shadow

Except "Rainbow Connection", presumably.

Sorry!

Love is in teh air!

sounds like you need to do what i'm doing! well perhaps not to such an extreme extent...but we all need GOOD people around us, not needy drainers. have you ever noticed that it's the needy drainers who think that they're completely normal and seem totally unaware of how needy and draining they are on other people? and people like us, the helpers, often feel like we're not good enough and not helpful enough because these people don't change?

well...i've come to believe that being helpful just enables their bull**** and does not help them change. so in a way i think i'm helping my friends by not letting them come to me with their stuff and i'm also helping myself. maybe your needy friends actually need the same push from you? because it does sound like you don't get enough you-time. and i've only just learned how good and necessary it is, so i say go for it

carpe conservo. i like it.

...i'm sure i'll get bored at some point but i'll take it as it comes. i feel like i'm focusing on myself for the first time in my life and it's so good. sounds rotten but my friends could be quite burdensome in a lot of ways. i've never been this selfish in my life but **** it, i think i deserve it after all the years of picking up the pieces of other people's lives while completely neglecting my own.

gosh what a RANT. anyway it is very cool to have you to talk to about this because like i say, i've more or less cut off most of my irl friends after realising that they are too problematic to have in my life at the moment. they don't even know i've quit drinking. this is a very interesting time for me and i appreciate your words <3

i had to split this into two messages! sorry it's so long

haha, no, i'm in new zealand.
your therapist dumped you?! how the **** does a therapist even do that? isn't that against everything they're meant to stand for?! ugh, that's just so ****ty i don't know what else to say other than i'm really sorry. and you are obviously not hopeless, you always sound so peaceful and wise. you're not all over the place like i am, no way.

well i am kind of paranoid about anti-depressants, even though almost everyone i know is on them. it's just that my dad was on and off prozac when he...you know. i might be at that point where i need them because sometimes the ups and downs are intolerable...although i think that what i've done so far, i.e cutting out drinking and my friends, has been a really good move...

hey! yeah i have tried therapy and stuff but it didn't really work for me :/
my problem is mainly that i find my problems trivial and insignificant compared to other people's problems, especially when i say them out loud. also it takes me AGES to really open up to someone, in person anyway. my other problem is that a lot of my friends (mainly the ones i've had to cut out because they drink a lot and like their drugs), are always telling me how normal i am compared to them. i know they're just trying to help but it really doesn't, if anything it just makes my anxiety worse.

well anyway, i am doing ok! day two of complete and utter sobriety...i feel like things are finally clearing up for me. tell me that story when you feel up to it! thanks for the message xxx

k. have a nice dindin! <3 til next time...

yikes! i will so be calling Nana to prep. She always was the queen of scrabble. I wish I could take you RIGHT NOW to the kern county mountains to meet her. we'd...okay you both would make good food (i suck and would just do dishes) and play scrabble and enjoy lifestuffs.

aww. happy for you and your irl. triumphant is a great word! i wanna sleep on your couch, eat key lime pie and play scrabble with you. i dunno why, but i think you'd play scrabble with me! am i wrong?