guys i have seriously taken on all your advice.. and my husband and i feel a lot closer. i thought how silly i was being and realised i thought it was just a little 'thrill'..

and i got a message from 'him', saying he wanted to see me.. had been hanging out to hear from me, etc etc, but i wrote back and said i think we should stop this.. just be friends etc, and waited for his reply. i totally turned a page, i was fine, i wasnt thinking about him too much, i was concentrating on my hubby, but then.. it just started all over again... i didnt hear from him for a few days because atm we are only communicating online and his gf had the computer for a few days doing uni stuff.. i feel like i cant bear for him to stop talking to me. i really want to see him. just to be around him and talk to him and nothing else if thats what it takes.

i never really got over him, but i never really thought we'd ever get a chance to see each other again, and now that we are finally admitting we could have had something back then but were too scared to go for it it just gets me feeling really heart broken.

i already feel like im cheating because of the feelings im having. what if i met up with him and got it out of my system and that was it? what's the difference. it's not like now my husband and i have ever not been with anyone else since we've been together (because of the other weekend)

someone commented on that little scenario too .. i think i was the reason that happened, and it was basically because i was fed up with my current situation and i wanted to break free a bit.

when we got together initially i was really young but i felt i had lived a lot (partied too hard too young) so i didnt think i would want any of that. i wanted to settle, i wanted stability and real love and all that. my husband is 6 years older than me so hes done it all.

like, maybe he would be understanding if i came clean with him, and told him i wanted to see this guy. haha. that sounds wacky but maybe he would get off on it? hes always wanted to see me with another guy but maybe thats just a fantasy and he doesnt actually want it to come true.

ah but i dont mean to say that all i can think about this other guy is sex, i mean i dont really think about it at all, i dont know, its just him, his precense, being around him. he always made me really happy. hes a really unique guy.

barrhhh im going crazy!!!! you guys are like my AA partners, help me before i do something ill regret!

• This last part says everything
• Listen - just stick with your husband
• Forget about the other guy, it was never meant to be...

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Being a helpless romantic... i advise you to stay with your husband. To me, marriage is something that you don't write off.. if you get married, you are married for life. And if feelings start to go, or the relationship becomes difficult (excluding abuse), then it should be seriously worked on, via marriage counselling or whatever you feel will work for you and your husband. Before I would end my marriage, I would try everything in my will power to get it back on track again and have us both be happy, and would only give up if i felt i had tried my best.

Also, would you risk your marriage to start something up with another man? What if a relationship with the other man wasn't as fun after a while, or comfortable, or reliable?

Perhaps you have come to the '7 year itch'. Perhaps your marriage has just got to a stage where you need to get a little more excitement into it, and then feelings will become fresher?

Also, do you believe that getting engaged/married too young is a bad thing? I need to know this.

yes/no ; married too young i guess i don't recommend it. but i didn't feel young at the time. i was kinda mature for my age but i guess i've degraded lately..

i kind of feel like my mind is made up and i want to see him, talk to him at least. we only have one life??

I guess you never really know whether your marriage is a good thing until you're old... But marrying young isn't necessarily bad, I'd say. I know quite a few people who got married young or on a whim and have been very happy for 25+ years.

The thing is, you can always keep wondering whether there's someone better for you out there and there probably is, considering there are 6 billion people on earth, but that shouldn't prevent you from being happy with the person you're with. Also, if you break off a relationship that's passed the hormonal "oh my god I'm so in love" stage just because you're addicted to that feeling, you will end up alone, guaranteed.

My advice is to judge your marriage on it's own, without considering the other guy...

If you and this guy are really meant for each other, he'll wait for you. Why throw away something with your husband over a whim? I suggest talking to your husband about your feelings and seeing what you can both do to work towards a better relationship. If it doesn't work, then go through the proper procedures and leave him. I just hate the idea of cheating. I think it hurts far too many people including yourself. How can you trust a man who cheats on his girlfriend? Hope things get better my dear Xx

are these sentences only ringing alarm bells for me? why would she catch on, does she not trust him using the internet, and why would that be? did his girlfriend really use the computer 24/7 for a few days?

this bloke sounds like he wants some fun out of his relationship and i really dont think he cares who he hurts in the long run.

honest, the butterflies, the shaking, the cant get them out of your head stuff, i know that stuff and i know it with an ex, i still have it with him and am careful about the contact i have because i know in my brain i can get carried away and we're together again. i also know if anything did happen it'd be the same as before and we'd break up again.

feeling this way doesnt necessarily mean you're bored with your husband, sure that may be one of the things you're bored with and only you can know that, but usually when i find myself getting bored with my friends and people around me its because i am fed up of myself, and need a change, of job, scenery, do some volunteering, anything, and then its better.

this man sounds like bad news, id take the lesson and come to terms with the fact you're fed up, but do something constructive about it. Having an affair is not constructive.

well I think it's begun. in any way.

My husband acts more and more like my father every single day and is driving me away, I don't think I love him any more, and that's sad, I know. I feel as though I've just woken up.

I saw *him* today, we talked about a lot of things. We are each other's 'one that got away' and seriously seriously would have done anything to be with each other but we were both too shy...... too scared..... sigh.

but... you were seventeen when you got together with your husband. how serious could this previous relationship have been? how well can you really know him? how long can you have been with him?

this isn't a reality. i have no idea why you are seeing him, except that it is incredibly self destructive behaviour and you intend to self sabotage. you lack the gumption or the abillity to look honestly at your relationship with your husband, and are using the ex as an escape clause. he could probably be ANYONE to you and you would feel this way.

your marriage might well be over, but it should have nothing to do with some random guy - and that IS what he sounds like. some random guy.

if you don't cut random out of your life you will follow him with your cunt, not your head in your heart, and you will do both your husband and yourself a great disservice.

i say this because i know where you are in your life and how you feel. i left my ex, who i was with for five years, who i got together with when i was sixteen, for some flash in the pan whirlwind that really amounted to nothing. and while leaving was the right thing to do i still hate myself for falling into the arms of someone else. it is NOT the way to do things.

you need to look at your marriage without outside influences. and genuinely consider whether its what you want.

i can promise you though, this is about you and nobody else. maybe you need to leave for you. but if you don't think about it in those terms that's gonna fuck shit up for you.

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go get marriage counseling. what you're after with this other guy is a fantasy - he doesn't know who you are today.

we were never technically dating. so not serious, just, shit like i never stopped thinking about him. my and my husbands 'song' is really a song in which i have alllllllways thought about him, but ignored it because i didnt know where he was and thought he never really felt anything for me anyway. but it turns out he did, he always did, we were just both so scared to tell each other.

i understand what you're saying but the fact is that it wouldn't be just anyone. i really don't believe that. but im not going to leave my husband for him. i realise that these are two seperate things. i have sometimes thought that my 'romeo & juliet' romance with my husband has been a lot about telling myself that's what it is. it's not all sweetness and light, i have had a lot of shit times, we don't really have much in common, we don't have that much fun together, our honeymoon was almost all a complete fight.. etc etc etc. sometimes i think i have been in denial about how wonderfully fantastic it all was.

so update:

he has left his girlfriend, about a week ago now. we've seen each other a lot, we just hang out and talk, talk and talk and talk and talk and drive and talk and we have so much in common and have this amazing chemistry. he is gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous and just exactly as i remember, and he loves me. he says he loves me, he doesnt know me well enough yet but he says he does. he says hes never felt this way about anyone. and he's willing to wait for me... & i think I'm falling for him.
but,
i tried to ask him to give me space so i could work things out with my husband, but,
i don't want to. i can't stay away from him.
i know, i just - don't want to. i want what i want and i want it now and i've never fought my feelings before, i want to go where life is taking me and if it changes my life then so be it.

so kids,

this has been going on for a while now.. me & this boy are like magnets and I just can't stay away from him. at the moment though I AM refraining from anything physical with him. we sit side by side and talk and that's about as much as i'm willing to give up right now because i just need to see him. i love him, i really think I do, I don't know if it's forever but i know i need him in my life right now in any case. he says he's madly in love with me and i truly believe him.

ive told my husband im no longer attracted to him. that i no longer feel anything for him. i guess thats fair, to give him a chance, but honestly i dont want things to be fixed. i have ruined our love, i didnt mean to, but i felt this overwhelming push to contact this boy when i did (i contacted him first not the other way around) and since then i have continued to feel like something is just pushing me to be with him.

my husband is a decent wonderful guy, just not for me. and it sucks that it took me so long to work that out. and i feel guilty that hes going to be so heartbroken, but, moving on is better than living a lie right?

can anyone give me any advice on how to go about ending my marriage?

it's shit because of one piece of paper.. god i wish i hadn't gotten married now, things would be so much easier.

How did your husband respond to you telling him this? Does he know that you have been seeing another man?

Not trying to be rude here, but you seem very selfish. It doesn't seem like you care about how your husband is feeling and you are the only one that matters. How can you spend that much of your life with somebody and then just write them and their feelings off so quickly?

Also, what does this other guy have to say about you ending your marriage because of him? Personally I would feel like a real asshole.

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"I once shot a man just to watch him die, then I got distracted and missed it. Oh my friends tried to describe it to me, but it just isn't the same."

He was glad I told him the truth. no he doesn't know about the other man.
I know it seems selfish, but, it's my life right? and it's his too.. Sorry, I don't elaborate very well online and leave a lot of stuff out that I assume ppl will realise, I don't want to live a lie with him, I don't want to give him half-arsed love. I just can't do that, I feel incapable of living a lie like that. It's not fair on him.. I really do care about how he is feeling, but I never felt this on purpose. I know it might seem like it, but I never sought the feelings i have for this boy on purpose.. they just came to me, like nothing I've ever felt before - I was floored, I couldn't understand why i could feel such things for somebody else. But it made me look at my relationship with my husband and realise the truth of our last few years together, there has been hardly any intimacy (even though we have only been married like a year & a half) or 'connection' there, we have been growing apart bit by bit.

- & I know it seems weird, like only a year & a half - just married, etc etc, but it feels like we've been married for 6 yrs pretty much. the wedding was just a 'formality'. plus we got engaged two years before we got married so i was well used to the idea that we were married. the novelty wore off pretty quickly. the wedding felt hardly about the two of us and more like a party.

Yeah i'm sure he feels a bit like an asshole, but, he knew it wouldn't be an easy thing to do, sometimes in order to find happiness you have to work really hard to get there.

I mean, there are feelings here for him which I've had for longer than ive known my husband. And we've been seeing each other (when I say seeing, I mean physically seeing/meeting up but not 'dating') for a few months. I'm doing everything I can to try to make sure i'm making the right decision. It's not much fun for me either... but i'm at a crossroads and I feel like this could be something amazing for me.

I was very young and naive when I fell in love with my husband, I would have believed anything, and I did and I made myself believe I would be happy for the rest of my life.. kind of have been in denial. Because if I really really look at my life right now, it is certainly nothing like what I would want.

What would you do if you no longer had any feelings for your husband and thought you were in the wrong life, and then you fell for somebody else, someone amazing who you always thought of as the one who got away??

blog about it on kittyradio.com, the website of amour?

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joey. babby. don't get. crabby.