This is so lame, but...there is a guy (a security guard) I like here at the same building I work at that I want to talk to. I'm of course a pussy, who can't go up to him and at least ask him if he has a g/f, so this way I can stop drooling over him and trying to undress him with my eyes if he's unavailable.

He looks like a heavier version of Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (smokes, jet black hair, slicked back, and a small amount of facial hair, Italian or Irish), which for some reason, makes me want him badly.

Any suggestions or ideas? My cousin suggested I bake him a cake or cookies, but other than looking like a complete psycho bringing him snacks, I want some realistic suggestions. But with how everything goes in my life, he most likely has a girlfriend or is (possibly) married.

I've never had to ask a guy out, it's usually the other way around (not that it's frequent or anything), so I'm trying to figure out a decent game plan, so if he says no, the next time I see him, I won't feel like a (rejected) nerd.

Other thing is, not sure if this is matters or not...but he's white and I'm black. So, that might be a factor. I have a habit of not noticing when guys are flirting with me until its too late...I just take it as them being really nice. I've liked and chatted with a few other guys in the past who’ve flirted with me (and I actually liked), I didn't pick up on it, and they moved, got another job -- my loss, whatever.

And of course, I was working late one night (still working at 2 or 3 in the morning) and the security guard asked me if I wanted coffee or something, I said no thanks and kept going -- I thought he was being nice. Saw him every now and then, and thought he was attractive. But, I really don’t know if he was initially interested or not, and my cousin has said that after a guy feels that you blow him off, they don’t ask or approach again -- not sure about that.

So…what’s a girl to do???

"hey, wanna grab a cup of coffee with me?"

"hey, wanna grab that cup of coffee with me?"

No?

Let him know you remember he asked etc.

do you work in my building.
cuz we have a security guard that looks just like that.
weird.

also, mikerochip's advice. do that.

Do you live in Philly?

I know, and it sounds so simple. I think it's my fear of rejection that holds me back...which of course, guys feel too when they're asking.

no.

Oh, ok.

you just need to be friendly, and this is a good rule of thumb to use with EVERYONE you encounter! smiling IS infectious, and even though you might feel like a tool, ALWAYS SMILE at people (people you know and strangers alike!) that way, when there's a hot guy, you are smiling at him! that makes him smile back. after a smile, the next day you say "GOOD MORNING!" in passing, and he returns the sentiment! the next day you say "GOOD MORNING, HOW'S IT GOING?" and he will say "good and yourself?" look at that, now you're having a conversation and you're halfway there to finding out if he has a gf or not. you could be having coffee with this hottie in a week! hop to it!!

^

yeah that's actually a good idea. i sorta have something for someone i see often and i pop a few jokes here and there and say hi, but i'm going to say "how are you" and all that.

Riot Pixie, I love that advice. And I think tomorrow, I'm just going to ask him flat out, just to get this over with. I'll feel like such a tool, but at least I don't have to keep up this dance. I'm unfortunately shy as hell, so maybe this will break me out of it. Even if he says no (because I'm black or some other reason like that), I'll have to think of something funny, so it won't be awkward afterwards (seeing each other in passing, etc.).

dude, update?

omg you need to strut upto him and be all

VANILLA N CHOCOLATE STILL MAKES CHOCOLATE *licks lips and gyrates hips*

Update (was on vacation in spain): Bitch said he has a girlfriend.

LOL! You're such a nut!!

Alright. Update to the update:

He asked me out, and I said yes. I did ask about the gf, and he said he broke up with her -- I'm obviously a rebound chick, unless he never had one in the first place. I don't really believe him, and if I find out he still is going out with someone else, I can call it off, no problem. But something tells me I might be in for a headache.

lol! well hey at least you got what (you thought) you wanted.... now if you're in this situation again you know exactly how to handle it, being just a really friendly smiley person can really change your life in so many ways!
hopefully this guy doesn't turn out to be a tool. good luck on your date!!!!

Just try not to think of yourself as rebound chick. You never know, things might work out. Goodluck and come back with updates.

Another update: He got sick (or so he says) and the date has been postponed to this coming Saturday.

But, I need some advice. I'm not sure if he needs prodding or what, but there have been no phone calls or text messages between us. The only time I see him is if I go to his work area and talk to him (we work in different floors, so I don't see him all the time). Do you guys think its cool if I text him (follow up as "are you feeling better today?") or will that seem too forward and/or annoying? He left me two messages initially wanting us to meet up and go out (he even looked around the office for me), I talked to him the next day about going out, but now, there's nothing. I don't get it.

Like I said before, he may need some prodding in terms of the whole calling/texting me type of thing. And I'm not saying it has to be excessive calling/texting -- I hate that myself -- bit it seems a bit odd...do I have to do everything? When he got "sick", he never called me to say so, because of that I felt that he wasn't interested, and I approached him the next day about what happened to the first date (I also texted him on "date" day to see if he was still interested in going out, but never got a response). He did apologize and wanted to set another one up, which we did. But there's a small, tiny, minuscule part of me that thinks this might be a: sorry I didn't call to cancel, here's your date, after this, fuck off type of thing.

I hate to be the man in the relationship, but I'm starting to feel weird about this. Even planning the first date, I chose what we were going to do and what movie we were going to see, and he just agreed to it all. I've heard of being shy, and I consider myself a bit shy (it took a while for me to even ask him at first), but not to this extent.

I'm not reading the rest of the thread because I'll forget my thoughts or be swayed:


First, I'd try conversation waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before baked goods. I'd talk about everyday life and mention in a story that you're not married or attatched... like a story of you and your friends at a bar or something.

Second, your cousin is right. Most of the time if a guy has an eye on someone and they act disinterested they're not gonna stick their finger in the same socket twice.

Finally, if he didn't answer your text, maybe he's hooked up already and just looking for a side dish. If that's not your scene: I wouldn't push it. If you guys don't end up madly in love you'll just end up in pain and alone.

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