| hi jayne.
ive never been in this serious of a long distance relationship. but ive definitely been in one that rapidly deteriorated in the way you described. from closeness, to talking a few times a week, to me feeling like a burden because i wanted to know he was alive/i was alive and thinking about him!
and i feel like i have repeated this over and over with a couple of people who were friends. but then again, not really because our time and at least my feelings were invested big time.
its the saddest thing in the world to realize someone doesnt love you anymore. recently ive learned that its even harder when they wont even tell you that to your face and instead avoid you and act in the most cowardly way possible. it's really awful. it's like im still here being me...why arent you there loving me like always? i dont know an easy way to get over this. a lot of crying. a lot of anger. and a lot of questions which start with "WHY....?"
the worst part about it is what is happening to you. you're starting to feel crazy and needy and upset all the time. that is so so so far from healthy. you dont deserve to feel that way.
im not sure what to say except that i hope you are strong and finally have a frank discussion with him.
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The fresh heartbreak was, in a sense, like being in a foreign country; everything seemed alien, brilliant and glinting. It was as if I’d been flayed, so that even the air hurt. When you’re that unhappy, any glimmer of beauty or consolation feels like running into an old friend abroad, or seeing mountaintops through smog. Maybe we mistakenly think we want “happiness,” which we tend to picture in very vague, soft-focus terms, when what we really crave is the harder-edged intensity of experience. | 
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