OK, I am in a happy relationship- well, at least I should be. My man is great, have been with him over a year, he spends practically every night with me sans the odd night out with the lads like once every 3 weeks. He showers me with attention and love. The problem? I am a very insecure chick. I consume myself with paranoid thoughts about him and other girls (yes, I was cheated on in a past relationship). The thing is there IS no other girls and in my sane mind, I know it. I am with him almost all of the time, no girls are calling, etc. I also obsess about his ex's. None are in the picture at all. What can I do to stop being so damn stupid and insecure before I end up finally chasing him away? Thats the thing, I am dumb enough to confront him constantly with all my jealousy crap, and he has been patient, etc. I know I need to stop. HELP! I wish I could be mature and secure enough to just ENJOY my relationship instead of obsessing over imaginary things.

That is the age old wish. Good luck with that.

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LOL, true.

Coriandre's right (love your avatar, btw ). However, paranoid people find it extremely difficult to just ignore the source of their paranoia. They're inclined to consider "turning your back on a monster" as "ignoring a monster and letting it rage on behind your back". It's good that you've informed your boyfriend about your paranoia, sugar. I know you don't want to be fucked over again, but consider that your boyfriend doesn't want that for you either! What kind of person would hurt you after you've so seriously expressed your fears for such. Why would he cheat on you under the awareness that you've been cheated on before, and it's something that's always bothering you? He puts up with your paranoia for a reason - because he wants to be with you. He sounds like a pretty decent guy, and it's important that you let him know you think such. Stress that the problem is yours, not his, and how you appreciate his empathy.

Consider all the girls out there who have never been cheated. It's happened to you once, and it's not likely to happen to you again. Especially since your boyfriend knows how sensitive you are to it. You've established that you are paranoid, he will always be aware of it, and now it's time to move on. It would be highly foolish of him to cheat on you, given your super-sensitivity, as you would probably find out.

As Coriandre said, focusing on a certain possibility increases the likeliness of that possibility to be made reality. It's important that you concentrate on making your relationship a happy one, embracing the good things and appreciating what you have. If you strengthen your relationship in this way, your boyfriend shouldn't think twice about endangering it.

Some excellent advice, Sugar8. Like others have said, he wouldn't be with you if he didn't care for you. Relax & enjoy (if only it were that simple, eh?)!

Good luck! Just try to believe that you deserve to be happy ....

maybe you should try spending less time with him? if you weren't with him everynight, etc. you might have more things to focus on than him, and this might make you feel a bit more confident and secure.