ok here's the deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months. Everything is going great except one maaajor thing and that is me holding things in. I really hate doing this but i dont know how to break this cycle. I know he's not a mind reader , but i find myself saying something is ok when it really hurts. Now i realize this is my fault. The thing is i want to be open with how i really feel at that time instead of saying "its ok, i understand". Honestly i believe i say this to avoid hurting him or making it seem like im attacking him. I know he loves me but at the same time he has told me this is his first true relationship especially going this long , plus he's a guy (no offense to the male species) and they dont think before they act or speak. Ill give a recent story about what im talking about.....




Last weekend was my birthday . He wanted to spend my birthday with me so i went to his house. Keep in mind that he's been under alot of stress with work and family life. We had planned to go out that evening but his father took the car so we couldnt go. Totally understandable. Well a while later that day he said he really wanted to take me out and i said "its ok i understand" . Now here's where it gets complicated. On my birthday he didnt get me a gift or anything , like i would have done for him. I feel like im being selfish about that and i dont say anything except for " its ok i understand" for fear that he will think its expected and that what he does isnt good enough. Its hard for me because i know he does try but he can be a little selfish. But on the other hand i feel it's partly my fault for allowing him to do this or in better words not being honest with him from the start and when i do that i think and think and stew and stew and cry and cry . And when i feel like expressing how i feel about something, i feel like its too late and that i should have voiced myself then and that its only bringing up the past. I know this is not healthy and i know i should be honest from the start. I feel like ive cheated him out of knowing how i feel and just downright lie. When he says "whats wrong" i usually say "nothing, im fine". I know this is not healthy thats why im coming here for advice. Im sorry for rambling , i just really need some help and advice on this. I want to be honest with him on how i feel so he can know what i feel because i know he cares. I just dont know how to stop or do it right or what i should do from here. I want honest advice from mature understanding people.



Thank you


Ashley

how can you have a relationship if you cant be open and honest with the person?

buck up and say something. this is how people end up having others take advantage of them, or it just makes you weak and unable to stick up for yourself and your feelings.

dont be like that. buck up and say something. speaking your mind feels so much better than holding things in, because eventually you will explode and probably bring up things from the past that are totally irrelevant now, but bothered you back then.

This is a bad habit to get into. Resentment will build over time until it begins to sabatoge your relationship. Talk to him. Even if it's after the fact, just get used to being open with him. Using humour is also helpful.

absolutly i agree. I need balls. Its just i dont really know how to say it , ya know. Its like its there i just cant get it out. I really love this person but this is something that could ruin our relationship if it doesent stop. I need to say whats on my mind then and there , i know i cant keep holding it in. Would it be best to not bring up this past weekend or other past things since it was days ago, but in the future be honest? I just dont want to bring up past stuff, and i wanna make a freash start with me being honest with myself. I dont wanna hold back anymore, i hate myself for that

Start fresh.

Stand up and put your girl pantys on!