everyone has to deal with this in relationships to some extent. i am ****ing awful with it. if i am slightly paranoid about my boyfriend it comes out in aggression, which isn't good
a girl was talking to him in a club when he was djing and i went over and threatened to bottle her

this was a while ago and i'm a bit better now, and i know it's wrong but i find it really hard not to be like that cos as soon as i think it i go in self defence (or attack) mode.

dyou guys have any tips on how to deal with this better? maybe good things to think to yourself to calm it down? the only thing i can seem to think in response to it is "well **** him i don't need him anyway" which works but it's not ideal.

yes don't be a ****ing psycho

trying to bottle people

otherwise you'll end up in jail

this

sounds like you depend on him for all your self worth tbh

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one incapable of her own distress

Paranoia's cute in moderation, it shows you care and so on. But if you overdo it, it becomes insulting (especially if you couple it with total outrage at any suggestion that you might cheat, which so many people so often do). Trust is a two way street, and people who never let a partner off the leash for fear of them cheating are in ****ty relationships.

My advice is to make an effort to put yourself in more situations where he has to trust you. It might help you empathise more. I don't know if it's the case with you, but most of the people I've met who are paranoid in relationships don't have very active social lives - I think sometimes they're more envious of their partners than jealous of them.

Oh, and srsly: paranoia is NOT inevitable in relationships. Not sure why you'd think it was, but it isn't.

As for calming down... um... just calm down? Not that hard really?