ok, i really dont think i get along with guys when it comes to relationships. or maybe anyone. maybe im meant to be alone, who knows.
there are generalizations in this but i dont care. they are based on truth sometimes. a lot of guys hate expressing how they feel. the guy im with right now acts like it takes so much out of him to say "i love you" like he feels weak and shit if he says it. like society gives him that message or something. i could tell him i loved him 10 times a day because i do and it could be the last thing i say to him so i want it to be good. he even whispers it on the phone and if i dont hear him he'll be like "too bad" and i have to ask him to repeat it. :\ i dont understand why its so hard for guys to just express themselves like that. hell, maybe im wrong and he doesnt really love me. another example of this is in my other thread. i accidentally pissed him off because he was in a bad mood. he could of told me he was in a bad mood. i could go on about my feelings all day if someone wanted me to. im a people pleaser i think, it gets pretty bad sometimes. for example, im willing to stay up and talk to him if he wants me to even if i know ill be tired the next day. but hes not that way, if he's tired, he goes to bed right that minute. im willing to go way out of my way if it means that he'll be happy, but he doesnt give 2 fucks if i want to talk to him if hes tired, he'll go right to bed.
another thing is that i hardly get mad. it takes a whole lot to get me mad/be in a bad mood and then im over it in a short amount of time. i would rather talk it out and resolve it than let it go unresolved for weeks. he would rather not talk for a few days. that is pointless to me. i never yell, i dont think im capable of it without crying. guys seem to like yelling. im not cool with that. i dont understand why someone would get so mad over a fucking instant message to where they would cuss out another. it doesnt make sense to me.
he will make me wait like 4 or 5 minutes for replies on msn sometimes. i think thats rude and dont do it to him. it just makes me think that he doesnt care enough to talk to me.
sometimes he'll tell me to "go away" if i make him mad. i wouldnt ever want someone to leave me alone for hours even if i was mad at them. i just like being around him. i dont need space. guys seem to love their space. life is just more exciting with someone there.
also, i try to take an interest in what he likes because i just find him interesting and i think that he has good taste. he thinks im a puppy dog and have no interests at all. not true. why cant he be one of my interests? if he tells me about a new show or movie he likes, i will download it. he doesnt have to ask me. but if i tell him about i show i liked, he would probably forget the name of it and not think twice about it. id probably have to tell him to download it if i wanted him to watch it.
i always ask him how his day was because im interested and i care. i think hes asked me that about once a year. he knew i was going to my sister's graduation this morning, did he ask how it went? no
and he's always the want to want to go on the phone. i never want to get off the phone with him but he always says "im gonna go" first
maybe because i cant get enough of him?
so yea, maybe im completely whipped or just too clingy for anyone to deal with? maybe i like him too much? seems like i care way more about him than he'll ever care about me
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