I've been out of the dating scene for a while and now I'm back in there it's really not all that pretty...

I just met some guy who had arranged to meet me after a gig he was going to. He said he'd text me when he was on his way to the bar, that way I could meet him there. Mistake no 1) He didn't text me when he set off. I text him because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt - more fool me.

So I message him when I get there to ask where he is - is it unreasonable that I think he should meet me at the door? But no - mistake no. 2) he texts back telling me where he is bearing in mind the bar is rammed I had to push through people to find him. He's there talking to mates, not even looking for me!! I almost turn around to leave but no, I'm here now...

I fight my way over and pat him on the back. He says hey and follows it up with "you should get yourself a drink" which is definitely mistake no. 3. Now I'm all for gurls paying their way and I always get them a drink back but really guys, at least get the first one in.

So I get my own drink and perve at the cute barman and realise just how much better looking most of the guys in here are compared to the guy I'm with... I finish my drink and make an excuse to leave. If he doesn't treat me like a funky princess now chances are he never will. I can see why he's almost 30 and still single...

Have I been out of the game for too long?

Yeah, I'm guessing that this has nothing to do with it being "the 21st century" and a lot more to do with him being a jerk.

You're completely wrong about this though:

Why's that then?

you should have used the 'going to get yourself' a drink part as a great opportunity to leave there and go find yourself some proper girth

agreed. he sounds like a jackass.

you should have offered to blow the bartender.

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Equality, simple as. You take the rough with the smooth. You don't get to keep the perks of chivalry one minute and want to be an equal.

Get rounds in!

Sorry, but this kinda bugs me. Yes, the guy sounds like he was a bit of a nob (although in a way that's making me wonder - did he definitely know this was a date? Was it actually said that it was? I'm just wondering why his mates were there is all), but that doesn't really have much to do with the drink buying thing. It's a nice thing to do for someone, but you seem to have expected it. I never would.

well, that's because your greasy shitter's not worth the draft beer and roofie.

As stated earlier, I do! However, when on a date I expect to be treated a certain way. I think the guy should get the first one because it's a sweet thing to do. I'll always get them some back.

Err... yes! He asked ME to meet him there - no mention of mates. I think they just happened to be there. That's not the problem, the problem is that he didn't even look for me when I arrived. Needless to say, there won't be a third date...

I usually don't want a second date if he hadn't paid for the first. It's not a conscious choice, it just seems to work out that way. Equality can suck my left on on the first date.

i agree with Rachy about the drinks thing.

i always offer to pay for more than my fair share, but buy me a drink first. it's the nice thing to do. you're not likely to get anywhere with me if you can't at least do that.

Why's it the guy's job to be sweet? Why shouldn't you be the sweet one?

I guess we won't agree, maybe it's because I've only done the same-sex dating, but I just don't see why it's a gender issue at all.

Because I like to be treated like a lady. I'm old fashioned like that. Once I know he's sweet and has good old manners we can get to the nasty stuff... xx

I demand nice manners from a gentleman but I don't expect him to buy me a drink at all. I just don't see why he should. I know in this case, its not exactly the same, but I hate that trend amongst other girls to be like "Oh, I want a drink, I am going to find a guy at the bar to buy me one". So many of my friends are like that and I think its fucking rude.

I am all for door holding and offering me a seat but I don't think manners has to extend to putting the cash out first. In fact I get a little suspicious of guys trying to buy me drinks- I'm thinking "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

But I have not been on many dates anyway. I am so relationship phobic, I tend to fall into them rather than intentionally try. And I am a bit oblivious. I think I have probably been on double as many dates as I think I have because sometimes I think I'm just meeting a male friend for a drink etc and it turns out in their head, we are on a date.

never say funky princess ever again

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you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

To be fair, I don't think she was saying that. But yes, I used to have friends who would do that, as in, they'd literally take a fiver out with them for a night out and just scrounge all night. It truly sickened me.

When it's about courtesy, I don't see that gender applies. Opening doors... I mean, whoever's in the best position to do it should do it, male or female. My opinion, of course, but I just don't see why it's either gender's duty to do that kind of thing over the other.

The thing of "being treated like a lady"... it's no different from him not wanting to do "woman's work".

i've always preferred to get my own first drink, i think it shows more independance and its prob safer in case he's such a freak that he'd spike a drink (sorry i'm paranoid)

Here's something you might want to try out in the datingz of the 21zt centuriez*: fuck mobile phones off out of the equation for at least the first three dates.

Landlines were great. When you made an arrangement to meet over a landline, the arrangement would very often not change within seconds of your leaving the house. We actually used to make plans hours, even days in advance, and then stick to them, even if it involved slight inconvenience, like having to plan when you got ready to go out so that you'd be ready in time to leave for wherever you were going.

Where did this go wrong? With mobiles, that's where. Suddenly, you can change your plans at a moment's notice, at long distance, and even in text format, just in case you might've felt something resembling guilt about it. This is great if you're a high class jetsetter. It is the absolute fucking death knell of anything approaching romance. You wouldn't think, from watching 21st century life, that people managed to copulate at all before the 20th century. And yet people did. They'd arrange to meet at a place by letter months in advance, and be counting the days until then. I can't help but feel that, as a result of all this, romance choked to death on its own vomit, but nevertheless, it's a nice idea in retrospect.

So, my thinking is: give him a landline number when you meet. Tell a little fib about getting a new mobile if you have to. It makes things easier, and it actually makes you seem interested. I dunno, is it just me who suspects a lot of people have two mobile numbers, one for giving to people, and one for actually using?

It's my idea, and I'll be honest, I probably haven't thought it through, but if anyone wants to jeapordise their future romantic happiness by trying it out, that'd be rad.


*z'z are popular in the 21zt centuriez

I have wrists with an uncanny resemblance to drinking straws and I'm as weak as a kitten. So I want men to open doors for me so I can get into bars without expending all my energy battling a door.

Ive had something similar with a current guy I am seeing or trying to see. I was told he liked me so I asked him if he wanted to get to know me better. We went out but to my shock his friends were there. Oh dear. This happened a second time too. But the bit that really fucked me over was him saying to me on new years day 'do you wanna go out some time?' I say yes and he doesnt even get back to me. On day 19 I send him a message going 'interested or not?' he says he is interested but there is nothing. jez

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"I'm getting fucking tired of you fucks" - Trent Reznor - toronto 1994

I am the hate you try to hide and I control you - Mr Self-Destruct.