Hey, i want to know peoples opinion of what i am about to write next. Please be completly honest.

I have been very close friends with a friend for about 3 years. This friend has had some horrible stuff happen to her throughout her life.a few years ago she lost her Mother. Anyways a while back we both met this guy. I knew she liked him and they were together once. However, as time went by i relised i was in love with him. I didn't tell her anything. But in my heart I just had to let him know. I told him and he said he felt the same for me. There was bad stuff going on in my friends life at that time so i told the guy we couldn't be together. But then one nite we ended up together. When I told her what was goin on she was so so deeply hurt and has not spoken to me since.

Have I done a horrible thing?

simply, in my eyes yes.

depends how much you love your friend, because personally i put my friends before boys always.

i can understand if you really like him, but still she has got more than enough reason to be pissed off.

im sorry, shitty situation.

I knew she did really like him but i was in love with him. The guy and I have been dating ever since. I knew when I told her what was going on our friendship would end. She isn't just pissed off- she is deeply hurt. She said I am not a true friend and ultimatly I choose the guy over her. And ultimately the guy choose her over me so it was complete and total rejection from two people I guess.

well i hope you and this guy make things work, it has to be worth loosing a friend over. and you sound like you want it so *shrugs*

thanks for your opinion. I do feel awful but there is nothing i can do now. I know she is really hurt, she has never had much luck with guys whereas I have dated quite a few. I feel it had to happen.
like what would ye people have done if you were in my situation?

lulabelle what did you mean by it has to be worth losing a friend over?

I was in a similar situation, I was secretly in love with someone for 4 years, even though I was married at the time. It wasn't until my friend started to show feelings for him and made a play for him that I told him how I felt, I guess I felt jealous and was scared I'd loose him (even though he wasn't with me?!?!) and he said he'd felt the same but because I was married to a friend of his, he hadn't said anything. We got together and it hurt both my husband and my friend, but we decided that we wanted each other more. I wasn't stealing him from her as he said he wouldn't of had a long term relationship with her regardless of whether he got with me or not, and my relationship with my husband was a complete lie for 10 years and I would of left anyway. Me & my partner are still together over 2 years on and have a baby son. I lost my friend through it but feel that if the situation had been the other way round, I'd be happy that she'd found happiness and I'd look for someone who wanted me as much as I wanted them.

dizzytart do you ever regret what you have done? Do you feel like you lost a good friend or that etc aND what do you think you would have done in my situation cos it is a bit different to yours.

you should have let her know how you felt before you said anything to him. She was your friend afterall. It's always better to be honest but it's all out now. Just try to be there for her but understand if she needs some time xx

i knew even if i had told her our friendship could end. So i waited for her feelings to go for him- but they didn't and either did mine. So I made amove and told him how i felt. Also i had to know we were meant for each other before i told her so we kissed. and then i knew.

I can't be there for her. She won't talk to me. She said she doesn't trust me.

i wouldn't talk to you either. you are a bad friend. my old friend choose her bf over our like 7 years of friendship and she had been with him for 6 months. if you really valued your friend and her feelings and all that then why didn't you talk to her about it before you told this guy? that guy will probly be out of your lifein a year or whatever, who are you going to cry to when he does? i hope she isn't there for you, i know i wouldn't be. of course not listening to your own feelings is crippling at times, but sometimes you have to sacrifice things for people if you want them around and you care.

why did she have to choose?

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Now honies play me close like butter played toast

The same thing happened to me.
It was awful.
My friend also picked the boy over me time and time again and I had to be there for her when it all ended.
I love her to bits but it hurts.

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Diving for pearls.

I want a lolly.

it was a series of events. i got sonic youth tickets that were HARD TO GET and i had them 3months before the show and she said she was coming etc and then 2 days before the show, she TEXT MSGED me, didn't call, and said she had to work. she was also going to another concert with her bf like a month later and got work off for that, just not al the concerts with me. she would call me and all she was WILLING to talk about was him. iw ould bring up things and she would turn them around and relate them to him. after a few months of this, it was enough to know that while she was getting fucked by some skinny emo, that was her world and she only called me when she needed something or a place to stay.

i don't think it's that horrible. it sounds a bit like it might've ended quite badly between them even if you hadn't been involved. however, having been on neither sides of a situation like this myself, i guess i can't judge all that well.

I don't ever regret what I've done. I would of done exactly the same as you.

A true friend would stand by you if you explained how much you loved/liked that person and wouldn't stand in the way of your happiness for their own selfishness. If your friend has no chance of a relationship with the person you are interested in, then how can they expect you not to be happy to please them.

Surely a true friend would want their friend to be happy no matter what. We all have to face things in life which upset some people at some point, we will always need to make decisions which not everybody else will like, but at the end of the day, you have one life, live it for yourself and those who truely care about you will wish you well no matter what.

Waited till things had calmed down for her in her life. You say "This friend has had some horrible stuff happen to her throughout her life", where does that come into your decision ? (Not awaiting an answer, but perhaps there's a constructive one somewhere in there for you).

And to make things clear, I don't mean "So i waited for her feelings to go for him". I think when you say "This friend has had some horrible stuff happen to her throughout her life", it shows (or atleast the portrayal) that there's a lot of instability, and therefore my question.

Kitty kitty i hope i don't sound dumb but i don't get what you mean.Could you explain it again?