I had a dream about you fucking me over and her fucking me over too...i know it's my insecurities coming out, but I dont care anymore.

you're so different IRL than on the nets, you're slightly more retarded, altough you do come off as retarded on the netz too, and you are the opposite of what you make it seem like. really you lack guts, but so do I beause otherwise id be telling you this to your minging face.

i never feel cool enough for you and i know you don't keep me up to date with the things that you do. i'm so proud of you but you seem bemused by it. when you tell me not to cry over you because you're not worth it, it just shows me that you don't feel like i do about us. i want you to tell me you love me more than i want anything else because i can't do it first. i cry when we're cuddling up to sleep sometimes because i feel so strongly and feel so alone in it. i want you to just say the right thing for once. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.

come back imiss you loads ?

you shouldn't say things like that we "hate you" and that you're so good to us but we're "so horrible" to you. firstly because you know it's not true but also because it's not very proper or fair because it wouldn't be very appropriate for me to tell you that i love you and i miss you if i go a day without seeing you. now would it?

i cannot believe you said that to nick! i don't know anybody else whose boss would announce to the guy they've been out with a couple of times that they're "dying to shag you"!?! what is wrong with you?! you're so unbelieveable and you are so lucky i laughed, mister!

being with you is like being with alan partridge. you're a hideous, arrogant, mean-spirited bully and you make me cringe. why they put up with you is beyond me. the only reason i can't say this to your face is that i like nick and i can't really go round slagging off his friends! but roz, stuart and i fucking hate you, you bellend.

you are creepy. do you really think that a 22-year-old would want you? seriously? we've even established that your daughter is older than me. hello? how can men be so dillusional about these things? constantly calling yourself an "old fart" doesn't do anything, it doesn't make you look like you have a youthful, self-deprecating streak or make me want to say "no, you're not". maybe if you did more than just sitting eeeeeeevery day and night in a pub, on your own, staring into space, wearing an anorak, you wouldn't be so desperate that you think a barmaid making occasional smalltalk with you means she wants to fuck you. you are having a midlife crisis, please have it elsewhere!

i really, really like you but i just want to be friends. you're really funny and fun and i like being around you but i don't fancy you.

it is very often a joy to be around you and today was no exception.

oh good idea, lie to me some more. i love it.