edit.

I got paranoid.

I was reading about psychic vampires the other week, this article is a bit new agey in content but even so, after reading it, I couldn't help but find it a bit of a revelation:

Psychic vampires - and how to deal with them

Look at the 9 signs of a psychic vampire and see how many boxes your 'friends' tick.

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challenging the heterosexist matrix in a single flounce

"Hello, my name is Rula Lenska and as always, I want to look my best"

Gelf, why don't you just tell the male friend that you hate talking on the phone? Which is a bit true, no? Like if you joke about it à la "Well I guess you weren't aware of my recent coming-out as a phone-hater?"... or tell the blunt truth "Well, I love you very much but speaking on the phone with you makes my ears bleed! Let's see each other in person so you can tell me to my face that you want to kill yourself next time we get near?!". You are such a shining and spontaneous person gelf, I'm pretty sure it will pass. Or this guy doesn't get you at all anyway.

?

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Who needs love when there's Southern Comfort?

for the second guy just tell him that you dont like talking on the phone much but have been doing it with him bc you miss him, but you cant do it much anymore.

also next time he pulls this suicide **** tell him you cant panic anymore about him and will call the police to intervene.

for the girl, just speak your mind when shes being a nasty ***** and that should change her behavior to make her more tolerable. tell her you dont like the schadenfreude when she says something like that to you. if she has a panic attack about it, find a paper bag and tell her to breathe in it.

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The myth that women shouldn't lift heavy is perpetuated by women who fear work and men who fear women.

as do i.

when this happens to me (not wanting to be friends w/ someone anymore)... just do what you've been doing and ignore their phone calls or always be busy, etc. it seems harsh but there's no real easy way to end a friendship. maybe eventually you can just morph into email friends? i've had to do this w/ people before. and a long email is much, much more tolerable than a 2 hour one-man show over the phone.