can they work? have they worked for you? tell me your thoughts/stories!

Yeah, I was in one once. I guess all together the relationship was 2 years or so. Truthfully, it depends on who you are but from stories I heard and my own experiances, it only lasts for so long. If you are ok with not getting too deeply involved and you're not the jelous type than it's an ok path.

Like I said, it completely and totally depends on the person. It's one of those things.

They can only work if the feelings are equally mutual on both sides. They generally will never work with a jealous type of person, because no matter how much they may tell you they are fine having such a relationship, the thought of another guy/girl being with you is enough to set them off in their minds, and they'll try to hide it, but it'll be broiloing on the interior, and it eventually bubbles right out.

It's kinda like having threesomes..they can only be accomplished really without having any feelings for anyone involved.

I've been wiith my current bf for almost 13 years. We were open as far as me seeing other girls for the first four years, and then we were open all the way. We each dated other people, etc, and have been in a successful loving triad for about a year now. Our gf lives with us and we are a happy little family unit. It takes work though. Like ANY successful relationship.

You can't be 'the jealous type' but even more importantly than that, you can't be insecure. About yourself or your place in your SO's life.

I'm very secure in my current relationship. My mom always says things like, "What if he leaves you for another woman?" But honestly if he can have us both why would he unless there was something inherantly flawed in our relationshp, in which case he would leave me ANYHOW, another woman involved or not. My mom also says "what if your gf is just 'going through a phase and what if you end up getting hurt' but really to me getting hurt is worth the risk of finding someone that you love and are compatible with. I mean, honestly, if you were afraid of such things you would never date anyone let alone have an open relationship.

A poster above me said "they only work for so long" But I believe this to be true of most monogamous relationships as well, if it weren't true, the divorce rate wouldn't be sky high. It seems that when a polyamorous relationship doesnt work, people blame it on the relationship style, but when a monogamou relationship doesn't work no one stops and questions if monogamy was at fault. It's such a double standard.

If you have any other questions feel free to PM me for my aim sn or ask them here and I'd be more than happy to answer.

It would tear my heart apart to know my guys' ass was being torn apart by another guy. I just see it as a licence to cheat.

If you're in an open relationship there really is no 'need' to cheat. Not that it doesn't happen. But just seeing other people if you are in an open relationship is not 'cheating' as cheating implies dishonesty. and if everyone knows, it's a-ok.

Our gf cheated on our bf because she had sex with someone that he expressly told her NOT TO. (he was the guys boss at work and thought it might make things terribly uncomfortable) but even though the three of us are in a relationship together that doesn't mean we can't add more people or date people outside of our triad. That is not cheating as long as everyone knows about everyone else involved and there is no dishonesty involved or an ignoring of a 'veto' on someone (like with gf and that guy)

I guess I just like the exclusivity of 1 on 1, cock2ass. But that's just me. If you can make it work, more power to you.

thanks for your replies, esp lottie

maybe this isn't for me after all. i only ask because i get so bored with boys, and the idea of being in a relationship doesn't really appeal to me much because it means i can't enjoy going out with and getting to know other boys at the same time. but i definitely have a jealous streak, so i guess maybe i should just wait around until i find someone that doesn't bore me? i don't know.

Lottie, darling. You rock. It's so wonderful to hear of someone making a situation like that work!

I have a strange sort of situation ... I'm celibate now, but my girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years. We've never had sex but she's completely understanding about my need to wait (the reasons why I need to is a whole other can of worms). When we were first "dating", I dated a few men as well, and even had a boyfriend for about 6 weeks (yes, I had sex with them) ... neither of us believe in monogamy. Plus, she wants to study the behavioral patterns of elephants in India and I'm going to be ... god knows where. I want her to be free to do what she wants, with her life and her body and her emotions, and she allows me the same luxury. It's quite nice.

The only reference I have is a friend of mine was in an open marriage. It worked for three years, then disintegrated. Why? Her husband was a good deal older than her and thought that she'd "settle down" after a bit and start crankin' out babies.

But se la vie.

It worked for them for a while, however, because they communicated a *LOT* and were very safe and respectful of each other's health, needs, etc. Neither were insecure or jealous people, and if feelings like that were to arise, they would talk about it.

I'm all for it, but I've yet to get a guy to go along with me on this.

Then just be single and have lots of random sex. Much more fun!

You could become a religious cult leader and convince your followers you need multiple husbands/wives

Bad advice, but good plan

I say NO.

My first relationship got a bit tangled when we made 'friends' with another couple. 1 + 1 is the only way to be. If in doubt watch "Chasing Amy". I think that explains most things, or if you're absolutely desperate to try do it while you're young, in a relationship you maybe don't see as being 'the one', so you can get it out of your system.

In one sense you don't want to find yourself married a few years down the line and suddenly 'curious'. imo.

hmmm perhaps 1+1 is the only way to be FOR YOU. I am terribly happy with my situation and have been for many years. I would hate for someone to feel like monogamy is the only way and miss out on meeting people who cold easily become loves and be a family to them just because it didn't work for one person. monogamy doesnt work for me so I'm not going to say, "Oh, 1+2 is the ONLY way. That seems a bit closed minded.

That's why I wrote imo - in my opinion.
There's no need to be on the defensive, I have friends of all different persuasions, and if it's good for them, that's all that matters.

Edit: Read the post properly next time before you bite someone's head off.

for one, I read and re read and didn't even notice the imo, so my apologies, also I didn't think I was biting your head off, sorry you saw it that way.

as a matter of fact I just reread it and still don't see an 'imo' maybe I'm just blind.

It's difficult without hearing your intonation as to know whether you're being aggressive or not - 'imo' is the last word on the post.

My friend just got engaged and had a kid tyo a dude.... They had an open kissing relationship, fuck even I've kissed them both before but hell it can work as long as there are boundaries but it's not a lasting thing, you have to settle at some point or jealousy and envy are inevitable.