I've been having this issue with my boyfriend, pretty much since the beginning of our relationship. I didn't really notice it that much at first because we work opposite schedules anyway, so it was hard to see him on weekends. I'm a waitress and he has a 9-5.
So we've been together for 8 months now and have gotten into a many a fight about him placing his friends above me. He's made an honest effort to include me in on his plans more than he was before but I still feel like he'd rather be with them than me. I'm also always trying to second guess why he called me, wondering if his friends had something better to do would he be with them.
This kind of thinking is really killing me and I know that it's somewhat accurate. Maybe I also just can't get over past moments where he did just that- choose them over me. It doesn't help that the friends he doesn't like to include me with are girls.
I don't know what kind of advise I'm asking for. Has anyone else been through something like this? It's turning me into this jealous crazy person and I just don't know if it's worth it anymore.

My boyfriend likes to spend time with his friends too, but it doesn't really bother me. I'm always invited to come along because in the past 3 or 4 years that we've been together I've become friends with his friends too, but that doesn't mean I always tag along, sometimes people just need time to be with their friends. Does your boyfriend get mad at you when you go see your friends?

It sounds like you're a little paranoid about this, especially the fact that his friends are girls. I think the best thing you could do would be to talk to him and let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable that he's hanging out with other women, even if they are friends. But of course, it also depends on who they are, for example, someone he's known for years vs. some girl he just met and is spending a lot of time with.

You just need to talk to him and let him know. It sounds like you've tried before, but instead of letting it turn into an argument just tell him you really want him to understand how you're feeling. That's the best advice I can give.

It's not that it bothers me that he spends time with his friends. It's that I know that he would prefer that I not be there. You see, I'm not always invited. Especially when he hangs out with these 2 girls that he became friends with about the time that we met.
We've talked about it to death.

Everyone needs friend time, I do as well. It's when his friends are his priority and I feel like the option when there's a problem.

To be honest, you sound a little paranoid.
Spend time with yr friends to keep yr mind busy.

Why in the fuck do you even bother being in that relationship.

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i won't be home tonight, or tomorrow night, or any other night. ever again.

Just ask him this straight out next time? He might get pissed off but it's better than not knowing.

pfft. i NEVER get invited along when my bf hangs out with his friends.

but then again, he's hanging out with guys that either stare into their beers or at a television so it's the most boring thing ever anyways, and i don't really care.

but it would be nice to get an invite sometimes. i get what you're saying.

do you think you guys could work out a schedule? like he hangs out with his friends certain nights, and you guys have special time set aside, and anything in between is fair game? or something like that.

I usually don't get invited along either. Then again I'm not really into crap movies or lan parties

I have a friend who used to bring her bf along every time we'd meet up. I have the impression he'd just kinda tag along. It was the same when she would meet other friends. He's a nice guy and everything but sometimes it was weird. And you don't talk as freely when your friend's bf is there. It's like you have to behave yourself a bit more
sometimes that's a bit of a pain

you should make alone time with your friends to get some space from your "other" but you should also get some time with his and your friends

I recently broke up with my boyfriend because of that reason. I use to be very jealous of his friends, I second guessed him and I always thought whenever he was with me his friends were all busy with something else. I'm pretty sure you don't want to break up. But I think we're both happier that we don't feel this need to control each other lives. Right now we are the bestest of friends and there isn't that burden of thinking "why isn't he with me?"

I also think it's in a girls nature to love attention from someone not family related. It does also sound like paranoia.

Do you expect to ALWAYS be invited when he hangs out with his friends? I don't think that's reasonable. Everyone needs some time away from their significant other to hang out with friends. That's healthy. You shouldn't expect to always be invited. When he hangs out with his friends, you should hang out with your friends or go do something that you want to do, outside of the relationship.

I can't help but wonder if this is only a problem because you don't have any friends to spend time with in between.

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^ thats my problem with my internet bf

Cara my love!!!

nooo, I don't. forget this thread. people are misunderstanding what I'm saying. I have friends. He comes out with me and my friends. I don't always invite him but if he has nothing to do and he calls me I'll include him as I should. It's not the same when the roles are reversed. Maybe I should've explained our relationship in more detail. A few months back to actually get a phone call from him on a weekend night was unheard of. As his girlfriend I expect to hang out with him at least for some of the weekend no? We definitely have time apart from each other as we're both independent people. I don't want to always tag along with him and his friends but I don't want him to lie to me about hanging out with friends- which he does- he's admitted to it.

I really didn't expect people to judge me so harshly by assuming that I'm some super paranoid girlfriend and that I don't have friends. My paranoia stems from things that happened in our relationship before- IE him admitting that he places his friends before me, him telling me that he lies, knowing that he calls me when his friends are busy, etc.

Also, this relationship is on the brink of ending and I'm aware of it. I just wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation. That's all.

Liars suck...thats wrong he should stop it, yet it is understandable if hes trying not to upset you or evoke the same old argument.
His friends should be more important than you, you've only been together eight months, he's probably had his friends alot longer.

Plus if you're arguing this much after 8 months maybe it would be better ending? The impression I get is that you don't spend alot of time together, you get jealous/annoyed that he spends more time with his friends and seems to want to be with them more than you.

The first year with my boyfriend I used to get a bit upset that my boyfriend would spend so much time with his friends and not me. I was immature and I think you're situation seems quite different

my ex used to put many of his friends needs above mine or our relationship. they'd not call for months and months and then out of the blue one woudl call and he'd drop our palns for his friend. it pisse dme off as if they really were his friends they would have been there and at least known what was happening in his life. he had some issues with cancer, him, his mom and his sister, he had been ill and in out out of ER...who was the one who was always there...me, not these so called friends.

it was a big bone of contention between us. i felt that he held certian friends in far to high regard and other not high enough. he said that he'd never turn his friends away but it turned out to be a huge driving force in the relationship. sometimes you have to pick and when it's between a partner and friends it can be really tricky.

to me, my partner is first on my list of priorities then my friends. but again you need to balance it all out.

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If he trully has shown you through his actions that he places his friends above you and that he doesn't make an effort to spend time with you, and doesn't seem to give a shit about the relationship, then you should definitely just let it end. It doesn't sound worth it to continue to make the effort when he isn't making any effort on his part.