if so how did that work out for you? How did you tell them that you wanted them back? or how did they tell you?
If you haven't, would you consider it, or do you think there's too much water under the bridge sometimes??

I'm asking because I must admit i'm considering it...

I took back an ex. It was ok I guess. We got back together after 3 months and stayed together for about 2 months after that. We had still been spending a lot of time together and sleeping together occassionaly since breaking up and as pathetic as this sounds, I knew he wanted me back when he burned me some CD's and didn't ask me to pay him back for the blank discs.. good lord, what was I thinking.. haha. Anyways, a few days after that, we had sex and let the L word slip and he said it back, then the day after he asked me if I'd take him back. The first month was great.. I think we got all the love that we still had for eachother out of our systems.. because the remaining month blew.. we had nothing to talk about, the sex sucked, I began realizing how wrong he was for me and how he had no goals and I wasn't willing to put up with that.. so it ended.

I would have always wondered though if we hadn't gotten back together, so I don't regret it at all.

i took mine back. it was a bizarre situation though. when we broke up the thing that killed me wasn't the breakup itself--our relationship had long been dead for at least two or three months by the time it officially happened--it was when he couldn't be the same around me as he had been when we were platonic close friends, long before the relationship began. the mourning period or what have you was pretty much done by the time we broke up for me and i don't think he ever had a mourning period at all. i saw him as my friend, almost as if our relationship had never happened. i still don't know how he viewed me; whenever we have talked about it he just says, "i was fucked up" or any other similar phrase, and at the end of the day i think it really had less to do with me myself and more to do with him not knowing himself or what else was out there.

after being broken up and seeing other people a few months later we gradually started hanging out again, just as the good friends we'd once been. we had all the same mutual friends, so of course it was a relief to finally get there. and although i still found him attractive, i swore i'd never get back with him, even if he wanted to. well. one fateful night a mighty bit of tragic news changed everything and we are still together. this particular bit of news resurrected very deep, protective and empathic feelings within me and it had become obvious that he was into me all over again (although he at the time was unaware of this news, which actually was relevant to him instead of me, complicated bs it was, and keeping the news to myself for days was gruelling).

right after i'd been told this nasty news by one of his friends' boyfriends, one of my friends informed me that he'd told her he loves me. and it took him two more days to actually tell me that. all the while, i played it off as if i didn't know either the bad news involving him OR what he'd told my friends (and apparently everyone but me). after all of it blew over he was shocked that i'd kept it secret so well and acted as though nothing was up.

although we had definately gotten back together in most senses of the sentiment, it was never really discussed. i moved out of town the next week, but there were exchanges of "i love you's" before i left. we didn't officially admit to being one another's s.o. until two months later.



that was one clusterfuck of a response. in fact, just about as clusterfucky as the whole situation was itself. probably not helpful, but i will say that so far i don't regret it, even though it's been very difficult and sometimes painful ever since. mostly because of the distance, though. i have seen tons of progress in him in terms of opening up, actually communicating his feelings, etc which was a big part in our break up. one of many, but in my opinion one of the larger issues we used to have that has seemed to slowly vanish.

and through all this i found a level of patience and observance i never though i had in me.

i think it's impossible to generalize about this topic. everyone i know, including myself, who has taken back exes has done so under very different and intricate details. but i will say, if you take back an ex due to lonliness, fear or any generally negative/insecure reason, it'll more likely than not end up bad. very bad.

No, but I've been taken back (I did the sacking in the first place) after a great deal of begging on my part over the course of what must have been about half a year. It lasted a month until it fell apart (this time he sacked me).

We'd been together for about a year and a half before the first break up and we'd been accustomed to spending almost every day together (in the evening, that is). So when we first broke up, I'm pretty sure it was a big change for both of us in terms of how we spend our time. He vastly enjoyed his new freedom to see his mates and go out drinking, and wasn't willing to give any of that up for the sake of the relationship when we got back together again. Granted, my expectations were far too high, but his complete lack of even the tiniest sacrifice wasn't terribly impressive either. We probably saw each other about a handful of times in that month.

One thing not to do, like I did, is to go back into it assuming that things will be like they were before, because there's a good chance that they wont be. You're possibly dealing with a total change in landscape, and perhaps even a change in the person (for good or bad).

Another problematic thing I can think of is whether the things that made the relationship successful in the first time round are still going to be there. And, of course, whether the things that caused the failure of it first time round are also still there.

Same deal as what mcheerio says there, that I'd have wondered what could have been if I hadn't tried to get him back. And I'd have had a far greater opinion of him (read: would've needlessly pined for him for way longer) if I hadn't that opportunity to see him for what he was.

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Deux hommes font une promenade amicale. L'un des deux porte un parapluie à son bras.
Il se met à pleuvoir. L'homme n'ouvre pas son parapluie et l'autre lui demande pourquoi.
- Parce que ça ne servirait à rien, lui répond son ami. Il est plein de trous.
- Alors, pourquoi l'as-tu pris?
- Parce que je ne pensais pas qu'il pleuvrait.

Yes and it was a big mistake. I just don't see a point in trying it again when it didn't work the first time. It didn't work for a reason and most of the time it doesn't the second time around for the same reasons. From my experience anyway and from what I've seen in other people who have tried it. It could be different for other people only you'll know that.

i have taken back the same guy like 8 times in the last 2 years, and i would do it 8 more times.
boys dont know what they want, sometimes you just have to let them go for a while, and mine always comes back.

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"the painkillers are better even than high fashion and good coffee." - barkstonwill

yes.

my current bf broke up with me after we'd been together a little over a year. i'm still not 100% clear on why.

after a little over a month he asked me out for drinks and told me he was miserable without me, and i was miserable without him, so we got back together.

we've been together for two and a half years now. living together for 4 months. things have never been better.

yes. he asked to meet me and we hugged and cried a bit and then we hung out adn he gave me a zoetrope and asked to be with me again and I said he had broken my heart so badly last time and I neded time to think about it and I did and got back together with him and he broke my heart again.

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Now honies play me close like butter played toast

Yes,we`d been together for about 3 years and we split up for 12 months during which time he sent me letters,flowers,presents and i refused to have anything to do with him because i always stuck to the "never go back"motto..but i did and i regretted it.It just wasn`t the same,or should i say that I wasn`t the same.We lasted about 18 months and all the old habits that i hated and originally ended the relationship in the first place for came back and i felt like i had cheated myself and that i`d settled for second best.I`d had a taste of freedom and pleasing me when i wanted while i was single and i couldn`t adjust.That was 6 years ago and he`s still trying to win me back....loser!! Need new man....

Yeah, because he kept threatening to kill himself etc if I didn't take him back and it had ended so abruptly (over something he had done) that I wasn't really prepared for it. So I did and we stayed together another year and it was a HUGE mistake. He took it as a license to act like a dick, emotionally blackmailed me all the time and in the end fucked me over at literally the worst moment possible. So BAD idea in my experience. People are exes for a reason.

yup.

we first got together almost six years ago. we were really young (i was 16, he was 17) and he was my first love and all that. we were together on and off for about six months and he was an arse and messed me around and broke my heart and it was generally a bit rubbish.

after that we mostly stayed in contact...we'd have periods where we didn't really speak for months and periods where we'd speak every other day. to be honest i never really got over him. a couple of years ago he asked me if i wanted to go stay with him for a few days (by this time he was living in glasgow, 400 miles away), and off i went. it was the first time in ages that we'd spent more than a few hours at a time together, and it was lovely. we basically got back together while i was there, and then a few weeks later he moved back down here and we've been together since then. and we got engaged last july. and i couldnt be happier

(although the three or so years in between where we werent together and i was just obsessing about him were a wee bit ghey.)

yeah, like a fool i did.

we lived together for two years and broke up. then a year later got back together for a year and a half and i broke it off again. we remained friends and then less than a year later we got back together and it lasted about 8 months when he fucked up and cheated. truth be known, it was over but just wasn't talked about. it still sucked and was very painful as he was someone who had i had a lot of faith in. turns out he wasn't the personi thought he was.

he's tried to remain friends with me but i had to tell him to leave me alone that because of the trust issue i couldn't be friends with him which was sad, as we were once partners, lovers and best friends and now i cannot stand the sight of him.

be carefull...it might be better to move on then keep going down that road. but everyone needs to do what is right for them!

i've now met someone who is so diffferent and so much more thoughtful, and caring. We connect on an emotional level, physical level and truly enjoy every minute we spend together.
They are worlds apart and i wish i hadn't wasted so long with someone whom i knew wasn't right for me, it was comfort that made me stay in the situation.

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Oooo, you have summed up just what I felt about the end of my last relationship. Good eloquence.

I was taken back just over a year ago...maybe two?
Its amazing and I couldn't be happier. Last night he told me he wished I wanted to get married (I never do) so he could propose to me. Consequently I'm all gushy and loved up today.

it's amazing what people put up with when they are in a realtionship.
my best friend and i were talking about this the other night. we both had recently dated very toxic people and now he's dating an amazing guy and i've met someone who is wicked (very complicated situation but he's still absolutley incredible) and it amazes me the things that i denied myself in the realtionship for one person who in the end turned out to be a total asshole to me.

it makes you realize what is important and what you will and won't put up with in the future.

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that's awesome, i'm glad it's worked out for you guys!

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So true- but I wish I had been born with the innate knowledge!

me too. but you know that what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!

i'm using all the things from the past that were mistakes to make sure that i don't go down that path ever again. it just sucks that sometimes it takes so long to come to that realization. in my case, almost 6 years.

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