I got married pretty young, or well married my boyfriend of 6 years whom I met when I was 17. And well recently our amazing love to me has just grown stale, I feel very little for him at the moment. This also coincides with my chatting to an ex boyfriend on the dreaded facebook.

My whole belief in this relationship has always been that I am devoted. I am completely in love and nobody has EVER, ever made my head turn. Ive always believed that we would grow old together and all that stuff, like, I was in deep. Which is why I never imagined an old boyfriend making contact would affect me so much! So, confused and intrigued and KNOWING I should just cut off all contact but not wanting to, I messaged him. and well we sidestepped around the facts for a bit and then finally came clean, we still like each other. Well I never thought I'd ever see/speak to him again because our friends are different and I had no idea where he moved to, and as soon as he added me he started invading my thoughts. And I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since...

He has a girlfriend of 5 years. And he knows I'm married, so I never thought much would come of innocently letting each other know we both had feelings and such is life, missed the boat etc etc ... However he came to visit me at work, which was a HUGE shock, as it made me realise that he really is serious. We couldn't stop smiling at each other and were so nervous i'm sure we were both shaking... He said it took him two days to build up the courage to come in as he kept walking past the front door too scared not to come in, thinking I would not like what I saw after not seeing each other for 6 years..

Where am I going with all of this? I don't know what to do now. My life with my husband is BORING, and I feel numb to him, have no feelings, no sexual feelings. Just blah!

I feel as though ex boyfriend or no exboyfriend - my relationship with my husband is still wavering, and suddenly i'm feeling things like i want to go out and have fun, i dont want to be married and tied down, i dont want to carry on a sexual relationship with him anymore as he doesnt do anything for me. But I know what we had, and I know what i promised him, and i know that i had those feelings for him and made it so clear that they were real (and they were) but i guess bit by bit they disappeared and now suddenly they are completely gone. I can't imagine how devastated he would be if I told him that. I think he'd die of a broken heart.

Leaving him, divorcing him sounds like such a terrible ordeal. His parents, his family, my family, his friends.. everyone would hate me. I would have no life, no house, no nothing. our pets even. we have no children yet..

Should I tell him the feelings I'm having?
Should I admit to him about this other boy, and my strange feelings towards him.. maybe he'd be happy for me to go have a fling and get it over with and then come home to him, happier.
Or as my friend suggests, maybe i should have a fling behind his back and come home happier, will it strengthen our relationship?
Should I just hold tight for a month and see if my head clears a little?
Should I cut off ties to this boy, even though that's not the answer I want to hear?

My life feels so drained at the moment, i want to go see this boy so badly today but he has a girlfriend and cant get on the internet when shes home or she'd catch on. But I feel so miserable, and I can't look my husband in the eyes. On the weekend we had a very crazy night and my friend suggested we 'experiment' so her boyfriend and me and my husband had a bit of an experience in bed together.. all it did was make me believe my feelings for my husband are completely gone. Especially seeing him kiss another woman, I would have thought I would have become insanely jealous, but I just.. didn't care?

Wow this is a novel. hahaha. Even if you have no advice, chat with me, because I'm climbing the walls waiting for a facebook message that probably wont' even come tonight.

well. if some stupid post from a bf you had when you were 16 has fucked things up, i say the divorce is evident.

he wrote you a message on facebook and admitted he still OMG leiked you. and you are ready to write your husband off.

he just wants to nail you. then, go back to his girlfriend. you are an easy target because you are married. and you seem very stupid.

so. give me your husband's email address, and i will be happy to tell him for you.

Ask your husband to pick you up in a bar and take your sorry ass back to a motel for some snuggling...

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Ezekiel 33:33 Rev 13:16 Lev 11:7
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ن٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱ

as much as I hate getting messages like this, it helps me to snap out of it a bit. I don't want to run away with this guy, I think he's just a symptom of where my marriage is in this point of time.. if I delete him from the scene I guess I still have to sort my shit out.

and I haven't done anything yet so there's nothing to be un-done.

take it from "the other woman".....work on your marriage and tell your husband you need to spice things up as you are unhappy.

if you really want to be married you will really want to be faithful also.

if you can't work things out for the better with hubby then you need to split.

Do NOT have children while you feel this way.

Do NOT have an affair. You are just adding another person to your problems. Resolve the probs with hubby first, THEN you can start getting involved with someone else. Don't bring a third wheel into a broken relationship.

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Sorry 'bout the fire
Sorry 'bout the torch
Sorry i had to have my revenge

Two million years of human evolution and that's the best idea you can come up with?

The simple solution to all this: Don't get married - ever.

agreeed....it's a trap!!!

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Sorry 'bout the fire
Sorry 'bout the torch
Sorry i had to have my revenge

Two million years of human evolution and that's the best idea you can come up with?

This is not a nice situation to be in my dear but please be aware that it may be BECAUSE you have lost interest in your husband that you have these feelings for your ex boyfriend. You want a sense of adventure and feel that he can give it to you but what you need to realize is that the only person who can make you happy is you. Be proactive in your relationship. Talk to your husband. Make an effort, cook him a lovely meal, drink some wine, do something together like go sailing or rock climbing, something active, something that makes you work together and have fun the way you used to. You need to be honest to him but not brutally in a way that will hurt, in a way that will make things better for both of you. Then there's marriage counseling if you wanted to go down that road?

I'm not anti-divorce, I think that if people can't be happy together then they really shouldn't be but it sounds like you both just need to work at it and you could be happy together again. If you don't try now, he may be the other man a few years down the line.

Are you aware that if there are no grounds for divorce you must be separated for at least two years before you can begin proceedings and if the other party does not agree to this you must wait a total of five years! It's a long horrible upsetting process. - the right one for many people. I don't want to discourage it if it's right for you but please be aware of what you're getting into.

Please talk to your husband. I personally wouldn't tell him about thinking of other people but if you really need to get the point across of how bad the relationship is I guess this will do it, though it does sound like a threat and I don't like that idea in a relationship. Be honest with him and both try to make the effort to rekindle what you once had. I would suggest cutting contact with this other man though I of all people know just how difficult this can be.

I don't know if any of that is helpful but I'm thinking of you my dear. Whatever happens, I wish you only the very best. If you need someone to sound ideas off feel free to pm me. Take care sweetness Xx

Thanks Rach, your message helped. I know everyone usually is quick to jump and say 'you're a horrible horrible person' but this could probably happen to anyone, I was adamant it would never happen to me and here I am contemplating.

It's interesting because when my hubby got home from work tonight he sort of sat me down and wanted to chat with me about a few things, and we did, and I feel so much more connected with him.

I just think that emotions (and hormones) are really dangerous things and I'm glad I am still at least level headed enough to think before I jump. This whole other guy thing has been going on for about a month now and seriously has taken up my every thought of the day for that time.

I know you're totally right about making things work. As in I can't just leave him and start something new at the same time. These things have to be seperate things, the other guy thing is really just a sign of my boredom as I don't believe I would have let it get that far if I was completely happy. At the time tho I was telling myself that I was feeling it so strongly because he and I had unfinished business. (We never had a proper relationship .. things always were the wrong time with him etc etc, which makes it harder than "we broke up because . . .").

I'm feeling much better! I'll no doubt keep you posted and run back here when I get another message from him, maybe you can help me turn this weird thing just into a platonic friendship, because on the other hand I do wonder if I just want this person in my life?

If your marriage is in trouble, deal with it. your only interested in this guy cause you can't have him as you are now but know you could. leaving your "sure thing" husband for a "sure thing" bit of romance to me seems a bit meek. you're also destroying your relationship with your husband carrying this on. You're using the degeneration of your relationship to excuse your behaviour and in doing so you will look and try to amplify it.

this guy does not represent someone you truely feel for imo. he's a back-up or escape route should you decide you can't go on with the relationship in a few months/years.

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Would you like a cigarette? They're quite exellent.

So glad things are feeling better :-) Would be great to hear how things go. It's quite incredible what a heart to heart can achieve. Good luck with everything and Enjoy it Xx

I don't think you're horrible at all. You just got married too young. If you want to be fair to your husband, divorce him. You'll only get more miserable if you don't end it and stay married.

i would also not say you're horrible - these things happen. Rachy-Rach had some good advice there. It's good to hear you're now sorting things out, maybe just some quality time with him and a good talking over your relationship would hep a lot?

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Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Speaking as someone who goes through these crushes on other people from time to time (I suppose everyone does), I know how the mind gets carried away. I say that not in the sense of fantasizing, but in a "what does it all mean?" way. You'll be getting the usual feelings - the butterflies, the excitement - and trying compare those feelings with your relationship, which probably doesn't elicit such a reaction from you given the familiarity that you have with your husband. That's obviously comparing apples and oranges. Just because the thought of your husband doesn't immediately make blood rush to your loins in the same way as it perhaps does for the other bloke, doesn't mean the marriage is a sinking ship. Why would the blood rush to your loins at the thought of your husband right now, anyway, given that your sexual attention is focussed, at least mentally, on another guy? And the same goes emotionally too. This other guy seems like what you want right now, so you were never going to look at your husband in that position and think "he is everything I want in the world" while you're so focussed on someone else.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that it is so very easy to trick yourself into thinking your relationship is failing in these circumstances.

Don't do anything hastily. Getting feelings for other people is pretty normal, and it's definitely not something to beat yourself up over. The feelings normally pass given a couple of weeks at the most. There's no point in trying to consider the state of your marriage when your head is elsewhere. If the feelings doesn't pass, then you have a real problem.

Just wait until your head has cleared a bit and then sort out your feelings on your marriage.

I reckon it's a simple case of "the grass is always greener..." combined with a healthy dose of "what if"s re the ex-bf. In a few weeks time you will probably laugh at yourself over this. Even if not, at least it has urged you to look at your marriage, and given how blindly a lot of people probably stumble through their lives, it can never hurt to subject your own to some scrutiny. Try not to overthink shit, though. I suspect that is what got you to this point in the first place.

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Deux hommes font une promenade amicale. L'un des deux porte un parapluie à son bras.
Il se met à pleuvoir. L'homme n'ouvre pas son parapluie et l'autre lui demande pourquoi.
- Parce que ça ne servirait à rien, lui répond son ami. Il est plein de trous.
- Alors, pourquoi l'as-tu pris?
- Parce que je ne pensais pas qu'il pleuvrait.

i tend to think that if you picked someone as your life mate, you did it for a good reason. you could have made a serious blunder but give yourself the benefit of the doubt and try and sort what's happening.

i think therapy for you is imperative. or if you can;t or won't do that, study yourself and think long and hard baout why you feel trapped. what is it that you are or are not doing that would make your life better if you changed your path. talk with your husband about things YOU need to do. because the core of this isn;t about him. especially if all you have to complain about is, it's "boring."

when we pick life partners, i believe that we pick them for huge subconscious reasons and everything that comes up, especially seemingly out of nowhere eg "i'm just bored," is a direct result of our ID fucking with us. there is something we are not facing. face it.

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When I awoke, the Dire Wolf
Six hundred pounds of sin
Was grinning at my window
All I said was "Come on in".
Grateful Dead

I very much agree. By marrying so young you never allowed yourself to breathe and grow as a person. It's not fair to your hubby to be having these doubts. Don't stay with someone because they are your safety net. You're wasting their time and your own time.

!!!!!!!!!

don't do anything with the ex!

i do think you need to really think about your relationship with your husband and decied if you truly are happy but don't base anything on your ex. base it on your current situation and how you feel.

if you decide it's not working and want to seperate, take some time to be alone and figure things out before even considering doing anything with the ex.

don't be the other woman, it's not a good place to be....trust me.

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