in answer to the cantankerous one...

yes different person.

i am still very much involved with the dude from greece. long term style. it's been a good four years basically.

which makes this pretty fucking ridiculous.

and in answer to champers, no it wasn't a very long history, it was a pathetically short history. and again that makes it all the more ridiculous.

i love my bf. i would shit my pants if i broke up with my man. it'd be hard times. there'd be many tears, and loads of shitty threads on kr about how bad it is, if we broke up. etc. etc.

but my ex? i miss this guy so hard i don't even know what to say. and i've felt this way for years, but never had the gonads to just. fucking. say it. and now i'm saying it. and when i'm seeing myself type this shit, i just think that is fucking absurd. but when i think about it. FUCK.

you know?

i'm pretty sure this shit is normal? haha.

have you seen this ex? how much contact do you have with him?

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The fresh heartbreak was, in a sense, like being in a foreign country; everything seemed alien, brilliant and glinting. It was as if I’d been flayed, so that even the air hurt. When you’re that unhappy, any glimmer of beauty or consolation feels like running into an old friend abroad, or seeing mountaintops through smog. Maybe we mistakenly think we want “happiness,” which we tend to picture in very vague, soft-focus terms, when what we really crave is the harder-edged intensity of experience.

The only ex i really feel like i miss ongoing is the one who got married
did your ex get married?

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

I don't think Greece is doing the business if you're crushing on another man, especially an ex.

Calling your relationship with him 'pathetically short' tells me that you didn't get your wear and tear out of him. It's kind of like someone taking your plate of food away before you finish it. You want it back.

That's why I don't think it's ridiculous cause I can understand it.

Are you bored with your life? Are you bored with Mr. Greece? If I broke up with my boyfriend, I'd shit my pants too but not because I love him but because I've become so attached to him it would be like throwing away an old teddy bear. I'm content and comfortable with him but I'm not happy which is why I sit and think about ex-boyfriends too.

And when you're bored with your life or relationship, you usually to tend to rely on the past (ex-boyfriends) to bide your time because it's something familiar and the past can always seem like good ol' times. + the fact that you still want that plate of food back.

Maybe you should try meeting someone new.

Of course this is all speculation based on what I'm sensing.

I can relate?