hello!

i made a thread about this a little while ago but it was ruined by everybody's favourite tomsk.

well, i'm into my 6th month of a relationship with my boyfriend. i have a few problems. i think a little background will help so here's a quick outline of my previous 2 relationships:

#1. manic drepressive drug addict who tried to kill himself before we were together. told me he loved me very early on, relied on me emotionally but cheated on me several times.

#2. mental case as it turned out. nobody told me his ex had a restraining order out on him...he slapped me about, strangled me etc. etc. didn't let me see my friends, was verbally abusive. i could go on.

i'm getting myself into a state because i'm not getting any emotion from my current boyfriend at all. i love him but i haven't told him because i don't feel that he'll say it back. when we're apart, sometimes it feels like he doesn't care at all. when we're together though, it's different. he's so affectionate and we get on like a house on fire. sometimes when we having sex, i could believe he loves me from the way he looks at me. he's told me he's not an emotional person, he hates it when i tell him i'm worried about us. he never seems to understand why i would be. we never talk about that relationship, we're both so shy in that way.

here are my questions:

1. do you think this is normal, to not have made any grand statements of feeling by 6 months?(i think i'm just used to nutters.)
2. what's a good way to bring up 'relationship talk' without scaring off a young (18) guy with no relationship experience or being scared myself.
3. should i set more store by his affection than his silence?

if you read this much you deserve a medal.

i love you kr! x

i have no advice for you. but i would like my medal now please.

I'm not sure but if he doesn't understand why you'd be worried about the two of you, he must be comfortable with whats going on. As well as the way things are going. I'm guessing he'll express how he feels later on when hes ready.

Btw I would also like my medal

i get like that soemtimes too because of past relationships. chris doesnt really say i love you often. he says he doesnt because when he does say it it will mean more. and it does. but sometimes it makes me worry. actions do speak louder than words. you can tell more about a person by their actions than their words BUT sometimes you just need to hear it to be reassured.
i think your situation is pretty normal considering the backstory.
and you said he's never been in a relationship before? do you think that maybe he's just as scared?
i dunno, i usually tend to find that guys express their emotions more through action than through words. i dont think you should be worried yet!

i agree. i think boys maybe show their emotion physically rather than verbally because it's easier and isn't as definite a statement. he hasn't been in a relationship before i don't think. we haven't even talked about histories with other people. i'm wary of bringing mine up (although he knows some because we were friends of sorts before we got together) because i worry that it'll scare him away. do you think girls in general need to hear the words more? x