And I also need to vent / let it all out, something I can't do on my other profile because my ex reads my posts.

So I've been friends with this guy for over 2 years, and in the course of the past year we've become really close. Like, best friends close. He's really special to me. Seriously, if it weren't for him, I think my life would be unbearably bleak. I've always had a "thing" for him, even before we became friends, and I've always thought we shared some sort of mutual unspoken bond. When we first got to know each other, he apparantly never stopped talking about me to his other friend. He's never been afraid of complimenting me, telling me I'm pretty and interesting and that he never tires of talking to me. He genuinely seems to care about me, and that's something I've never really experienced with anyone before. Words can't explain my attraction to him. He's unlike anyone I've ever known. So genuine, so true to himself, so completely without any false facades. He never fails to make me laugh with an original sense of humour that no one else can seem to relate to. We connect on so many levels and share so much in common (how we feel about things, opinions, personality traits...). I just never did anything about it partially because I'm shy and partially because well... I could never really "picture" him in a relationship and I didn't know why. But mostly because I didn't want to ruin our friendship, which is really important to me. I'm just so glad he's in my life.

A few days ago, he told me he's gay. He said that at first he thought he was asexual, and he's still not sure. I was really surprised. It had actually occured to me before that he's never had a girlfriend of any kind, and I doubt he's ever been kissed. But I just figured he was shy, kinda like me, maybe lacked a bit of self-confidence. Also, he notices girls appearance alot and has opinions on whose hawt and who's not. I've only recently realized that he never said he fancied anyone, but only who he thinks is good-looking. When he came out, he was all like "I hope you don't feel any differently about me. I'm still me". Of course I'm totally ok about it. I have no prejudices towards gays whatsoever, and I told him that I don't care at all, to which he replied "Well as long as you're not bothered then I couldn't give a shit". And we've been communicating brilliantly as normal like the conversation never happened ever since.

But the wierd thing is, now that he's told me he's gay it's like.... it's like I'm even more in love with him. Like it makes him even more interesting or something. Honestly, for the past few days I've gotton both excited and disappointed thinking about it. I mean, thinking about him always makes me feel dazed and excited, but lately it's been more of a... hysterical feeling of heartbreak. Am I crazy for feel like this? It's like I've lost something. His affection? It always felt like he liked me in a romantic sense but didn't act upon it. I just want him to be happy, so I never thought about the prospect of "us" realistically. It might sound corny, but I felt (and still do feel) that we belong together spiritually in some other world or dimension.

I don't want to turn him straight or anything, I just want to stop feeling this way. And I want to vent about it because I have no one to talk to (he trusts me not to tell anyone). I only want to love him platonically. As long as he's happy, I'm happy.

Have a wank while thinking about him having sex with a big fat girl and a dude with no arms.

I used to fancy one of my friends before I knew he was gay (I have a crap gaydar). Now we are ridiculously good friends and I can't believe I ever felt anything sexually towards him. He sounds a bit like your friend, I didn't realise he was gay because he was always talking about women looking pretty/hot and noticed stuff about girls looks all the time.

Try to just think of him as a brother, but not in an incestuous way.

I guess my best hope is that my feelings for him will fade with time. Maybe I do feel differently about him now I know he's gay, but just haven't realized it yet. It's not that I'd like him any less of course. I'm already starting to feel less jealous of the other girls he hangs around with. But I still feel really wierd/lost/confused. I love him, I really do. And I don't think any amount of wanking's gonna make me feel better.