My boyfriend (Mr. "perfect" mentioned in another thread) and I finished on tuesday night.

(Quick background) The last 3 months had been hard and I'd be a constant pain in everyone’s ass complaining about him. We've been living in different cities and only seeing each other every other or every 3 weekends. When he came to visit it was lovely, but it quickly went to sh*t when he got home. I felt constantly check up on, ("Who's there?, How many drinks have u had? why haven't u text back? why didn't u think to charge ur phone before u went out?") and it was driving me mad. I'm a big girl, as independent as him if not more so, cause he still lives at home and I'm quite capable of looking after myself, but he felt the need to look after me, and I just let him, and I hated myself for it, because it meant I became dependent on him.

He had real issues when he was drinking as well. Used to get really angry and shout at me about anything and everything, but casually forget in the morning that it had happened and if i managed to get an apology out of him it meant very little because I knew he'd do it again. Out of my family only my bro (who I live with now) has seen what he's like when drunk, and having been and barman and a student has seen his fair share or drunk people, and still thinks my ex is scary when drunk, and he's only seen his mild craziness.

Anyways....

Mom has made the whole situation 100 times worse. My mom didn't like my last boyfriend, Jason, he was (at that stage) a student like me, but he was more interested in his band (punk = think casualties, exploited etc.) and didn't want her perfect "Presbyterian" (HAHA) princess dating a nasty hardcore anarchist, but Jason was twice the man my ex is. He never once raised his voice to me, he was smart and funny and my mum just couldn't look past his appearance (as much as she commented that it didn't bother her). We had a rocky relationship but eventually I ended it, but mum never once asked me to reconsider my choice of breaking up with him, but this time all of a sudden she's very interested.

She sees only what she wants to. My ex has just applied for the fire service, he looks "normal" drives a car, has a job (all be in minimum wage while he works through the fire service application system) treats me like a princess, makes and effort to speak to her and my father, wants to marry me (sorry wanted to marry me) and like her didn't attend college or university, so she sympathises with him when I mention university work to my father or brother (who both attended university) What she doesn’t know (including his dreadful drunken ness and obviously crazy stalker insecurity) is that he has a criminal record for punching a guy who gave him a hard time about his last ex, he has no money, and the car he drives is his dads disability car, provided free of charge to move him between hospital appointments. He’s shallow, materialistic, obsessive, but extremely generous, to the point I feel guilty for not wanting to be with him….

But She doesn’t see this, so on Tuesday evening after we’d finally finished fighting and crying and he was leaving she stopped us both and brought us back in, in an attempt to help with the situation. All she did was make it worse, she made me agree to take a few days to think about it all, because “I was having a hard time with all the new changes in my life” and told my ex I would contact him today to let him know how I was feeling. AND they’ve been texting each other. He sends all these heart felt messages about how he doesn’t know what he’ll do if I decide this is it (which I’m pretty sure I decided on Tuesday!!) and how he loves my mum and dad like a second family (gross!) He text her this morning asking did she know if I was gonna text him today, or had a mentioned him…. I mean really?! Who is in this relationship?


I’m now unsure what to do, because I DID finish it on Tuesday I shouldn’t have to go through all this heartbreak again because of her! Part of me feels she should tell him as she got me into this mess, but that hardly shows his the respect he “deserves” after a year, and I’m sure he’d tell me that!

I’m just so cross with her for getting involved. I went to her for advice, to talk to her, to explain my reasons (because I know she loves him so much) but I didn’t expect her to become my relationship councillor. I know she's just tryin to help but I wish she'd just not got involved!


Ugh!

V

I would just be upfront with your mom, say "Hey, listen, there was a lot that went on that you don't know about, I don't want this relationship, and you need to back me up. I'm your daughter and I think you've raised me well enough to trust my decisions."

just let her know that it bugs you that she's trying to make something work when it's not going to.

I went to you for advice, to talk to you, to explain my reasons (because I know you loves him so much) but I didn’t expect you to become my relationship councillor. I know you are just tryin to help but I wish you would just not get involved!

This is totally something my grandma would do to me...and I'm 25. It's just the way some people / nurturing figures are...and it's TOTALLY OUT OF LINE and you need to make that real clear.

It probably won't be the very last time she does something like this, but you can make sure it will be the last time she does precisely this (or probably anything as extreme).

And sometimes, with people like that...you just really need to lay it down. Don't like, smack her or anything. Just be real clear, real concise, and real honest.

I agree, she should support you in your decision and understand that it was your relationship, not hers.