hello,

has anyone here despised an ex-friend so much that it makes htem sick?
i used to have a very close friend who ws housemates with me. i was going through some hard tiems & distanced myself from everybody. she tried to intervene & help me. anyway, when she went overseas, i moved into a new house wiht my friend graham, & we set it up so it'd be ready for her when she came back.

anyway, to cut a long story short, when she moved back here she had completely changed. she was very distant from me even though she was fine to graham. i thought it was cos she was stressed. i was going through extremely hard times, very depressed & suicidal, drinking every day for about 8 months. i tried to keep it to myself but obviously it impacted on the other housemates. anyway one night i was so depressed i wanted to die, she was the only one in the huse,s o i went up to her room & asked her if i could talk, there were tears running down my cheeks & she could clearly see i was desperate to talk, but she shut the door on me & said "im busy studying, go away".

a few weeks later, she told me she was moving out cos she 'cant stand living with someone as fucked as me' anymore. this sent me over the edge - the stress of having to find a new housemate, etc. one night i got so suicidal that i overdosed on pills. i rang up a hotline & they told me i had to go to hospital, & get my housemates to drive me. she is the only one with a car, & it was 2am. so i asked her to drive me, she told me i was just an attention seeking drama queen, then went out.

we never really spoke much after that, but even though that incident happened over 6 months ago, i still cant forget it, it's like this memory i can't shake.

im still so mad at her to the point when whenever anyone even mentions her name, i get so fucking mad inside that it makes me sick. i have nightmares about it all the time. i work in a crisis centre, & whenever i get calles from people who overdose, i almost start crying cos it brings back memories of that night. whenever i see her, it makes me angry for days.

being this mad at an ex-friend is not healthy, but im not sure what i can do to make it stop. & no, talking to her is not an option, it will descend into a screaming match.

how do you overcome such anger?

it IS hard living with someone like you. i think you need to admit that before anything else constructive can happen. you spilled all your angst bullshit onto her a few times over it sounds like and she got sick of it. you guys obviously werent best of friends, just friendly and sharing a house together. it doesnt give you the right to disturb her world like that over and over.

that being said, you DO have a right to this anger towards her bc she sounds a bit inhumane. id be irritated with you, too, if i had to rescue you and put up with wailing and crying and general angsty bullshit, but no way in hell would i turn you away while crying or accuse you of dramaqueen when you ask me to take you to the hospital. she doesnt seem like she can handle that kind of shit in her life, which is probably going to make her a really unhappy person at some point. shes obviously projecting onto you about something/.

so go ahead and be angry, but remember to be angry at yourself for being so needy/pathetic and learn to care for yourself. you sound pretty selfish too.

__________________
When I awoke, the Dire Wolf
Six hundred pounds of sin
Was grinning at my window
All I said was "Come on in".
Grateful Dead

i think you should accept you have been hard to live with. i'm not bad with you, i'm just saying the truth. i can tell as i have my mum is psychiatricly ill for more than a decade now, and i had to deal with it, on good days and bad days.
i think you wanted her to take care of you, with is normal as a friend, but she wasn't a friend anymore, and i guess you didn't accept it.
some people change and no one can understand the "new" friend...
maybe she felt the same as you, coming back and finding you very depressed. maybe she's not strong enough to deal with it, that's it. she couldn't do it.
i might say you should take care of your depressing habits, even if it's been on a 8 months period, it can come back. like this, you'll can understand why you're so angry, and then overcome your anger.
take care and good luck

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I wouldn't take it personally..most people can't deal with all that drama, suicide threats, drinking. Sounds like she was just probably trying to distance herself from living in a crisis zone all the time...jsut self protection on her part.

It's good you got the help you needed and you are taking care of your own needs. Also friendships end because people don't have that much in common, it's not anyones fault, it just happens sometimes.

yes. i have been that angry at an ex-friend. i don't know how to shake that.
but i think she has a good reason to be angry too - it isn't easy living with a suicidal person - although she definitely should have listened to you when you asked if you could talk to her. but by the same token, you probably should have gotten help elsewhere.

anyway. i don't know what on earth you're doing working in a crisis call centre, jesus.

I was thinking the same thing.

Anyway, you will not be able to get over the anger until you are able to deal with your problems and let go of the past.

You had no right to go to her hysterically crying knowing that this girl didnt think of you as a friend. What would you have done if you were all alone in the house? You wouldnt have called this girl up on the phone. You should have called a true friend but i honestly believe you should have dealt with your issues on your own because you are your own responsibility. it is not your right to burden other people with your angsty crap.

When you were suicidal, you should have called an ambulance. Not went to this same person who obviously doesnt want to be bothered with your emotional issues and ask her to take you to the hospital.

You need to find a way to deal with yourself and stop expecting everyone else around you to save you.

AS far as the anger issue, I understand why you are mad but at the same time I dont think you have a right to be mad at her. You should be mad at yourself. This is a housemate who does not consider you a friend. Who apparantly does not want to deal with any of your drama yet you were constantly bringing your drama to her door---literally.

When i was 18, i had a nervous breakdown. Before it happened I was crying hysterically for weeks on end. I never bothered anyone with this. The day the breakdown happened i was feeling really strange and scared. I was blacking out, drifting off, and having rage attacks combined with crying fits. The blacking out scared me and I called my boyfriend because i was scared. He told me to call my friend because he didnt want to help me. I then had this strange calm, blacked out, came to with a bunch of pills in my hand. All i remembered was i just wanted my headache to go away and I wanted to sleep because i hadnt slept in days and I had headaches for days. I didnt knwo what i had taken. So i called my friend hysterical because i was scared and he called an ambulance. I was in the hospital for 3 days. My boyfriend didnt visit me, didnt call, avoided my calls. A week later, he called me acting as though nothing happened and wanted to pick up where we left off. I told him no wya in hell. He was surprised and asked why. I told him we were broken up. He had the gaul to say " I never broke up with you". I said you abandoned me when I had no clue what was happening to me, you didnt care to find out what happened or how i was doing, so I SAY WE ARE BROKEN UP.

I was angry, resentful and felt total regret and disgust that i was ever with someone like him. He made me feel filthy because i despised how he treated me when i needed help. All that went away when i dealt with my problems and moved on.

I told this story so you could see I understand why you feel the way you do and I lived through something similar. Except in my case, that was a one time occurrence, I wasnt a depressed, drama queen, looking for everyone else to fix me. I went to my boyfriend of almost a year when i started experiencing uncharacteristic behavior and he turned his back on me despite all the times i supported him through his crap.

this is exactly what happened to me, more or less...

my ex/ best friend, of two years... fuck i cant even begin to describe how much i dispise him.

ahhh,i cant even talk about him it gets me so mad

Theres no point wasting your time being angry when the reality is - she probably doesn't even think about you at all.

Just being blunt here: you sound like you are/were a pretty fucked up person, generally people who haven't dealt with that kind of thing before won't understand & won't know how to help you.
At some point you have to learn that it's not up to other people to rescue you all the time & you have to learn how to rescue yourself sometimes. You can't put a pressure like that on another person & expect them to be fine with it.

Think of it this way - you have one less person who doesn't understand you out of your life & while i think you should work on your dependency issues i also suggest finding friends who understand what being fucked up is all about. Then they won't care if you want to be a drama queen.

Move on. You don't need another thing to drag you down. Anger is a waste of energy!

I don't get it either? Who'd want to deal with everyone elses drama when theres so much going on in their own lives?
(Probably selfless people... so i should shut up haha.)