I don't even know if this belongs here.

I met a very very old friend the other night, I'm talking primary school bestest buds. We were having a lovely conversation and started recalling the old times. Then came the horror. As we were talking about one friend she said 'its really a shame what happened isn't it?'

My best friend from primary school died in September. She hung herself, leaving a baby daughter behind. She was nineteen.
When I was told I was obviously shell shocked but, it was a night out so I tried to push it to the back of my mind.
I can't stop thinking about it now though. All those fun times we had together and then she stopped living and I didn't know. Nobody told me. I feel like I want to do something, visit her grave, see her mother. We were best friends. Yet it seems really innappropriate as I just found out and her mothers obviously been grieving for months. We also hadn't spoken for a long time, she was a great girl and I have no idea why we drifted or lost contact and this makes it feel worse, like I missed my chance to be friends again. I've missed her alot over the past few years, as I have done with many of the old faces.
But the girl I knew was so happy...she killed herself, I'm finding it really difficult to align, I mean because I didn't see her often and she hasn't been a fixture in my life for a while it also seems difficult to believe shes dead. I keep looking at the article in the online archives of our local paper and the whole thing seems so wrong, like it isn't possible. I can't believe I went for so long not knowing.

I'm sorry if this seems a very long and pointless rant to you but the situation seems so surreal. I can't stop thinking about it. My friends now knew her breifly and never really got on with her and its cruel to say but they don't care, its just more gossip. My boyfriend is awkward talking death. I just needed to tell somebody.

I'm sorry It's really shocking when someone dies, especially in a way like that. I can't really offer anything else but platitudes because I'm rubbish.

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Sometimes people get confused about things. Life for instance. Being 19 and having a child to care for couldn't have been easy. Perhaps it changed her outlook on what the future holds for her. I don't think she meant to end her life as she had someone that she'd brought into this world. I think she forgot what it meant to be alive.

Thats so sad and i really don`t know what to say.Can you contact her mother because i think that maybe she would be glad to hear from you.Just because we lose contact with people doesn`t mean that we stop caring,she might appreciate talking to you.

Sorry to hear this.

Definitely contact her mother. Go and visit her, meet her granddaughter. It will be good for both of you.

Good luck.

holy shit. wow. as i was reading this i couldn't help but put myself into your shoes - i very recently got back into contact with my best friend from primary school and we didn't speak for so long that sometimes i thought, you know, she could be dead and i wouldn't even know it. luckily her life has gotten better instead of worse (i think). at first i was feeling ambivalent about seeing her again but i'm so glad i did. i'm so sorry that you'll never have this opportunity with your friend. it really sucks that no one told you, i'd be so angry if i were you.

It's a terrible thing to have to deal with but honestly, if you feel that strongly about it as hard as it may be, it's lovely for you to visit her parents. Take some flowers and cry with them. It means the world knowing that she touched your life so beautifully. These are difficult times. Sadly these things happen. We must always remember, learn what we can and live our lives with all the blessed memories we carry with us xXx

That's a weird thing to happen; I guess when things happen to people you haven't seen in a long time it always feels a bit surreal. Perhaps it might help to speak to her mum. Hope you're ok. x

Thats what I find really difficult, her motives are a complete mystery to me because this girl that killed herself just couldn't have been the same girl because the girl I knew was so bubbly...i just wish I'd kept in touch, I've missed the opportunity to get to know my friend again, I just don't even know how much she had changed.

You really think so? I don't want her to think it was awful of me not to know, it might sound silly but I don't want to upset her and reopen the wounds. Its just a bit of a nerve wracking thought. I don't want her thinking I'm only in touch because shes dead, I want to get in touch because I do care alot. Its all just a bit sensitive. I want to see her daughter though, I bet shes a beautiful child.


cheshirecat, I feel too upset about it to feel angry. Thankyou. I'm glad you got to see your friend, I really think thats what hit home with me, after being so close to someone who had such a big impact on me and never getting to opportunity to even pass her on the street. Its definitly spurred me into getting in touch.

Thanks everyone.

wish I could rep you for this. Thankyou.

Yes, I really do think so. It sounds to me like you're feeling a little guilty. That's a natural reaction when someone dies, no matter what the circumstances, but you really have no reason to. People drift apart, we all grow up and move on. Her mother will be glad to see you, I'm sure of it. You won't be reopening anything, it'll just be a part of the healing process.

Im sorry for your loss. I lost 2 friends to suicide.