actively feeling sad. Plus I've never felt like the people around me don't care as much as I do now. I tell myself "they do and the way you're thinking means you don't see it", but all this stuff keeps happening where its just so obvious no one gives a shit anymore.

Basically, I'm just worried that being unfullfilled in many ways over the years (too much to go into considering how long this already is, but not really important anyway) now means that I'm never actually going to be able to feel happy about anything ever again. The ironic thing about all of this is that I'm normally despite everything quite an optimistic person. I've been to doctors and spoken to people about it and because I have been able to cope so far I generally just get a "you'll be fine", but I know I wont because for that to be the case SOMETHING would have to change (not only would something majour have to be different in my life and about me, but I'd have to be able to escape myself enough for that to make a difference) and I genuinly can't ever see that happening.

Does anyone know how to stop feeling like this? Or just can anyone relate so I don't have to feel so alone about it?

yes. almost exactly.

i'm never happy/satisfied/fulfilled and have learnt to live with the fact.

have you ever met someone who was overly happy and joyous almost all of the time, thinking positive thoughts, having things go their way all the time?

WE balance all the crazy happy people out.

don't think there is a way to 'stop feeling like this' unless you seek medical, spiritual or psychological help. if you accept yourself as you are in mind, body and spirit then you'll see there is nothing you need to 'fix' to make yourself more normal. fuck normality!

I hate them.
I used to be convinced they fake it.

Yeah those people are annoying!

I wasn't really talking about that though. I was talking about never feeling any better than when you feel completely awful - all the time. I think you need that in life, and I don't think its necessarily trying to be "normal". Its a vital part of living that we want things and are able to make decisions based on what we would prefer. Like if you decide there is no point in eating and sleeping then you die, and if you decide there is no point in having sex you don't reproduce. And the human race would die out pretty fast.

Fuck being happy all the time, thats rediculous, you're supposed to have days where you feel like shit and situations where you just want to curl up in a ball and die. But you're not supposed to feel that way all the time and about anything. I don't give a shit whether I'm normal or not.