This is my first post. I only came on here cause one of my gf's comes here all the time, but i always get her to post you know. silly i know. i've been in a rltnship with this guy for about 6 mnth now and i really really like him but i know that we have things going on our life taht might mean we split up later. he works away sometimes and he used to be busy alot but being more inot each other now we've got a good thing going on and i really really do like him. i know he likes me. well, he loves me. i'm not sure if i am ready to say "love" to him yet, but i do feel it. i'm just abit scared is all. of the commitment. if i know we are going to both be going places and doing other things, why should i carry on now. i dont want him to change his plans and me mine but its not going to be easy to make it work and i dont want to get hurt, or hurt him. it's really starting to worry me now. hes so nice with me and its clear he really loves me. but i think it might mean we go seperate ways later for his work and my plans...then should i just end it now to save the pain? maybe it will change? i just dont know what to do and its making me cry lots as i love him.

I think you should quit worrying about the "what if's" and live in the moment. If everybody always worried about what *might* happen in the future, then no one would ever be in any relationships. I say just enjoy it while you have it, make the best of the situation, and if it all falls apart at least it will be a learning experience for you and hopefully a positive memory to look back on.

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"I once shot a man just to watch him die, then I got distracted and missed it. Oh my friends tried to describe it to me, but it just isn't the same."

^^ What they said - Don't play "what if".

If you really care for him, will it be any less painful if you end it now?
I assume you'll just be miserable longer?

Why would you end it, yeah, just because something *might* go wrong later on?

Every relationship ends. Either you break up or one of you will die before the other. Just fucking go for it, what's there to lose?

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Live in the present.

i know this and its easy enough to say it.....but its not always easy to do it. i've been burned before and i really dont think i want to feel that pain again. has anyone else been in this situation? i really am confused and hurting just thinking about us having to go our own ways later because of work and distance. i know its really wimpy to think so much about protecting myself...and i do love him.....i want to enjoy it, and i often do, but as soon as i think about down the line it kills me. i'm really sorry to sound like a moaner i'm not like that normally and i really appreciate ppl talking to me about this

are you what they call a youngen?

and is this yr first proper love?

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but can you bounce it on the floor?

I'm early 20's. not my first love no. i've what i would call 2 serious relationships. this is third. both times before its gone wrong and i'm very cynical about long term these days. i know i am young but i have been in love before and i know how much it hurt me when we had to leave each other. iw ant to be in love but i was really burned before. i feel sorry for my bf i know he loves me but i know he has things he'll need to do later that means him moving and i have things i'm studying and dont want to not. and cant. but being with him is so good and does mean alot to me. head vs heart? i just dont know.

if you have it in yr head that it will go wrong, it will go wrong.

if you percieve things differently maybe you'll feel different?

its hard being hurt and then "getting over it" its not easy to do, but you cant go around protecting yourself from stuff by not experiencing new stuff. y'know? not everything is set in stone, things change, people change, circumstances change and you cant stop that from happening, (even if you do finish with him) as other lovers in yr future will demonstrate this. Its something that happens in life and you have to learn to cope with it, otherwise you wont be able to be happy in any relationship for yr fear of the future. As others have said, live in the present, go with the flow and be happy and grateful for what you have.

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but can you bounce it on the floor?

i really do thank ppl for the advice here. i know what I should do and I will really try. it's just not always that easy is it? has anyone else been in this kind of situation? how did it work out?

No, its not easy. And you can't stop getting hurt ... but maybe you can enjoy the rest of the experience?

Isn't that life

My experience isn't quite the same, but similar. My boyfriend was given a life expectancy of 30. He's nearing 28 now. Many relatives he had who had the same genetic condition didn't live to 30, some died in their teens. It's not the same, but like you I saw a 'deadline'. When I realised I really really liked him I wondered if I should get in the relationship or remain friends, thinking it would be easier on me in the long term if we were friends. I did worry alot that if this relationship works, I could get very hurt in the future. I realise that is selfish, but it's a huge deal and very difficult. But I knew I would grow to love him, and thought I'll go for it even if it means I'll get badly hurt in a couple of years. I think it is worth getting into/staying in a good relationship even if it seems there won't be much time together and you'll get hurt.

As it happened my circumstances chaged. He's still got his genetic condition but his health miraculously improved (it really was incredible) I still highly doubt he'll live to old age or whatever, but I'm enjoying here and now. Your circumstances could also easily change. I'd go for it. If you don't you could regret it so so much. I know I would have, I'm so glad I decided to focus on the present instead of worrying about how much time's left.

Welcome to KR.
Love is always worth the risk, however things work out.
Don't hold yourself back or miss out on a potentially amazing relationship.
Go for it and enjoy the happiness it brings, however long it lasts.

had a good chat with my b/f and it all got very emotional as you can imagine. weve decided to be apart for awhile cause neither of us want to hurt the other and we know were going to later. i reckon i'll get loads of ppl saying im wrong and i have listend to all the ppl giving advice...dont think i'm being silly. its clear we're maybe not strong enough now or we wouldnt want to do this would we. if we wanted it to happen then i reckon we would have done anything to not split up. sorry everyone.

If you really love each other yu can make compromises and make it work. It may be difficult, but you can do it. Long distance and make plans for later or stay friends. Just keep an open mind.

Grow some balls.. Oh wait.. you're a girl. Tell him to.

Sounds like you're both a pair of absolute emos. "We're going on a break because things might happen and we might stop liking each other and I like dinosaurs."

Ffs. Just take a risk. Sooner or later everyone ends up disliking someone in a relationship. It's whether you stab them that matters and 99% of people wont and will work through their problems. If you both liked each other and were mature enough you'd understand that being cynical and anti-relationship makes you a lonely old spinster with hamsters.

You'll regret letting it go more than you will getting involved. Live a little.


Sorry for ranting. Bad mood.

Axl i understadn what youre saying. no need to be so bloody harsh. thanks for your kind words. jesus.

No need to thank. My work here is done.