when a relationship ends. and it ends badly. do you just let it be and move on?
or are you expecting something else?
i can't work out if things are better left broken and fucked up or if its better to get everythign off your chest and just out of you.
i don't knowhow much sense this makes sorry.

it really depends on the situation and the person. i need to get it all off my chest, i can't keep it in. in fact i had to have one of these conversations last night and i feel much better that i did it rather then leaving things not said.

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i let it be. i had my friends to moan and bitch and cry with over it.

You have to think to yrself "in 6 months time would i be embarrased by what i said/did?" you have to keep some dignity even when they have taken it all from you by being a cunt. Even though its hard because deep inside you want them to know just how much of a shit they are and how much they hurt you, but if they dont realise it now then no matter how much you scream and shout at them they probably wont.ever. and you make things worse for yrself. Kinda adding to their ammo against you.

:/

dont worry when they get old and lonely they will think about it....and it will haunt them but its too late mwahahaha

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but can you bounce it on the floor?

this is ridiculously good advice. which i am sure at some point i will ignore and spill my guts and heart on the floor.
i guess the other side of it is if you do just let it all out and say what you feel you need to then the other person will just feel like death. which isnt really nice. well at least you hope they would feel like that

well, i think before you let the relationship end completely both people need to talk things over and express how they feel.

i let it be, and keep it to myself. any time i have let it out, it becomes apparent that my version of events and the other partys are so wildly different that theres no point trying to work it out. although one of my exes (a big big one) recently drunkenly admitted that they did treat me like shit, but only because i let them (i sort of like feeling bad, and apparently only go out with people who are guaranteed to do that). let it go, even if you secretly mull over it in yr head, cause eventually you'll come out on top, i reckon.

yeah. i got a drunken i'm sorry i treated you really badly apology the other day.
which he no longer remembers. and have my doubts he meant. if you mean somehting say it sober?
i just feel destroyed.

you will do. it hurts a lot the fact that someone who you trust and love fucks you over. Be strong and stuff because they WILL contact you when yr at yr lowest, give it a week or a month. i bet money on it. and its so easy to go along with it because its safe.

i know it sounds dumb but to comfort me i just listened to a lot of music. a lot. even songs written from (what i imagine) their perspective helped. it just takes time, a lot of time, im talking months and months and months. but it does get better (even if it doesnt feel like it at the time), promise.


you'll cry every day
then once a week
then once a month
then once a year
and then *POOF* they have disappeared

hehe i made a rhyme

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but can you bounce it on the floor?

some people dont have the courage to do things sober, cause then it might turn into a proper conversation. with the person that i ran in to recently, it took me a good two years to not feel like my insides were rearranging every time i saw them, it just takes a really long time, and if you were to talk it over now and have a reason granted for why things ended up the way they did, it might not do much just now, because yr pretty much mourning. sorry you hurt ema, the only thing to do is just hurt i think. i was lonely for a good year and a half, but was drunk alot so it was okay

same, although afterwards i feel like a dick wish i had just been "cool"..

Agree w/the above, Sunday. And I'm sorry that was such a horrid time for you. Sounds pretty devastating.

Ema love, having someone be ugly to you is wrenching no matter whom, and exponentially when/ if it's your Suddenly Ex who's doing the heartbreaking stuff: they know our tender spots and just where to hit every ouch button.
No wonder that you're fucking furious and that a big part of yr brain/heart would just love to give him the telling off of his life which he probably so richly deserves.

Some stuff to consider, Mkay?
If you were to attempt The Talk just now; & the specifics of how & why you feel re. the shit way he's behaved, it is more than likely to turn out making one feel worse in the long term. Why? Weell, imo/ime:

- Odds are astronomically high that it could very likely turn into a huge Blame Game, and those really hurt. Grr. Scenario: him denying responsibility for acting like a prime asshole, or perhaps getting all self-justifying by claiming that he was "Right" (puke gag urgetokill!) to behave like a major dickwad bc somehow you "deserved" it? Perhaps by "Not living up to his (possibly unspoken ) 'expectations'". Whether he'll admit it or not. Not saying that's the case cause obv I don't know this cat. But you do.

- You are absolutely entitled to your feelings -- hurt, anger, betrayal, bewilderment, and urge-to-hire-someone-to-trash-his-belongings, or whatever else you're going thru right now. He, however, is NOT entitled to the opportunity to make you feel worse.

- Perspective. It takes a while to get some. I've always been a fan of writing writing letters to the person(s) in question who've just behaved like a hurtful nastyass, detailing why and how their actions were insulting & infuriating. With fairly confrontational "I feel thus because this..." yelling-on-paper just to get it all outta my head/heart. They have the lovely advantage of not having the other person interrupt and start screaming about completely off-subject stuff to change what the fight is about.

Think I only ever sent 3 of them over the years, but writing them --- and re-reading them sometimes as well, heh ! -- did very muchly help w/the gaining of some gradual bits of perspective .
Most important imo, cause it made me look at the whole picture & ask myself The Big Truth Question: " What long-lasting POSITIVE result(s) am I expecting if I do Teh Big Confrontation? Is that resolution at all likely, or even remotely realistic?"

Pfft, turns out my own motivations & expectations were highly suspect some cases. heh ~ sigh ~ Not saying yours are, mind.
Everybody has her/his own style of Conflict Resolution (the name of a class I've actually taught, and lemme just say... ) . Direct verbal confrontation is what seems normal & even comfortable for some people.

I'm just not sure it's terribly productive or fixes anything most of the time.

Wow. that was long, sry ema.

<3333

Chyia P.S. Regardless of what you decide you want to do re yelling at the creep, I would like to prescribe fabulous chocolate, trashy movies, and pillow fights w/sleepover friends who'll let you rant/vent all you need to /like.

anyone who answers a flat "yes" to this has never had this happen. or maybe they're a sociopath. whatever. in any case, its nothing to aspire to. i'm not saying to have absolutely no filter whatsoever on what you share with someone who things have ended badly with, but here's what worries me about saying absolutely nothing: i think of it like when you try to eat as little as possible for x amount of time, and the next thing you know you're pulled off to the side of the road surrounded by cheeseburger wrappers. better to think through what you do and don't want to put into your body. and with relationship-ending-bullshits, better to think through what you DO want to say and saying only that. otherwise it would be like the cheeseburger thing only even more explosive out your ass.

i think i will just try to avoid him for hte next six months and save and save and just leave the city i live in.
i seriously cannot stand seeing him. i either throw up from instant anxiety or cry.
when its a few days before i leave i guess i will say what i feel i need to then.

well, i usually try to really think about what i am going to say, it's gotta be constructive and not just an outburst.

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i don't like doing it. bc it feels undone.

but usually its with these half apathetic non confrontational people who never get it. ever.

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i won't be home tonight, or tomorrow night, or any other night. ever again.

i dislike non confrontational people. but i fear i am one sort of.

yes. they are crap and aloof and think that they are you know, civilised. it is very wrong.

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i won't be home tonight, or tomorrow night, or any other night. ever again.

i do that. but then the time comes to have "the talk" and BAM! i go glen close on their asses. well.. not quite - eloquency goes out of the window and I can't express myself properly which makes me angry and I always cry when I'm angry.. it makes me look like a right wet-lettuce and/or like I desperatelydesperately want them back or something.

I need to man up and stop being a fag about stuff.