sorri this is super long. i just need to vent and i doesnt have anyone to talk to, since i dont like to share my personal things like this with my friends..i just need help, wat should i do.

I am so confuse now. i had a fight with my bf(whom i lived with for nearly 3 years now) last friday over a stupid issue that i didnt pick up my fone! i put my fone on silent when i was in class(and was talking to lecturer regarding projects stuff), thats why i didnt notice until i heard the vibration of the fone, on the 6th calls he made. i picked up and he got so angry that i didnt pick up all his calls earlier. he curse at me and calls me name, and said he will beat the hell out of me when i come home i was whispering trying to tell him that i'm in class, was talking to lecturer. as i knew already, his nature of bad temper, he didnt listen and called me names and hang up. he is possessive and jealous, that's how he is. he thought i was up to something else, doing stuff at his back (which i never did ) once he heard the lecturer voice talking then he hung up

i was kinda terrified when i was otw home. when i got home, i went inside the room. there he was. he asked me, 'where was u and why u didnt pick up the fone' so i explain to him. and then he asked again and again he said 'i dont want to beat u,im asking for the last time, tell me the truth' i was shaking my head and i made upset/pissed off faces because i was UPSET, why the hell he needed to ask me so many times as if i was fucking at the back of him. i raise my voice a bit, trying to emphasize the same shit i was telling him. he easily snap when i am rude or watever he consider rude to him. i can see his face was angry and he walked near to me, i got scare so i backed off until i lean to the wall and he came near to me and i said ' dont fucking touch me!' (because long time ago, he beat me when we had fight, so i was terrified that he will beat me) then he snap when he heard i said that, he was like ' what did u say?' and i was covering myself with my hand and he slapped me

i was crying and went hysterical. and i didnt heard clearly wat he said, but he mention something that he doesnt want like me saying that he couldnt touch me, and goes on with the shit that u are not some other girl, u fucking my girl and our relationship is not just for fcksake anymore, its serious. so i should respect him and etc. i was hysterical because i was terrified that he will beat the hell out of me, so i was not listening and crying. then he left.

i was crying in the room, and he came again to talk, but i just ignore him, my hand was still covering my face n i cried. i ignore him when he talk n he left. after awhile, i got up and took my car keys and house keys to leave. and i past by him while i was making my way to the door. he came after me and ask me to come in and dont make scene outside. i was crying, i wanted to go home (my parent's place, coz every friday i will go there for a weekend, its like 40mins drive) and he said, dont leave like this. if u want to go, get ur bag atleast (coz i was leaving with just the keys) so i went inside, n stayed in the middle room. after awhile he came and knock the door. i lock it and he asked me to open it. i open the door, i was just sitting on the floor, and still crying..i was so upset. he tried to talk to me, and touch my hand softly and i avoid him. he tried again and i did the same. he said sorry for wat he did and said, he knew i was in class. but its just he snapped when i was being rude(i consider it as upset ) thats why he slap me. he said sorry and i ignore him, i was still crying. he went outside and called our chihuahua to come inside to me. and i just ignore him and mojo, i didnt move. he left, after awhile i pack up my bagpack and left. he came to me and ask if im sure i wanted to go, can i drive etc. i just nod and left. when i got in the car he called me, asking where am i, do i have money or not, have petrol. i said yes and he told me to drive carefully and called him when i got home. i was crying all the way home, and otw he called me again if i am ok, driving etc. i said yes. when i got home, i sms himm 'got home' and he reply 'ok'

since then i didnt called him or he called me or sms. i called him in the middle of the night around 1am. he didnt pick up his fone, i called like zillion times to say sorry for being hysterical and etc. and wanna say goodnite. he didnt pick up his fone. i use this navigator that i install as Friend Finder, that will let me know his location without his knowing it. it shows that he is in the clubbing area like 5 mins from my parents place. i tried few times, it said the same things and he still didnt pick up his fone nor answer my sms. i was so pissed off, i drove there and waited infront of the club for few hours in car, until the club close. he didnt came out, while waiting i kept on calling him.i was so angry he didnt pick up my calls for hours now. after the club close, i was driving around the area in other club if maybe i could see him, by that time i was bloody pissed off at him. i didnt see him anywhere so i drove back home at nearly 5 am. i called him like 20x more, he didnt pick up. then suddenly he picked up. i scream at him, asking where the fuck are u. i was so angry i lost control, i curse at him and i kept on asking where the fuck are u. he said he was in the bar, with his friends(a new circle of friend which i doesnt like how he became when they r around, he tend to ignore my calls even before this. with his old friend he never did this) i got so angry i called him names like bastard, son of a bitch and stuff which i never did ever for 3 yrs relationship. i was so angry and lost my control.. he said he is drunk, he was not at the place i thought he was as he said, and he didnt pick up my calls because i didnt pick his calls when i was in class, so i did the same.thats mean, he knew i call him for like this zillions time!! i got so angry i said,
'i hate u, i hate u! u are a cancer in my life, u destroy me!i hate u with all my heart!go away from me!' because that time, i really hate him and i hang up.

until now, i didnt called him and off the fone. now that turn on my fone, there's no single sms or calls from him. i have no idea what happen on his side, did he packed up and leave already? is he still there but just ignoring me?why he didnt called me and say sorry?doesnt he care? should i call him? should i go back home and see him? i suppose to go back tonight coz i have class tomorrow. part of me telling that not to go and not to go back home until he call me and apologize. he knew im not clingy type. i called once in awhile, just to talk for a min like 'hi, wat r u up to. bla bla,ok just wanna say goodnite' and i doesnt even mind if he want to hang out with his friends. sometimes i encourage him to, coz i dont want him to be bored.i feel bad. its just wat bother me is, he tried to make me pissed off on purpose after wat he did to me earlier. like, wtf? i know he is not a bad person, he done alot for me.but why sometimes he is behaving like an asshole.i am so confuse now.

i think you should do whatever it takes to make it work with this guy. he is your one true love and you belong to him. if he wants to slap you, that's his choice. you should always answer when your man calls. if he does not answer when you call, you should remember that his life outside the relationship is more important than yours and wait patiently for him to call you back.

thanks for your reply and sharing ur thoughts.

actually that is what i have been doin for all these years, its the reason we made it nearly 3 years. he said, i am the nearest woman next to him beside his mother, i did things that no one ever did other than his mother and we both(me and his mom) did just purely because we love him. also because i have patient for watever he do, i just swallow it. i know he acknowledge it, i can tell because for eg.sometimes when i sleep, i felt that he kisses my cheek and forehead. and he touch me like rubbing my back with his hand, while he is doin his works etc when. meaning he care.atleast a bit.

its just so confusing sometimes when he got mad, he hurt me. isnt it love, shouldnt hurt? is it normal for this to happen in relationship? sometimes i just keep in mind that, not everyone is perfect. some guys are superb nice infront, but at ur back they cheated and have affair. some guys are lazy arse and stuff. and mine is bad temper and egoistic. i always put myself under his hand. its just maybe i hv to swallow everything. but i wanted to teach him not to be rude anymore, will do as you suggest to wait for him to call me back..maybe for tonight i wont go back home..

Whether he loves you or not,

Do you really think you can deal with these jealous rages in the long-term? I mean I know couples argue and we sometimes need a good cry over things, but for him not to lay off once you were in (what sounds like) floods of tears, for him to keep ranting even more, and to even slap you then... that is all A BIT much.

It sounds like he does genuinely care about you on some level - making sure you were going to be ok to drive in your state, and making sure you were ok while you were on the journey. And it sounds like he can be a kind and gentle person sometimes.

But those moments in between the caring and gentleness are not good. Not at all. Those moments where he flies into a verbal and sometimes physical rage that not even the sight of his gf sobbing and cowering can coax him out of, are these moments you are prepared to accept in order to have the nice times?

I personally wouldn't accept that, or at least I seriously hope I wouldn't. I don't want to seem alarmist, but this is how long-term physical and psychological abuse begins... right now it might just seem like the occasional jealous rage, the odd slap here and there. But are you willing to hang in there to see if things become better, while risking the very real possibility of things getting worse? Because you really need to consider what worse MEANS: this man could destroy your confidence and self-worth to the point where you believe you are nothing without him, he could sabotage your relationships with your family and friends to the point where you feel you have no one to turn to, and he will find ever more idiotic "reasons" for laying a violent hand on you, and all the while you will accept it, because he is right and you are wrong.

Can you see yourself in that situation?

Bear in mind, in light of the previous beating you say you have had from him, there was absolutely nothing rude about you saying "don't fucking touch me" during that argument, so you can't possibly let yourself accept that as some bullshit justification for him slapping you. In fact, what that tells me is that he doesn't even want to be reminded of his violent self, he is in denial of it, and will not tolerate it being brought up (ironically to the point that he'll just hit you again - the mind boggles, of course, but then the mind boggles about how a man could be violent towards someone he claims to love in any case). And basically, if he is in denial of his violent self, how can he possibly be expected to stop being that way?

Seriously, I could go on and on here, the bottom line is that, if you care at all about your personal safety and your psychological wellbeing, you will do what you can now to get away from this man, while you still have the will and the ability to do so.

Don't call him, not just yet. Have a think about all of this. Maybe even talk to your parents about things if you feel able to - I am sure they will be extremely angry on your behalf, they will also have plenty to say about how poisonous this man is, and they will almost certainly urge you to get away from him. And I really hope you would listen to what they have to say, because they CARE ABOUT YOU and love you, moreso than this man ever can.

Uhh, as soon as he beat you that first time you should have left him. He's not an asshole sometimes, he just is.

It'll happen again, most likely. If you let it, which it kinda sounds like you might.

He isn't worth all the time you took to even write that original post.