I know this is a really ghey thing to ask but i figure KR is as good a place to try as any... whether you are the guy or not can change every time? you're not the guy for life? can it change every sex or with every partner?

i think if he's in love with you, don't do anything. Surely he's clued in enough to take hints? he should be able to ride out the lack of reciprocity with grace and not affect the group dynamic.

"...loves you and stuff "

I wanna know more about the "and stuff."
Love is boring to me today.

Varies from person to person, I think. Some dudes are total bottoms and will take it from anyone, some dudes are tops and won't ever take it. Personally, it depends on the person I'm with. If they're not naturally the dominant one, they can't really be the top. I figure if someone's going to be the man in the relationship, they need to be able to dominate me. It'd be weird being bummed by someone who was really girly or really obviously inferior in some way.

No, that's the problem. You know how they say "treat em mean, keep em keen"? Well it works both ways. Me being a jerk just seems to attract him more.

? I find this strange. I find it weird when people bring this kind of domination/inferiority thing into the bedroom, I don't know how healthy it is. But I'll probably change my opinion on it tomorrow, it's just what I was talking about in a seminar earlier this week. What do you mean by obviously inferior? I think this "roles" stuff is really interesting; I'm doing an essay on Lady Chatterley at the moment that's sort of related to it. Have you ever read it, by the way? I'm not just on KR for help with all my essays today, though it may seem otherwise. I really don't like Mellors, even though you're supposed to, what with him helping to make Connie all sexually liberated (but not really) and in touch with her body.

Make the most of it? But I guess it's harder to do that when you have mutual friends, aaagh. My friends would definitely be the ones stirring things up, and fair enough, I'd probably do the same to them. Unless it was going to result in serious problems, people being really hurt and so on. We're not totally heartless.

To be honest, in this case it's pretty much "if I could beat them up, they're inferior" and thus "if they could beat me up, I'm inferior". But it's not just about physique. If someone's the assertive one, it kinda makes sense for them to at least be in charge of who does what. Sex where no-one takes the lead can be really crappy, I think.

I dunno, I just really like being dominated, but it doesn't happen very often because most of the people I **** are a bit **** and can't realistically dominate me. And I'd rather not fake it because that just seems pretty pointless.

Nah, I find reading about sex really weird, particularly olden days sex. It's worse when they use metaphors, like in DH Lawrence. Guh...

I just think our mutual friend is likely to have said that I'd probably be interested or something. I wouldn't imagine her discouraging him because she has a boyfriend, and thus she wants to make sure all her friends have boyfriends too so that she doesn't feel guilty for ignoring us for long periods of time when we go out together.