haven't seen him in years really. been in touch. actually now that i think of it, i made a thread on that other board (AIP) about this, but it wasn't so, er, obviously lunacy.

nope. but more or less now, yeah. essentially. long term shit is going on. he may or may not be 100% happy with it. but that's kind of beside the point. because i felt this way well before he was involved with anyone else.

i think you're surprisingly on the mark there, yeah. it's not that i'm bored with my man (although it's long distance, and that doesn't really help. it's a very lonely relationship, and i do seek, well, something?). and it's not that the bf doesn't fulfill everything that i want in a guy, and it's not that he's not perfect for me in every way i can imagine. but it's hard to accept the way shit went in the past. especially when shit went... shit. and could have gone better. demonstrably.

i'm a nightmare.

jesus.

Relationships that start early on in your life are bound to have a major impact and will bound to resonate for some time after. After I split up and got invovled with my current partner, deep down inside, it took me ages to get over the first one. You can't help but think "what if I did this or what if I did that differently?" and you find it difficult to let go. That was the case with me, I eventually got over the guy and saw him years later and my reaction was "WHAT was I thinking at the time!" and "Lucky escape!"

Maybe the reason you feel as if you're still in love is because it ended uncomfortably for you and it's actually the closure that you're hankering for, more than the guy?

__________________

"... I don't simply wash my hair, I make love to my hair, it is a process and it shows..."

Oh he's still in Greece?

Oh, well that's why.

Do you cheat on him? If not, then that's why you're crushing on your ex so bad. You'd probably feel guilty for crushing on someone new. Having an ex to think about all the time seems safer even if you want to pursue going after him.

Yeah that's what it is. Unfinished business and a familiar object to think about when you're lonely or don't feel fulfilled.

When you're not satisfied with what you have, you can make your asshole ex-boyfriend into Rudolph Valentino in your head cause that's all you've got to work with.

This is random but it's so funny how everyone can help solve each other's problems but you can never solve yours. I go through this all the time, thinking I'm still in love with an ex, and yet, I can never say any of this to myself.

i don't cheat on my man. well not properly. i make out with the odd lady, but i don't think it counts. but that's not the point.

oh i crush on guys loads. i'm one of these types that totally fails to differentiate between when i think a guy is cool and i'd like to be friends with him, and when a guy is TOTALLY BOYFRIEND MATERIAL. etc. i do work it out in my head pretty quickly though, and i've learned not to take myself so seriously when it happens. and it's not really noteworthy.

champers i think you've got the whole situ under control right there. closure is what i could have done with, i reckon.

maybe i should do my usual 26187912648248726825 paragraphs and explain this shit. oh yay.

this is going to be a heck of an editing job in the morning.

so yeah. let's just do some storytelling. this dude, i was involved with him when i was 19ish, fairly briefly (we're talking about 6 weeks ish here) and very soon thereafter i got with current bf. the greek dude.

so the ex, he was very much a fantastic guy. ideal. quality bloke.

but i was a 'mare?!?!

i had been in a proper long term relationship prior to this (there were a couple unimportant attempts at relationships in between), and i was a total bitchcunt from hell with that previous long term dude.

and i think i was afraid of being total bitchcunt from hell with THIS dude, and so, i suppose, i never really let myself get comfortable with him, never let me be myself, etc. b/c i was so afraid of being a dick. except this carried on for 6 weeks and i was like, right wtf, i'm a lunatic. and bailed.

and then pretty quickly got with current bf. and once the ol' honeymoon period had passed with current bf, and i realised that the sun does not, in fact, shine out of his arse, i reflected on shit. and i realised that i wasn't actually bitchcunt from hell, it was just that old old old bf brought that shit out of me in a bad way. and that shit w/ the ex that i speak of in this thread could have worked out just fucking fine. and i regret that it didn't. b/c he's amazing. and i love him.

and argh?

and yeah.

lunacy.