My boyfriend is Greek Orthodox, I am 3 different religions: Catholic, Protestant & Jewish (mom is catholic & protestant/dad is jewish)...

In a few months my cousin is having his bar mitzvah. My aunt said i can bring a guest so I asked my boyfriend to come. He asked me if he has to "wear one of those hats" (yarmulke) and I said that, yes, I believe he does, as my jewish fam is pretty religious (i, as a person, am not...have never been to church or temple). He told me if that is the case then he cannot come.

I don't really understand what the big deal is about it is. Maybe it's b/c I am non-religious that I don't understand but I feel out of respect for my culture he should just wear it. Every other guy will be wearing it so it isn't like he will be the only one...and his reasons for not coming aren't that he doesn't feel comfy with my fam or whatever...his sole reason for not wanting to come is strictly b/c he has to wear a yarmulke.

Does anyone know if the yarmulke is definitely required for such a ceremony? Is there anything I can do or say that would make him comfortable with the situation? I need some advice. He did say I can ask someone else to come in his place, but I was hoping he would agree to come with me.

fuck family shit
he doesn´t have to wear a hat he doesn´t agree with
in fact he doesn´t even have to go
it´s not his religion

How are you three religions at the same tme, and your mother is Catholic and Protestant? There are some conflicting ideas there?

her dad is catholic, her mom is protestant (my grandparents)

Just don't bring him then
You are also not "three different religions" if you are not religious. It's more about ethnicity and culture in your lineage that comes with people who are traditionally those religions...anyway, if they can't tolerate him not wearing one then he just shouldn't go.

funny that, my dad is catholic and my mom is protestant too.

no my mom is both catholic & protestant b/c her parents are one of each...my dad is jewish

I got, that I was just saying I was the same as your mom.
Would be even more funny if your mom doesn't really affiliate herself too much with either anymore.

I understand that, but you can't be Catholic and Protestant and Jewish. You can't be all the religions and cover all bases at once - that's not fair on the rest of us. You either believe in one Religon and follow their teachngs or you're not any religion at all really. Your mother might be a Christian but she can't be Protestant and Catholic - there are reasons they are two seperate religions and have seperate churches and hierarchies etc - they are similar but believe in different things.

I think he's just looking for an excuse not to go.

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yeah really...

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So....you're not REALLY Jewish, because it's carried down the maternal line. Same way I'm not really Jewish (in the eyes of the orthodoxy) because only my grandfather was.

If they're going to have an issue with him being there, then don't take him; if he doesn't want to put aside his issues with the customs for one day, then don't take him. Simple as.

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I think what she means is, her family is three different religions. Obviously one person can't be three different religions at once.

Anyway, I think you should ask your family if he would have to wear it. I think he should be able to go to the bar mitzvah without being forced to wear it. If your family is respectful of other people then they shouldn't force someone to wear something that they aren't comfortable with.

If he is religious himself, then no, he shouldn't have to wear it. I don't think it would be really enforced either. However, if he doesn't go to church regularly, doesn't pray regularly, etc then he is just bullshiting you and doesn't want to go.

But as a couple, you two are a team and should act like one. It doesn't go against your faith if you wear a 'little hat' and it doesn't mean anything to you. You are just wearing a little hat.

I´m not religious so I refuse to walk into churches and I´d certainly refuse to wear a weird looking hat

yeah i don't see why he should have to wear one. i don't know the significance of that hat but he's not jewish so it wouldn't make sense for him to wear it.. even if it's a bar mitzvah, he's just a guest.

sidenote: just because your parents/grandparents are protestant/catholic/jewish doesn't mean you have to identify yourself as that. if you're not religious then you aren't any of those. sort of a bizarre thing to say.

also. i've been to catholic funerals before (i think it was catholic..) and when they kneeled, prayed, etc. i just sat quietly. i would have felt completely ridiculous trying to follow what was going on and i certainly wouldn't have appreciated anyone pressuring me into it.

Yeah, I think the same.

I doubt wearing the hat would constitute some kind of disrespect for his own religion. Having said that, if I were a guy in his position then I'd probably not want to show up wearing the hat, even if I really wanted to attend. Not b/c it might go against my own beliefs (or lack thereof) - symbolically the hat means nothing to me and anyone else who isn't Jewish - but more b/c I'd feel I was making a mockery of Judaism by wearing it when I don't follow the religion? Maybe that's where he's coming from.

The only thing you can do is have him attend without the hat, if you really want him to attend. Those greeks wont budge for love nor money, stubborn creatures that they are, and I doubt your man is going to change his mind on the hat. My bf is also greek orthodox and, tbh, I felt weird enough taking him to a fairly standard protestant wedding, which isn't really that much of a religious affair, and that's without hats!

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