Basic summary: one of my friends has been "demoted" by his girlfriend, from boyfriend to... well, I'm not entirely sure what. Far as I know she's not seeing anyone else or doing anything to actively initiate an open relationship, but I can't think of any reason to do it other than as a precursor to breaking up.

I'm mainly wanting to know if there's anything I can do, I suspect there isn't, I've tried talking to him about it and he agrees it's a retarded situation. In every other respect, she's a nice girl, really easy to get on with, which makes it seem so out of character for her to do something like that.

I don't know. Advice plz?

Can you provide more information before I make an assessment?

Yeah, Im that friend. I had this gf for a while and now its just gone cold. Am I bothered, no, but it was a lot of fun.

__________________
Ezekiel 33:33 Rev 13:16 Lev 11:7
Forums
Last FM
ن٥ﻻ ﻉ√٥ﺎ ٱ

I understand it's your friend and you want to help but just don't do anything. Let them work it out by themselves.

If people just minded their own business my last relationship would have ended much more nicely I suspect.

Well maybe, but not a huge amount. It's a little sketchy because I'm hearing about it through him mostly. I don't know, I just feel like he should be leaving her with some shred of dignity intact. I'd like to think it's what I'd do.

The thing is, he has figured it out for himself. He just seems to stop short of actually doing anything about it, which makes me wonder if he thinks he deserves this kind of shoddy treatment, or that it's a perfectly normal thing to do.

I can't imagine this one's going to run smoothly though, unless downgrading your boyfriend to fucktoy-with-a-crush-on-you is a sign of respect I've not previously been made aware of.

I mean, does anyone think she's not gearing up to dump him, but waiting til someone else comes along first? Like when you've decided to leave a job but are waiting for another one to come along? I don't know any other way to interpret her actions.

what reasons did she give for the demotion?

__________________
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Well, what do you *want* to do for him?

None that he's told me about. Does that matter?

I don't know really, I kinda hoped I could talk him into getting out of the situation sooner rather than staying in the relationship and getting treated like crap. This is kinda why I'm asking if there's any way to interpret her actions as anything other than a sign of not respecting him.

it seems as if it's a pretty random thing for her to do, it may give a clearer indication as to why she's done this - maybe she's just trying to 'find' herself or something?

but yeah it's a bit harsh maybe if she's just demoted him without telling him why or that. maybe the best thing is just to be there for him? try and give him advice, cups o tea, a shoulder when he needs it sorta jazz.

__________________
Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

Oh, I will be. I always have been. I think that's why I'm finding it frustrating, it's not like this is the first time he's been mistreated by a woman and not done anything about it. It's just the most blatant, in that as you say, she's not just subconsciously or internally demoting him. My theory is that she actually wants him to dump her, rather than have to pluck up the courage to dump him herself (and yeah, I know, we've all done it at some point, but she's well into her 20s). I won't pretend the guy is an awesome catch or anything - frankly he's quite weird - but she would've known that when they started dating.

have you talked to her about it? i would if you and her were semi-buds.

weird guys are always awesome catches.

What happend to the 'kick-her-inna-vagina' advice?

Try that.

yeah, that's what i was going to say. i mean, you seem pretty interested in what she's really thinking/doing. is it out of the question to ask her?

We're not that close or anything; we get on okay when we're in each other's company (which is pretty rare for me) but that hasn't happened very often and we've not really sought each other out at any point.

I don't really know how you'd start a conversation on a subject like that.


Nuh-uh, not always.

She's breaking up with him but she just wants to buy herself time because she's afraid of his reaction or she just wants a chance to have him wrapped around her finger. She's probably been planning to breakup with him for a few months but for whatever reason she's kind of scared to do it.
I did that to a guy when I was in high school. But he was one of those "weird" guys who turned out to be a psycho which was why I was a bit nervous about breaking up with him in the first place.

this is good advice.

i'm trying to figure out her motive and the only one i can come up with is that she wants to keep her options open, basically. she doesn't really want to be with him but she doesn't want to be on her own, so she's giving herself the freedom to shag around while still keeping him there for affection and cuddles/a guaranteed shag at the end of the night.

basically she's being a bit of a knob. and if i was in your situation i would be equally frustrated at my friend for letting someone treat him/her like second best.

so how's he reacting to this situation? is he fairly ok with it? or is he convinced that eventually she'll realise how much she misses him and promote him back to boyfriend?

I learnt over the weekend you can do absolutely nothing

yes
this is a very good point
theres a good chance she has tried to break up with him in the past outright but been met w. too much resistance or nonacceptance on his part

and of course if the weird guy realises her reasons for the demotion, and especially if they are valid, he is never going to admit her reasons to his friends
he is just going to act like its something that came out of the blue
which is probably the main reason why it appears as though the girl is the one doing something wrong
shes probably just trying to break up with him in the way that she thinks is safest for herself

__________________
should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

No offense, but this post is the biggest load of crap I've ever read in this forum in the last hour.