okay i know that sounds really bad, so let me clarify...

it's not that he doesn't respect, me for example. although in a way i guess that's the truth.

see, we've been living together for about 8 months, together for a year and a half, and even before we moved in together, i started to notice things like this:

i lent him my mp3 player that my friend got me for xmas, because he worked construction and hated the guys he worked with, so could listen to music and not have to talk to them all day. a week later, when i asked him how it was going, he said he "couldn't find it" ... obviously i was like WHAT! but he told me to chill out because it was probably in his (extremely messy) car somewhere. fine. whatever. well like six months later he finally admitted that he lost it. how lovely!

this is a continuous thing!

for example. i have been really sick the last few days. on wednesday night, he went to get something from my car, so i asked him to bring in a bag of (expensive) goodies that i had purchased earlier that day on my lunch hour that i forgot in there. he brought them in and put them on the floor in the living room. well i was deliriously ill, took tons of neo-citran and benelyn and all the rest of it, and went to bed. never touched the bag. the next day, i stayed home, he went to work, and i noticed, i could not find the bag anywhere. when he got home, i asked him where he put it, and he went on the defensive (like he always does) claiming that i put it somewhere (i know i didn't move the bag!) and to look for it. well i've been looking for it all morning now (i stayed home again today) and can't find it anywhere.

WTF!

this is always the same. when we moved, i had a lot of my clothes in green garbage bags. he went on an ocd-induced "cleaning" spree while i was at work one day and threw away a bag that had my best coat, three pairs of shoes, and another spring jacket in it. i KNOW he did it, because the bag "disappeared" after he "cleaned" ... i know he didn't do it on purpose but this is what i mean, he doesn't respect my stuff, therefore i don't think he's really respecting me.

what to do? stress!

if someone i knew was taking my stuff and lying about it, i'd get rid. he sounds like jake dean to your nancy hayton

(i don't know who those people are...)

the thing is i know he's not doing anything like that purposely, he's just like, scatterbrained? or... how can i say it... it just seems like he has no cares in the world, la la la, and to him, like i shouldn't be so upset about things like this. big deal, it's lost/missing/garbage by accident, CHILL OUT. but i'm like, not that way. i need order in my life. i need to know where my belongings are at.

i dunno!

yeah I don't think it's unreasonable to expect the person you live with not to throw your belongings away! Actually have heard of flatmates/siblings/parents who pull off these manoveurs for no good reason so it's not just inconsiderate boys. Anyway I'd have a word about it.

lol i love it.

there's a difference between being scatterbrained and being plain inconsiderate. and i think your boyfriend is verging on the latter.

well see i have had a word about it with him, and he just denies it (like the garbage bag full of clothes, denies it to this day) and i mean the mp3 player he only admitted to after i got another one from my dad for xmas the following year (and six months after he lost the one i got from my friend), and as for this bag of goodies, well we are going on two days now of me asking him where he put it, and if he moved it "by accident" or "while cleaning" and he just denies denies denies...

but you see, i am not insane, i know i did not move this bag of goodies, and i know i was too ill to have even cared about it at that time. it was on the floor, and now it's not. and he tells me angrily "well i didn't touch it! so go look for it!" he gets mad because i always ask him where he put my things when i can't find them. he thinks i am constantly accusing him of taking/moving/throwing out my stuff.

well maybe i am. but the only reason is because when i lived on my own, i never had this problem, and now living with him, things keep disappearing!

not sure what to do, as i am not rich, and my stuff is important to me. it's not easily or quickly replaced, and he won't replace it for me if he's lost it, so it's frustrating! but then i know he isn't doing it on purpose or maliciously... so it is very confusing!

i am reaching a breaking point though. i mean i can't see myself living like this for many many years to come...

why why did i fall in love. i hate this.

see i know this! and yet, i feel bad about discussing this with him. he just gets upset with me if i even mention it! for example, if i even remotely hint at that garbage bag full of clothes and shoes, he will flip his lid! it's very disconcerting situation to be in. sigh.

Your boyfriend is a dick. Disrespect and accusation when he knows he's done something wrong shows his true character.
It reminds me a bit of my ex. Before we lived together it was great. But he was inconsiderate to anything that didn't directly concern him. He didn't lose my stuff, but he had other weird quirks. Like when I wanted to hang things up he designated a small space of wall for me. But his posters were allover. And this happened when he moved in with ME. Same with his things. It drove me fucking crazy.

What a winner.

see this is another thing. our place MUST follow HIS decorating scheme: black, white, silver, grey. mostly black. um.... i like colour in my life! i like the 60s, i like vintage, no no nooooo. like i ended up buying this heinously uncomfortable couch because it was black, because he would not let me get a comfortable one that was blue. but this is another story i guess.

he just texted me that he'll "help me find it" when he gets home. well if we find it, then i'll have to ask how it got there. if we don't... then i guess i need to have this conversation with him. i'm getting really sick of being walked all over.

the weird thing is, i think i just realized that this is happening. like, just now.

That is exactly what it is. He is walking allover you. I would definitely have a talk with him. I'm sure he does realize- at least partially- what he is doing. See if it's a behavior he's willing to change. If not, then thats a bad sign.

see i've had discussions with him before where i've said look this has to change or we need to make a compromise or something because it's not cool with me, and even though he claims he loves me soooo much and wants to get married and have babies and all the rest of that, the few times i've said "wait a minute" he's gone "FINE! YOU WANNA BREAK UP? WE'LL BREAK UP!" like SO FAST and SO EASY...

what is taht??? it worries me. this is my first live-in boyfriend, and my first serious relationship... it scares me to think that it could end...

and wouldn't it be so petty to break up over something so petty? gahhh.

Sounds like manipulative behavior. Thats what mine did to me. And he was my first live in boyfriend as well.
Here is what I theorize is the deal with mine (and the rest that fall into this "type") - They romanticize the idea of being with someone, marriage, being together forever, etc. When it comes to real life sacrifices they aren't emotionally mature enough to change the behavior. It's all or nothing. They want their partner to change their ways in accordance to how they think and how they live.
My ex has a good heart. I don't want to completely vilify him. But he did have that only child syndrome thing going on.
Hopefully, you two can work something out. But if you don't put your foot down about things that really bother you then its obviously going to continue.

you're right. but it's hard because i'm not really good at communicating i guess. my boyfriend has a good heart as well, he is one of the kindest people i have ever met. he treats strangers will as much respect as his mother. he is awesome. but there are things like this, that make me feel stupid for even worrying about them, because he IS so great. but to me, these are important things! does that make me shallow??

With all relationships that work there is a give and take. So no, I don't think you are shallow. For example, the decoration thing. Really, it should be a decision from both of you. Something both of you can live with. It isn't necessarily about the color scheme of your house. It's about putting you into consideration. Sometimes with boys you really do have to drive your point home. You can't be timid about it. If you feel it is a form of disrespect tell him so. Don't let him brush you off. (Some guys do that. You know the typical- "she must be PMSing/hormonal" etc.)

gah. boys. gah.

i think i was happier when i was a single man-hater.

I would get so pissed off if my bf did stuff like that, I don't think I'd stay with him. Seriously. I'm very posessive about my stuff, and if someone was throwing out my stuff or carelessly borrowing it and then losing it, I'd be so fucking pissed off. I wouldn't tolerate it. This guy sounds like he just doesn't care about your feelings at all.