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08-22-2008, 11:58 AM
|  | ..Ashley | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Scotland
Posts: 981
| | | compairing first love?
so yeah
do you ever compair your partner to your "first love" ?
i was with someone for 2 1/2 years and was inlove with him ( i was really young...16-19). As much as i despise him now im scared because i keep thinking to myself..."well i mustnt love my boyfriend because i dont feel the same for him as i did for my ex"
no?yes? |
08-22-2008, 12:21 PM
|  | Job Hand | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: burbs, UK
Posts: 2,295
| | | It is better to have loved, and lost, than to never have loved at all.
__________________ Ezekiel 33:33 Rev 13:16 Lev 11:7 Forums Last FM
ن٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱ |
08-22-2008, 12:24 PM
|  | is anonymous | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: O' England, my lionheart
Posts: 2,234
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Silvine  It is better to have loved, and lost, than to never have loved at all. | I doubt that. I'm finding this whole 'not loving' thing quite convenient, as it happens.
__________________
I'm Squarepusher, and I approved this message. |
08-22-2008, 12:34 PM
|  | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,852
| | | I think it's inevitable. It's your experiences with your first love which make you form your views and impressions of relationships. So you're always going to notice the differences between your current partner and your first partner, regardless of how you feel about them now.
You shouldn’t think that you don’t love your boyfriend just because you feel differently with him than you did with your ex. Remember that no love is the same. No two people are the same, and it’s possible to love different people for different reasons. It sounds like you’re thinking about it too much. Love is something you feel, not something you think. |
08-22-2008, 12:46 PM
| | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: UK
Posts: 1,169
| | | I do this everytime I'm in a relationship with someone new, but over the years I've learnt to ignore it.
Most people accept that nothing will ever be as powerful as their first love
It's the first time you give yourself to someone so completely and implicitly and it's all completely new, and because of this you put them on a pedestal.
In reality, however, it is very possible to have a better or deeper connection with someone in the future, but you never forget that very first person. Ever.
We all like to romanticise this person and wear rose tinted glasses, but the fact is half of it is chemical and part of it is fabrication anyway.
Think of all the reasons why you broke up and you'll probably conclude that you weren't good for eachother.
First loves rarely stay together, but that's part of the beauty of it.
I agree with Silvine's quote. And Des.
Try and appreciate your current boyfriend for his own qualitites and his own merits rather than comparing them. I know it's hard but it's the only way you can make it work without resenting him for not being 'special enough'. On the other hand it could be a natural case of having reservations or maybe he's not right for you either? Only you have the answer.
I messed up a lot of past relationships because I tend to do what you do so I've spent about a year being single and figuring out exactly what I want.
I know how hard this train of thought is so I hope that you figure things out soon. In fact, you probably already know exactly how you feel deep down. Maybe you didn't give yourself time to grieve the loss of your first love, so you're still not over it.
Break ups can be really damaging, and you really do need a lot of time and space to get over them. Like you my first love spanned from 16-20 and I'm only just moving on and I'm 23.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is don't worry everyone feels like you do but over the years you will get much better at coping with it.  |
08-22-2008, 12:54 PM
|  | Hey!! A.G.G.R.O. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,594
| | | All.The.Time. |
08-22-2008, 01:08 PM
| | Job Hand | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: burbs, UK
Posts: 2,295
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Squarepusher I doubt that. I'm finding this whole 'not loving' thing quite convenient, as it happens. | What!? You've never, EVER loved anyone!? Weirdo...
__________________ Ezekiel 33:33 Rev 13:16 Lev 11:7 Forums Last FM
ن٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱ |
08-22-2008, 04:27 PM
|  | chanel meth pipe. | | Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: 7th ring of hell?
Posts: 1,567
| | | no but i compare them.
__________________ if you dont believe youre dying then i wont tell you that youre dying but do you not believe youre dying just because it gets you down? |
08-22-2008, 04:41 PM
|  | whirling dervisher | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Spin me
Posts: 1,993
| | | "Love is a wildflower: bright, growing in the wild, yearning for someone for whom to grace upon the Heavenly splendour of gratitude, and Earthly presence; one willing to be disarmed of ego, and will; one who will appreciate and nurture, and seek the Golden seed within"
~~carefulcarpenter
First Love is always a missing piece of who you really are; the one who took the first great step on your journey within. Be generous and forgiving with your thoughts of them, for they walked with you awhile on a wonderful path.
__________________
Marerophilia:
A depth of love that youth can seldom appreciate or communicate;
A love that never can die for it is a wild seed living inside us, and it is what it is;
Love: that which bonds the reality of one's being to the mystery of the unknown;
Wildflowers: evidence revealed."
~~carefulcarpenter |
08-22-2008, 05:41 PM
|  | fizzy lifting drinks | | Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,287
| | | i guess i'm lucky in that so far every time i've been "in love" or you know whatever, its been better than the time before. so, sure, i've compared, but it usually results in me appreciating the new relationship more for what it has that prior ones lacked. |
08-22-2008, 06:03 PM
|  | MONS PUBIS | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Alaska 261
Posts: 7,666
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by rockandrollbarbie nothing will ever be as powerful as their first love | horse shit?
i can barely even remember it?
but then i'm kind of. forgetful.
__________________
joey. babby. don't get. crabby. |
08-22-2008, 07:25 PM
|  | WhatWouldSteveCarellDo? | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 2,530
| | | 1st love, best lover so far. |
08-22-2008, 07:50 PM
|  | I was Ruth ffs | | Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: In the Lake
Posts: 948
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Silvine It is better to have loved, and lost, than to never have loved at all. | How would those who have loved & lost know what it's like to never have loved at all? |
08-23-2008, 03:43 AM
|  | Registered Member | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Chicago/NYC
Posts: 1,564
| | | Nothing ever compares to your first love. Just the fact that you're going through it for the first time and it's a new feeling, and you're young and discovering a lot of things about life for the first time, it makes the whole thing a very intense, surreal experience. It definitely was for me. Nothing after that was ever as intense or powerful. I felt similar feelings for other boyfriends after my first, but it wasn't the same. That doesn't mean that my later relationships weren't as good.
I would never in a million years wish to be with my "first love" again. He's not my type anymore. I was young and naive. But it was a good experience. |
08-23-2008, 11:46 PM
|  | bedroom revolutionary | | Join Date: May 2007 Location: under neon loneliness
Posts: 5,795
| | | I can compare, but I'm nowhere near the person I was when I was 14 so it's a little pointless. Each relationship is different, and I like it that way.
__________________ We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. |
08-24-2008, 07:06 AM
|  | BIG AND HORNY | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Into the Pandemonium
Posts: 6,673
| | | Mine was shit so I guess I don't have this problem.
__________________
Juices like wine, like the blood in the sands. |
08-24-2008, 01:42 PM
| | whirling dervisher | | Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Spin me
Posts: 1,993
| | | Goddesses and Gods
"A journey through life is like traveling on a space probe to the planets and stars: each world is a milestone; every one an adventure; none will be forgotten or unloved in its own. We are stardust and spirit, mixed in a multitude of proportions and shapes, eternally graced with the powers of the universe. You are Goddesses and Gods on vacation. Take mental pictures, and try the local taffy."
~~carefulcarpenter
__________________
Marerophilia:
A depth of love that youth can seldom appreciate or communicate;
A love that never can die for it is a wild seed living inside us, and it is what it is;
Love: that which bonds the reality of one's being to the mystery of the unknown;
Wildflowers: evidence revealed."
~~carefulcarpenter |
08-25-2008, 06:52 PM
| | in flights of fancy. | | Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Ottawa
Posts: 7,055
| | | I do not compare, altough I did compare my previous partners to my first one, but that was when I was still not over him, now that it's been years and that I'm fully aware of how shitty our relationship was, I just notice how good my current one is to me...and I'm just way happier with him than I was with the other one, everything is greater. |
08-25-2008, 08:00 PM
|  | crippling disabilities. | | Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: where dreams come to die.
Posts: 1,277
| | | i do it way too much. but i'm learning to ignore it.
__________________
i am kesh's ungeniune and surreal irritation. |
08-25-2008, 08:11 PM
|  | whatever | | Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Zooropa
Posts: 22
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