Bit of background, I live with my boyfriend of 5 years and recently I feel more like im going to bed every night with my friend and housemate rather than someone i want to fuck. Which has left me feeling like shit because i dont feel i get a whole lot of attention off him, and this has made me less inclined to be affectionate towards him

A few nights ago I got a bit over friendly with one of my best friends when he told me he liked me and i got that butterfly lovesick feeling. (im not actually interested in getting with my friend as im not really attracted to him and am also good friends with his girlfriend and i'd just rather stay friends)

But my quesion is, is it worth staying in a relationship like this, do things get better (and yes i know i obviously have to make the effort in this, I've been trying) or is all doomed once boredom has set in. we do get on really really well and i like the idea of a nice easy relationship where we just get along and everything is lovely. i dont know

are you still inlove with him? if your not...well i think you should leave. i thikn it is wrong to stay in this kind of relationship if your still telling him you love him etc,but he will sense something is wrong if your being different from say last year.
Do you really wanna stay in this kind of relationship?

most relationships get comfortable and...i don't want to say boring really but yeah....eventually.

but if you're not still sexually attracted to him then something is wrong.
also you're questioning it. that's not a good sign either.

you've been together for 5 years, that's long enough to know the difference between a bump in the road and something you can't get over.

I am still attracted to him, but im not sure if i still love him or whether it has just changed into a diferent kind of love. There is no easy answer really i guess, maybe I'll just carry on not being sure for a while more

you need to talk about it and work on being more intimate without the sex bit, then the sex will just come so to speak. Force it at first and then it'll begin to feel natural and if that doesn't work you'll have to go for the big chat. Maybe he feels like you're not being affectionate towards him and that's why he's not doing it back.

You know in your heart if you want to be with him or not and you're lying to yourself if you say otherwise. We always know

good luck what ever happens. I hope you're all smiles at the end :-) xx

Well if you cant spice it up a bit and talk to each other about your relationship and how to keep it fresh......take a break for a few months, if its meant to be, maybe your love will be rekindled.

It's totally normal for a relationship to become very comfortable and a little boring after being together for so long. If you expect it to stay fresh and exciting forever then you're in for a disappointment. But there's a difference between getting comfortable and falling out of love. If you honestly feel that you've fallen out of love with him then you should definitely not stay. You'd only be wasting your time and his.

I don't know if you've fallen out of love or not, since I don't know you it's impossible to say.

However I think you should at least make an effort to make things better instead of breaking up with him right away. Otherwise I think you might regret it.

So what I'm saying is, at least try. And if it absolutely doesn't work, then you know what you have to do.

I am having similar thoughts on and off at the moment, although I have only been with my boyfriend for 6 months. I guess it depends on whether you are just stuck in a bit of a rut, or if you are bored because you are wondering if you are missing something better? And I know how much it sucks when you can't decide between all the pros and cons! And how guilty it makes you feel as the other person has done nothing wrong technically!

It's wrong to stay with someone out of habit, because it's easier, or because you're not sure if someone better's going to come along. If you're thinking about this, you probably shouldn't be in it. On the other hand, if you did stay, you'd only really be joining the thousands of others who make the same decision every day.

As with I'd say the bulk of "should I leave him?" questions that get asked on here, the fact that you're asking the question should tell you what the answer is. No-one here can really say "yes, you should" or "no, you shouldn't", because they can't know how you feel. The only real advice anyone can give is to do what you think is best. In this case, that could be to reexamine your relationship, take stock, and weigh up the pros and cons. It isn't just maths though. There could be one really good reason to stay with him which you know easily outweighs countless little reasons to leave, or lots of little reasons to leave which easily outweight one really bad reason to stay. You know better than us.

In terms of whether it's normal/whether it'll get better, it's normal, and it might get better.

As others have said, you need to talk to him & regain some level of intimacy... maybe spice up your relationship a bit to get the first date feeling back occasionally, surprise each other...

If that doesn't work then maybe you need to think about ending it... but I think people sometimes end this stuff rashly because they haven't tried to sort it out... so, just make sure you do what makes you happy/comfortable... you'll know if you give it a proper chance whether or not it can be worked out

Yeah, I agree, it is wrong to do it out of habit. I am a bit prickly with the situation I guess as this is my first relationship since my boyfriend of 3 years died 2 years ago. (Sorry, don't want to depress anyone!) I was wondering if it was just me being weird about the whole new dating thing, so in a selfish way it is kind of nice to know it is an issue which bugs other people too! It is a feeling which comes and goes with me, but I am in a diffeent situation as I go to University about 3 hours away from home where my boyfriend lives so during term time we see each other every 2 weeks max. So far it is working our really well, the good far outweighs the bad, and if you feel that there are more good than bad things about your relationship then maybe try to have a little time apart? If you really miss him then it will be all exciting when you do get to see him again, and if not then I guess that would answer your question! The naive part of me thinks that it would be nice to have a relationship that is continually in the 'honeymoon' period but.. from experience as long as sex is still fun for everyone (even if it is less often! !) and your both still into each other it is also kind of nice to be comfortable with someone who is also one of your best friends.

How much of a chance should you give it though? I mean, there's working through hard times, and then there's putting up with being in a loveless relationship because you don't think you can do any better.

i just bailed out on five years. fucking hardest thing EVER. i guess you're the only person who can judge whether or not you're happy but here's my advice...

it's only wrong to stay if you aren't happy.

things are never going to be new and exciting with the same person if you're with them all the time for years and years. but if you're happy... then i guess it's worth it. you give up the other shit - the butterflies for example - for the fact that you want to be with this one person more than you want the bottom to drop out of your stomach. it's not necessarily complacency, just reality. and sometimes they suprise you. still.

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if your not happy then its wrong

How often do you tell eachother you love one another? If you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, tell him, or talk to him about the sex issue. Maybe you could try spicing things up and maybe that might help?

They say... that all relationships become more of a friendship when the original excitement dies down..
Things do get better.
The honeymoon feeling ends and then you might get panicky feelings that the love has died with it. This isn't always the case. Maybe you just need a balance.
If you want this man as your companion, and it sounds to me as though you do, you should try to bare with him. He, like you, is probably feeling a bit anxious too. And though he probably doesn't know it I bet he misses the initial intimacy.
You should try to seduce him or something. Suprise him!
And if that doesn't work you could spike his drink with viagra - that last bit was joke!
Anyway, I don't think it's a reason to end it I think you should just try to have a balance.
Also try not to mention it to him, I know it's hard letting it fester in your own head, but the more you nag him the less he'll feel inclined to be affectionate and the less attention you will get in the long run!
Hope I helped!!

Oh, one more thing, I know this seems rich for me to say as I always ask for advice on message boards...
But you should never base a decision completely on someone elses advice...
Ultimately the decision is yours.

Good Luck anyway I hope you make the right choice for you.

heres my take. if this person is "on your side" and you believe in them and trust them and they believe in you and trust you, but youre wandering in mind and not really wanting to fuck your partner, i would look first at WHY.

its not just "well ive been with him for so long." i think, when there is lack in the bedroom, there is lack in intimacy. for some reason you adn he have grown apart. i would want to explore that reason and maybe youll get right back to the good stuff if you are open and talk with him.

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When I awoke, the Dire Wolf
Six hundred pounds of sin
Was grinning at my window
All I said was "Come on in".
Grateful Dead

Take a trip. See if you miss him.
Jump on him as soon as he comes out of the shower.
Take a trip with him and bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

If you're comfortable and bored but still in love, it's just a phase, I bet. I have been told that you fall in love with your partner an average of 5 times in a longstanding, committed relationship. All relationships can grow a little dull, you just gotta see if you're both into spicing it up.

And of course, to echo, above all, make sure you're happy.