Hey Kitties

A little advice. Because I go out of my mind trying to figure this out in my own head. Basically I want to know how to be a little more 'unavailable' for my boyfriend. More exciting and mysterious and not just make my life all about him.

Here's the background info;

We've been together for over a year, first 6 months we spent every moment together that we werent working, both pretty obsessed with each other, both had normal jobs though and spent our evenings doing fun stuff together.

But the last 6 months my boy has been working night shifts. And since he's been doing that, things have changed.. We never get to do any of the usual relationship stuff together (go out, experience stuff together) because hes constantly working. This has really put my life on hold.
He works about 12 hr shifts, and after sleeping he has about an hour or two before he gets ready and goes again. This has been up to 6 days a week sometimes.

to put it mildly and ill openly admit, this has made me become rather obsessive in my attempts to spend every minute possible with him when hes home. My life is just about him (& yes its getting boring for me too) Yet, he's usually tired, seems uninterested in sex (i do believe this is because of time and tiredness), and would rather watch tv then spend quality time with me coz hes too tired to do much else (& i dont have much interesting to talk about) and really and hour or less a day is no amount of time in which to do anything fun or exciting together.

So I can see the needy monster i have become, and its not that attractive, i do feel it has made him less interested in me. i mean 'abscence makes the heart go fonder' or whatever, and having a chick following u around every spare minute u have at home must really begin to get on your nerves..

the problem really is i dont know how to be less 'available', without faking it. we live together for a start. i dont have many friends to hang out with (im 24 and i really dont know how to make new friends at this age!). i find myself being there for him to help him make some dinner to take to work most nights, doing his washing for him and helping him get ready for work so we have more time together..

im usually the one initiating sex (& often getting rejected coz its never a good time / opp body clocks and stuff)
im usually waiting up at night for his late night phonecall (on his break)
then i wake up at 5-6am when he gets home to spend an hour with him before he sleeps
i make sure im home by 4-5pm to see him when he wakes up to get ready for work

i know, get a life right? then id have something more interesting to talk to him about (and not just him and his work and my evening at home with the cat , lol) but how? ive always been in serious relationships since age 16, and not quite sure how to have my own independance, etc..

how can i make myself more interesting
how can i make new friends or find new hobbies
basic stuff right..

what are your tips on keeping yourself more mysterious to your boyf?
dont laff at me pleeassse hehehehe :P :P :P

OH also, this work hes been doing is finishing THIS WEEK., woohoo, we will probably start to be a bit better but i fear the stigma of my obsessiveness will still be hanging over our heads, you know? xo

being w. someone who works 3rd shift sucks *** from my experience and others who have been through it as well
try to find a new bf

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

You say you make sure you get home to see him before work. I say **** that, if you have something to do then do it. I think that you need to give him a little space. If the only time he gets on his own, whilst actually awake, is when his at work he must be pretty stressed and wanting to have a bit of lone time and just chill out by himself. We all need that time!

As for making new friends, why dont you start doing something with your evenings when his at work. Maybe join a reading group, dance class or just spend more time with the friends you do have. It'll have a lot of benefits. 1) it'll give you something interesting to talk about when he is around. 2) it'll fill up your spare time so you aren't waiting around for him to call, that is no way to live! & 3) it will make you feel better as you will be more sociable and maybe experience new things and make new friends.

Also, stop doing everything for him! I know its hard, as i love making my boyfriend dinner, doing his washing, making him breakfast in bed ect as he likes it. But you dont want to be taken for granted, which tbh it sounds like you are!

I think that by giving him space and also not constantly being there for him to do everything will give him the wake up he needs! &Maybe you should also talk to him about this, see what he actually wants.

To be honest I think you're a bit of a trooper for putting up with such a difficult situation. I'd say the problem is more that you feel you don't have enough going on in your own life and you should focus on that rather than making it about your boyfriend. But yeah you're right, once you have your own stuff going on it'll improve your relationship because you'll be happier.

set up "date nights" in advance so you can be together and look forward to seeing each other.

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