What are the signs that your boyfriend/husband has crossed the line? I mean, how would you define a platonic male/female friendship vs. one that is bordering on risky/emotional cheating.

i think this is actually a good question.

i don't have any advice but i'm curious to hear what other people have to say.

Thanks. I am very curious too. I am well known to have jealousy issues which is why I myself am not posting my opinions on it, but I want to see how others feel so I can get a healthier opinion/outlook.

I think the thing is, there's some things that you would obviously consider "emotional cheating" (I hate that expression, btw :eww:), and some things that are obviously innocent.

But there's a really huge grey area in the middle, and I don't think there is a clear cut line - it depends on so much, like how healthy your relationship is, how long he's known the friend, etc. Personally, I've always been inclined to err on the side of not jumping to conclusions - I figure there's worse things that being made a fool of, and if the guy is just friends with her, he'll resent it if you split them up. As someone who's very often the friend in these situations, it's not a nice feeling when someone you've known for years is being accused of "emotional cheating" just for being around you, and it reflects really badly on the accuser.




Over jealousy though, I really advise against the "he shouldn't do [x] because he knows I get jealous" school of thought. It's been brought up on here before and I'm sure someone will even if I mention it now. Knowing you have a problem is the first step, yes, but emphasis on "first". Doing something about it is the next one, and it means not expecting others to alter their behaviour around it. The problem with jealousy is that, if you know you're being a bit irrational, it makes it harder for you to judge how irrational; you can be looking at something innocent and be jealous, but equally, you can be looking at something that's totally out of order and think that you're only mad because you're the jealous type.

yeah. & also
do people think its worse "emotional cheating" or physical cheating?

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no no never say maybe to smack bunny baby again.

Physical cheating is obviously worse. We can't control how we feel, but we can control what we do about it.

good point. but say one night stands? or physically cheating with no emotional attachments?

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no no never say maybe to smack bunny baby again.

I for one would be devastated by emotional or physical cheating. I get jealous enough by him having casual female friends.

i feel as though i would be more likely to forgive someone who cheated on me "on a whim" physically. rather than had they cheat on me by actually "getting to know" somebody else emotionally and forming an attachment to them as a person. even if the physical cheating hadnt happened....yet. i dont know. i think it might bug me more. but maybe it wouldnt..
not that anybody should be cheating anyway, but yes

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no no never say maybe to smack bunny baby again.

same here, but any scenario would make me flip.

To me, it's always about intent more than mitigating circumstances. A one-night stand, severely encouraged by alcohol, is still not okay, although I guess it is better than doing it totally sober (but then, has that ever happened?). It would depend on who it's with as well; again, neither is okay, but doing some stranger is probably more forgivable than doing your partner's sister, although it's a moot point since the only scenario this would come up in is if a guy slept with your sister, you stayed with him, and then he slept with some other stranger, and you think "well, okay, I guess you've done worse things, I can't really justify breaking up because of this".

It's a bit off topic though. The thing about physical sex is that someone other did it or they didn't. In the case of "emotional cheating", it's more multi-dimensional. It refers to what's acceptable as it's understood by both partners (whereas most people are pretty clear that sticking it in someone else is not okay, and if it is, there's usually been some kind of discussion/agreement to establish that). Short of someone having no friends whatsoever, you can't ever be 100% certain that they're not "more than friends". Some people are a lot more physical with their friends than others, or more emotionally close.

I do think that most "emotional cheating" really is just a product of jealousy, and the desire to end the relationship but not wanting to be the bad guy. If he never thinks of other people at all, is his fidelity to us meaningful? I often wonder whether that's the case, whether people want to think that their partner is capable of cheating but chooses not to, and if jealousy is a manifestation of that.

Having been in both situations, I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. Your relationship inevitably changes when you find out that's someone's cheated for the first time, but you can adjust to it. I know it's probably not a widespread view, but I wouldn't have a major problem with a guy seeing me and someone else; I don't believe love/affection/whatever is quantifiable so I don't think seeing two people means you love either of them any less. Unfortunately in the example in question, the other guy didn't see it that way, so I (sort of) lost out.

Some shitty study I read said women are more upset at emotional cheating and men at physical.

i like a lot of what ophiel said already about jealousy, but something else i've noticed is: (and i'm not claiming this is universal and happens every time so you nitpickers just get off my back ) when you express jealousy over your partner and someone else, this weird thing can happen where you end up creating or strengthening a bond between them - this you vs them thing happens wherein your partner (likely responding defensively) begins to see his or her self and the person you're jealous of as a unit that you are trying to control him or her out of, and i think that has a way of making them feel closer to and more in sync with this other person. and, that's where (as far as i've seen) things really start to get ugly. even if cheating doesn't come into the picture.

What exactly is emotional cheating to you? Define it please.

for me its forming too close of a thing with another girl- like they HAVE to talk every single day, their talk borders on flirting or is flirting, they go places one on one together. Basically to me emotional cheating is forming too deep an emotional bond with another- all that time, emotion, etc should be reserved for me. Its too intimate.

well you gotta ask why it isn't reserved for you.

emotions aren't cheating. if she's more special than you, get out now.

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they made soup out of my research turtles.

Does it make a difference if the friendship forms during your relationship rather than before it started? Or is it just as bad either way?

Or get more special, i.e. more blowjobz?

^^
If it's before there is FUCK ALL you can do.

good answer.

EEK! Hate to agree but I guess I have to. But how do you proceed if you think its happening.