hello,

has anyone here despised an ex-friend so much that it makes htem sick?
i used to have a very close friend who ws housemates with me. i was going through some hard tiems & distanced myself from everybody. she tried to intervene & help me. anyway, when she went overseas, i moved into a new house wiht my friend graham, & we set it up so it'd be ready for her when she came back.

anyway, to cut a long story short, when she moved back here she had completely changed. she was very distant from me even though she was fine to graham. i thought it was cos she was stressed. i was going through extremely hard times, very depressed & suicidal, drinking every day for about 8 months. i tried to keep it to myself but obviously it impacted on the other housemates. anyway one night i was so depressed i wanted to die, she was the only one in the huse,s o i went up to her room & asked her if i could talk, there were tears running down my cheeks & she could clearly see i was desperate to talk, but she shut the door on me & said "im busy studying, go away".

a few weeks later, she told me she was moving out cos she 'cant stand living with someone as fucked as me' anymore. this sent me over the edge - the stress of having to find a new housemate, etc. one night i got so suicidal that i overdosed on pills. i rang up a hotline & they told me i had to go to hospital, & get my housemates to drive me. she is the only one with a car, & it was 2am. so i asked her to drive me, she told me i was just an attention seeking drama queen, then went out.

we never really spoke much after that, but even though that incident happened over 6 months ago, i still cant forget it, it's like this memory i can't shake.

im still so mad at her to the point when whenever anyone even mentions her name, i get so fucking mad inside that it makes me sick. i have nightmares about it all the time. i work in a crisis centre, & whenever i get calles from people who overdose, i almost start crying cos it brings back memories of that night. whenever i see her, it makes me angry for days.

being this mad at an ex-friend is not healthy, but im not sure what i can do to make it stop. & no, talking to her is not an option, it will descend into a screaming match.

how do you overcome such anger?

it IS hard living with someone like you. i think you need to admit that before anything else constructive can happen. you spilled all your angst bullshit onto her a few times over it sounds like and she got sick of it. you guys obviously werent best of friends, just friendly and sharing a house together. it doesnt give you the right to disturb her world like that over and over.

that being said, you DO have a right to this anger towards her bc she sounds a bit inhumane. id be irritated with you, too, if i had to rescue you and put up with wailing and crying and general angsty bullshit, but no way in hell would i turn you away while crying or accuse you of dramaqueen when you ask me to take you to the hospital. she doesnt seem like she can handle that kind of shit in her life, which is probably going to make her a really unhappy person at some point. shes obviously projecting onto you about something/.

so go ahead and be angry, but remember to be angry at yourself for being so needy/pathetic and learn to care for yourself. you sound pretty selfish too.

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i think you should accept you have been hard to live with. i'm not bad with you, i'm just saying the truth. i can tell as i have my mum is psychiatricly ill for more than a decade now, and i had to deal with it, on good days and bad days.
i think you wanted her to take care of you, with is normal as a friend, but she wasn't a friend anymore, and i guess you didn't accept it.
some people change and no one can understand the "new" friend...
maybe she felt the same as you, coming back and finding you very depressed. maybe she's not strong enough to deal with it, that's it. she couldn't do it.
i might say you should take care of your depressing habits, even if it's been on a 8 months period, it can come back. like this, you'll can understand why you're so angry, and then overcome your anger.
take care and good luck

I wouldn't take it personally..most people can't deal with all that drama, suicide threats, drinking. Sounds like she was just probably trying to distance herself from living in a crisis zone all the time...jsut self protection on her part.

It's good you got the help you needed and you are taking care of your own needs. Also friendships end because people don't have that much in common, it's not anyones fault, it just happens sometimes.

yes. i have been that angry at an ex-friend. i don't know how to shake that.
but i think she has a good reason to be angry too - it isn't easy living with a suicidal person - although she definitely should have listened to you when you asked if you could talk to her. but by the same token, you probably should have gotten help elsewhere.

anyway. i don't know what on earth you're doing working in a crisis call centre, jesus.