I just rolled back into lawrence indefinitely since I've run out of living in cali money...and I run into an old friend/boy who I desperately want to **** (bad in itself, really) that's nice, we get hammered and somewhere along the line I get dragged to this party...from what i remember of it it was pretty much what I imagine a circle of hell would be like for me...filled with people I hoped I would never see ever ever again because I've shamed myself too many times in front of this crowd. i wake up the next morning and i am told by my friend that i drunkenly propositioned my old roommate through text message (wtf?
) needless to say he gets ****ed and i end up going off with his straight buddy and ****ing around until for some reason or another I push him into a sliding glass door. and at that point I guess they got me into my car and made me DRIVE us the hell out of there which i do not remember doing.
i'm still terrified to open up my text messages and i deleted whatever it was that was sent/ sent to me without looking. now i'm using this snow as an excuse to not leave the house. what's worse is that i don't think i'm being told the full story about whatever else it was i did and it's not ****ing coming back to me. i have every reason for paranoia