I am really really bad at judging what to do in any kind of social situation, especially ones that might involve romantic stuff. I just have very little ability to distinguish between what is weird and what is normal to normal people. At the moment I'm wondering about something internet related and thought I'd throw it out to you guys to see whether it was normal (yeah ok, cue inevitable comments about why I'm seeking normality on KR)

There's a boy I've seen a couple of times at highsoc [indie society] events and I accidentally found him on facebook the other day, by clicking on a name with a cool photo as a profile picture. I feel dead weird knowing his favourite books and films now.

(I hate that facebook allows you to know this stuff, and people choose to allow other people to see it, but it's considered pretty odd to have read information about other people. You get a dirty feeling just by looking at information that they have made publicly available. Anyway, that's not my point, it's just by the by.)

My actual point is, if I send him a message, super casual, would it be weird? He takes really good arty abstract photos, which was how I ended up on his profile in the first place, so I was thinking about just saying something like 'hello highsoc boy [highsoc is the indie society]. i like your photos. are you heading to the quiz next week?' or maybe mentioning the indie soc music quiz that's on soon.

So what's the etiquette on sending messages to people you don't know? I think he's noticed me before but I can't be sure. I've never actually spoken to him, he just seems kind of cool and I'd like to make friends with him. It is possible he's not cool at all. Yes, most of the romantic intrigue in my life takes place in super subtle form, in my head.

hmmmm. i think it's best to purposely run into him at a highsoc event. talk to him about his abstract art. you know, use what you know to bait him.

I think you are right. That much more sense. Why did that not come into my head first? You see my problem. I think the computer thing was that I spend so much time on my laptop writing essays these days that I can't conceptualise doing anything without it.

Also, it will definitely sound like I'm getting ahead of myself here, but this is a serious point that will probably be a good life lesson for me to learn anyway. How on earth do you tell if someone 'likes you'? I'm not joking. I am twenty and a half and I don't know this sort of basic love class #101 stuff. Probably because I read science and music magazines instead of that girly indoctrination crap when I was a teenager.

I tend to fail really badly on this point. Well, only twice, but it's a bit of a battering to the ol' self-esteem. Two boys had crushes on me in first year that I was completely clueless about until much later on, though it was apparently ridiculously obvious to literally everyone. I decided that I had crushes on each of them last year (one after the other, I'm not a crush-whore), and failed in my romantic efforts. It was embarassing. Things are fine with them now, but it was just a story intended to illustrate my uselessness with these things.

I will probably be ok and look semi normal if I talk to him about abstract art and noise rock/hardcore. this is the feeling I'm getting.

Most of the time I feel like an alien who's just landed on earth. I haven't kissed/slept with anyone since June and that was only a one-off bad decision thing, before that it was my ex-boyfriend in JANU-FUCKING-ARY. This has been a bleak and barren year on the sexy times front.

will you carry all the weight of your crush on him in any exchange that would otherwise be completely normal? every word, gesture and look has all that attached to it, so you can't even walk from one point to another without feeling like you have cerebral palsy.

i don't know how to deal with that. maybe i kind of mock myself, but self effacing comes off better in males for some reason.

quietness is good, you come off as deep and mysterious.

letting them feel as awkward as you do helps.

in fact concentrating on them, instead of all the stuff in your head that is about them, and recognising the difference, helps also

i dunno, don't gush, unless you can be cute when gushing.

hostility is a good way to test his worth and recognition skills.

but mainly, if it doesn't work and interaction is repeatedly awkward, then fuck it

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marzipan marzipan marzipan marzipan

step 1; tell your brain to shutup otherwise this shit is doomed to begin with.

early signs to look for are just smiling and eye contact and open body language. if he has his arms crossed and is looking around the room for people you probably shouldn't pursue it to viciously.

although if it was me, i'd get drunk at that next indie thing, go upto him and say how i facebook stalked him then begin conversation about some quirky interest you's share to establish some point of memorability.

then roofie his drink and suck him dry in the nearest parking lot.