if so how did that work out for you? How did you tell them that you wanted them back? or how did they tell you?
If you haven't, would you consider it, or do you think there's too much water under the bridge sometimes??

I'm asking because I must admit i'm considering it...

I took back an ex. It was ok I guess. We got back together after 3 months and stayed together for about 2 months after that. We had still been spending a lot of time together and sleeping together occassionaly since breaking up and as pathetic as this sounds, I knew he wanted me back when he burned me some CD's and didn't ask me to pay him back for the blank discs.. good lord, what was I thinking.. haha. Anyways, a few days after that, we had sex and let the L word slip and he said it back, then the day after he asked me if I'd take him back. The first month was great.. I think we got all the love that we still had for eachother out of our systems.. because the remaining month blew.. we had nothing to talk about, the sex sucked, I began realizing how wrong he was for me and how he had no goals and I wasn't willing to put up with that.. so it ended.

I would have always wondered though if we hadn't gotten back together, so I don't regret it at all.

i took mine back. it was a bizarre situation though. when we broke up the thing that killed me wasn't the breakup itself--our relationship had long been dead for at least two or three months by the time it officially happened--it was when he couldn't be the same around me as he had been when we were platonic close friends, long before the relationship began. the mourning period or what have you was pretty much done by the time we broke up for me and i don't think he ever had a mourning period at all. i saw him as my friend, almost as if our relationship had never happened. i still don't know how he viewed me; whenever we have talked about it he just says, "i was fucked up" or any other similar phrase, and at the end of the day i think it really had less to do with me myself and more to do with him not knowing himself or what else was out there.

after being broken up and seeing other people a few months later we gradually started hanging out again, just as the good friends we'd once been. we had all the same mutual friends, so of course it was a relief to finally get there. and although i still found him attractive, i swore i'd never get back with him, even if he wanted to. well. one fateful night a mighty bit of tragic news changed everything and we are still together. this particular bit of news resurrected very deep, protective and empathic feelings within me and it had become obvious that he was into me all over again (although he at the time was unaware of this news, which actually was relevant to him instead of me, complicated bs it was, and keeping the news to myself for days was gruelling).

right after i'd been told this nasty news by one of his friends' boyfriends, one of my friends informed me that he'd told her he loves me. and it took him two more days to actually tell me that. all the while, i played it off as if i didn't know either the bad news involving him OR what he'd told my friends (and apparently everyone but me). after all of it blew over he was shocked that i'd kept it secret so well and acted as though nothing was up.

although we had definately gotten back together in most senses of the sentiment, it was never really discussed. i moved out of town the next week, but there were exchanges of "i love you's" before i left. we didn't officially admit to being one another's s.o. until two months later.



that was one clusterfuck of a response. in fact, just about as clusterfucky as the whole situation was itself. probably not helpful, but i will say that so far i don't regret it, even though it's been very difficult and sometimes painful ever since. mostly because of the distance, though. i have seen tons of progress in him in terms of opening up, actually communicating his feelings, etc which was a big part in our break up. one of many, but in my opinion one of the larger issues we used to have that has seemed to slowly vanish.

and through all this i found a level of patience and observance i never though i had in me.

i think it's impossible to generalize about this topic. everyone i know, including myself, who has taken back exes has done so under very different and intricate details. but i will say, if you take back an ex due to lonliness, fear or any generally negative/insecure reason, it'll more likely than not end up bad. very bad.

No, but I've been taken back (I did the sacking in the first place) after a great deal of begging on my part over the course of what must have been about half a year. It lasted a month until it fell apart (this time he sacked me).

We'd been together for about a year and a half before the first break up and we'd been accustomed to spending almost every day together (in the evening, that is). So when we first broke up, I'm pretty sure it was a big change for both of us in terms of how we spend our time. He vastly enjoyed his new freedom to see his mates and go out drinking, and wasn't willing to give any of that up for the sake of the relationship when we got back together again. Granted, my expectations were far too high, but his complete lack of even the tiniest sacrifice wasn't terribly impressive either. We probably saw each other about a handful of times in that month.

One thing not to do, like I did, is to go back into it assuming that things will be like they were before, because there's a good chance that they wont be. You're possibly dealing with a total change in landscape, and perhaps even a change in the person (for good or bad).

Another problematic thing I can think of is whether the things that made the relationship successful in the first time round are still going to be there. And, of course, whether the things that caused the failure of it first time round are also still there.

Same deal as what mcheerio says there, that I'd have wondered what could have been if I hadn't tried to get him back. And I'd have had a far greater opinion of him (read: would've needlessly pined for him for way longer) if I hadn't that opportunity to see him for what he was.

Yes and it was a big mistake. I just don't see a point in trying it again when it didn't work the first time. It didn't work for a reason and most of the time it doesn't the second time around for the same reasons. From my experience anyway and from what I've seen in other people who have tried it. It could be different for other people only you'll know that.