Gah! I just left you with a rep essentially saying I SUCK AT HAIR ADVICE and then read the rest of the thread. but the silicone thing... well yeah, there was another thread on the matter quite recently so you could probably do a search and read my (possibly ill-formed) thoughts on the matter and
KR can be saved from yet another lengthy post from resident rambler black mambo.
But, in a nutshell, most commercial shampoos are loaded with that silicone pish. And it's true, it's harder to take a hairstyle with that crap all on your hair. Hairdyes, perms, etc just drop out b/c of that shit.
I don't know that it necessarily makes hair frizzy but maybe it does. I've not noticed.
I reckon some styling lotion might do the trick, from what little time I've spent in a hairdresser having my hair curled. It's possible to get good definition, if that's what you're saying. I think bumble and bumble (did I just make that shit up?) does some, iirc, and it made my hair wavy and nice. And you can bang some tongs on the situation and make it excellently curly (with good hold, which I s'pose is key?) too if you so desire. So I thought that stuff was pretty good, but I know fuck all so grab yourself a kilo of salt to take with my advice.
How did this post end up so long? :S