Me and my b/f have been together for 3 years and yes we have had lots of problems due to my jealousy issues, etc (which by the way you guys advised me to work on or lose my man).....anyway we have been working through things and I THOUGHT we were doing great, in fact just today we spoke on phone twice (once for over an hour) AND we got together to watch a film.............THEN through some snooping (yes I checked his email, don't crucify me) I saw he wrote a draft mail TODAY to another girl saying he wishes she would see him as more than a friend and how his heart soars when he sees her and crashes cause she isn't his (then he went on to say in it that he can't send this mail and wishes he could- and I know he didn't send it cause there is no copy in his sent mail, only draft).....needless to say I am stunned, hurt beyond belief and do not know at all why he is doing this and why he is telling me he is mine, that he loves me, that we will be fine, and all that jazz. Did I DRIVE him to this by how bad I have treated him? HE is the one who told me he loves me and is standing by me, etc and has spent the whole day telling me this (and all week). I know I am a shitty person for spying I really do....but I am just scared and insecure and now just learned after three years of spying and finding nothing that I DO in fact have something to worry about. What do you guys think I should do? Proceed as if nothings wrong and hope I can truly win his heart back or run (though I can't see myself doing that). Any help is appreciated. Thank you.

id fill his inbox with borts collection of child porn and have him arrested.

lol! I have actually considered revenge but that will only bring temporary feeling of satisfaction. I honestly don't know how to proceed knowing this. He is here right now sleeping and I am here fuming, hurt and confused. Why didn't he end things with me if he wants her? Why is he telling me he loves me and loves me and we will get through everything? After THREE years together I am feeling like the back up plan. This is just so out of character for him and I don't know what to do. I have some peace in the fact he didn't actually SEND her the email but still it all hurts like fuck.

i say fuck with him. print the email out 40'000 times and let him wake up alone in a room filled of them.

I deleted it from his drafts hoping he thinks he didn't click save. I know that was dumb. I just didn't want him to change his mind and decide to send it to her. I DONT think he will think I saw it though cause he knows me well enough to know that if I saw something like that I would FREAK out on him, and its taking all I got not to. Should I just let him think all is well so that he stays torn and conflicted about what to do? UGH I just don't know what to do. Its not like I can let him know I saw the mail.