Talking about The Only Boy I've Ever Loved in the the cheque thread and Mark Ronson's Stop Me playing on my iTunes shuffle has left me pondering...stuff.

TOBIEL and I are, not exactly friends because he had the good grace to move one hundred miles away, but we still talk. He tells me all the things I'd rather not know, but have to listen to anyway because, well we're mates these days, innit. And that's what mates do. They swap stories about their love lives. But sometimes, just sometimes, I'd rather not hear about the girl he slept with last night. Or that the night before he had a wank and a cry because his life is so fucking miserable. I just don't need to hear it. Because to this day, over a year since we split up, he's still in my head. I don't long for him or hug my pillow at night weeping softly at my loss, but he finished it in such a cuntish way I never had my "closure" and...well, he's still everything I want and like in a guy. He's just not THE guy. Do you know what I mean?

So, I guess the point of this, somewhat drunk and rambling, thread is; how do I deal with this? Do I carry on being the friend until it doesn't give me stabbing pangs in the gut everytime the conversation turns onto his sex life, or should I cut him out of my life? Stop taking the calls, replying to the texts and emails?

I shouldn't think about him when I'm drinking wine.

Maybe I should email him now. Hmmm. That's always a good idea when drunk.

Fucking hell, now Bright Eyes is playing.

iTunes is determined to make me sad tonight, obviously.

Oh give me a fucking break! True Love Will Find You In The End, Beck now.

This is a joke. And I'm talking to myself in a thread.

Woe.

WOE.

if he had a cry and a wank at the same time that is called a crank, real word.

Ssshh. This thread is supposed to drop off the page and disappear into the ether...

Someone should invent some kind of PC breathaliser. NO POSTING ON INTERNET FORUMS IF OVER THE LIMIT.

Gah.

Crank. Ha. I likes it. I'll have to tell him that next time we speak.