Is it thoughts and words? Or does it have to be actions? Can it be a feeling? If it is thoughts and words and feelings, where is the line between just being friends and cheating? Does it have to go on for a certain amount of time? If it is just actions does it have to be sex. Or is holding hands and kissing cheating?


What is your definition of cheating?

Having sex when you already have a 'partner' and they don't approve of that person or you having sex with someone else.

Having feelings for someone is only human nature, acting on those feelings is what I consider to be cheating.

cheat (chēt) Pronunciation Key
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats

v. tr.

To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
To elude; escape: cheat death.

v. intr.

To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.

n.
An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.
One who cheats; a swindler.
A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.
Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.
Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.

__________________
I'm Squarepusher, and I approved this message.

Yeah, I'm someone else who doesn't believe in "emotional cheating". I think if you're with someone and absolutely besotted with someone else, to the point where your relationship with your partner suffers, that's something else.

I wouldn't lump it in with cheating because most people who cheat carnally aren't doing it for the same reasons - it's usually either a drunken mistake or done out of spite, rather than because you're madly in love with the person you cheat on.

To my mind, cheating is sleeping with someone else, without your partner's consent. It only counts as an open relationship if both parties are equally aware of and happy with the situation, so if you sleep with someone else just because you haven't made it official that you're being monogamous, that's a shitty thing to do.

But yeah, just thinking about it isn't cheating, and calling it "emotional cheating" is even sillier. People might want to cheat, but it's not because of emotions, unless boredom counts as an emotion.

i agree completely. this topic came up at my job today and i was the only one that did not believe in "emotional cheating." I work with ALL men. I was a little shocked to be completely honest. So, i figured i would go see what the rest of the world, aka KR, thought of the same topic.

when you start to feel uneasy about whatever you're doing, because that means you know you shouldn't be doing it

That's kind of surprising actually, as it's not something I'd normally associate with men. That said, I think women are perhaps more likely to 'emotionally cheat' than men, since it seems to be less common for women to have sex out of frustration; they're more likely to, say, flirt with someone as a means of release than to actually get sexy with them.

I think thinking about someone is fine unless it gets to the point where thinking of someone else starts to affect your relationship with your bf/gf.

i thinks it's easy enough to define and it sort of annoys me that everyone seems to have their own definition. you get to own your head and not be punished for what goes on in there. but any actions (communicating, touching..ect) with another person, in a romantic or sexual sense that you know your partner would be hurt by is cheating.

__________________
albert, you are the father

Since all couples are different, I think that the definition of cheating differs in accordance with the couple. Every couple lays down their own standards from a mutual understanding of each other's personalities. Relationships (lovers, friends or otherwise) operate on compromise, and you just can't compromise with some people. That's why compatibility is necessary for healthy romantic relationships.

In general, though, I don't believe in "emotional cheating". Emotions cannot be helped. Giving in to your emotions can, though, so I would generally define cheating as any conscious physical exploration of feelings (kissing; sex; oral...) between two people who are already in respective relationships.

I'm not ok with "emotional cheating", I just wouldn't call it cheating.

Yeah

I think about what it might be like with other people, including previous people. I suppose that is bad. I don't actually want to do it though, it's just a thought. Hell, some of them are probably more like memories of happy times passed. Past. It's like the difference between thinking about suicide and thinking about committing suicide, I tell myself. I never do the latter.

__________________
Time is the distance that you can't return by miles.

I escaped somehow. Let's go

actualy [sic] I have quite a blessed life if I'm honest. I have many people to love, hate few and have few money problem's [sic].... What more does a person need? Oh yeah and I have some kind of humbleness unlike you of course ^_^ ~ CarefulCarpenter

I agree with this.
Touching, kissing, sex, flirting and saying such things as "I wish you were my bf instead of []" or "I love you" etc (even if it's "just on the internet") = cheating.

Passing thoughts, feelings etc. = not cheating, unless you act on them of course. And if you're a kind person and not an asshole, you'll be considerate enough to keep these thoughts/feelings to yourself.

I also agree with lilybett that if you get an uncomfortable feeling that you shouldnt be doing what youre doing, you're doing something wrong.

What about people who DON'T see what they're doing (even if it's sleeping with someone who's not their partner) as "wrong". That's still cheating, right?

__________________

Not if it's followed by the 'come on babe, lighten up, it was only physical' argument. That solves everything, as far as I'm aware.

__________________
I'm Squarepusher, and I approved this message.

As in, if they're mentally incapable of not consenting to sex? I know a few guys like that. It might be worth buying him a "don't even think about it, bitch" baseball cap or something.

agree. If it's something you wouldnt be willing to tell your partner, then it's cheating.

Have fantasies and thoughts about other people is natural, but acting upon them, either through 'harmless' flirtation or full on action is crossing the line. There's no such thing as harmless flirtation in my book.

Well I don't know, sometimes you can flirt without that intention being there. Of course, that's going to be obvious enough to you, but possibly not to your partner. It sort of depends really who's asking: I'm sure many of us would say one thing for if it's us doing it and another if it's someone else, because where there's a grey area, we know we would not mean it as cheating, but if someone asked us, we might not be as sure.

Yeah i agree with you on that. I'm the first to admit that i'm a massive flirt by nature, i dont even realise that i'm doing it. Fortunately my boyfriend knows me and my personality and he's not the jealous type anyway, but in the past it's gotten me into trouble. Thats why i say theres no such thing as harmless flirting, to you in might be harmless, but perhaps to your partner it's not, or even to the person you're flirting with. There's always the chance that the flirtee could be hurt by the flirter.

(flirt sounds like such an odd word to me now)