When I was 15, and this was a world (and a thousand walks) ago, I was 260lbs. and some guy actually asked me, in real life, if I worked out. All serious like, it was very awkward.
And someone also asked me, first thing they said to me, if I like swimming naked in public pools. But in this whole paedophilia way, not in a kooky way. I had a bad day with weird gay people at the time, so I almost ran screaming out of the room, ripping my clothes off.

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Breathe in, come out

SK and I were in the Starbucks on Astor Place complaining about some douche who cut in front of us on line in the Starbucks across the street. The guy standing in front of us, wearing bright red pants, turned around and said, "I can be a douche bag if you want me to," and smiled like an idiot.
The pickup line didn't work, but we'll remember it forever.

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That could have been me, Manhattan. I am a gay pedophile living in T.O, afterall.

No, it couldn't have been me, cos I would never use a pick-up line in a million years.

"Oh my, you got a such a sexy accent, Where you from?"
"Russia"
"Oh really? what part?"
"Moscow"
"Do you like it here?"
"..." "I don't know, Do you like it here?"

Yeah, definitely the 'I can be a douche bag if you want me to' line was the worst.
There have been some other generic ones, but that one was definitely the worst.

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Cheeseburger lips!

... sure, i thought, "i bet under that dress you're a band camp geek" was kinda only mildly flattering, (who knows, maybe he liked being my bitch) but hey... we can't all get "I can be a douche bag if you want me to"

"hello loverlips"
"hi" :awkward smile:
"what's your name?"
"sorry, do i know you?"
"you should!"
"sorry what's you'r name?"
"i'm robert/roger"
"bye robert/roger"



i only stuck around cos he called me loverlips. and i had my malibu barbie lipgloss on

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you'll go to hell for what your dirty mind is thinking

Some guy once told me I had great boobs and asked if I had implants. I'm a 34A

haha

gross stinky 50 year old waiting for the bus


him: "do you have a cigarette i can borrow?"
me: "no, sorry"
him: "do you smoke?"
me: "no"
him: "that's really attractive"
me: "pardon?"
him: "and your so polite, with those glasses you're like a little secretary"
me: "oh.."
him: "let's go get a coffee, i'll buy"
me: "no thank you"


then i walked over to the coffee stand thing, bought myself a coffee, lit up a cigarette and just smiled.


the nicest one though was when i was getting into the elevator at my friends apartment building and an attractive drunk college boy started singing "brown eyed girl" to me, that was very sweet. i sang the "shan na na nas", it made me smile.

haha awesome

My friend was really drunk at a party, and there was a girl there who he had his eye on. He was talking to us, and as a joke, we persuaded him that "Nice legs, what time do they open?" was a good opening ice-breaker line.

The best part was, when he went to deliver the line, he somehow managed to get it wrong

Thankfully she saw the funny side...

Thats best!
I've only had the 'can i enter you tonight' Which i've already ranted about forever.

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Diving for pearls.

I want a lolly.

wtf! LOL
how insanely creepy.





I actually "wooed" my bf using cheesy pick-up lines... over msn messenger..

I already knew him, we went to school together, but I dropped out because I got sick. I'd always liked him and we'd flirted alot the last few weeks before I left.

So this summer, even though I hadnt talked to him for a while I figured I had nothing to lose, so I started bugging him on msn. It started out as a joke, but then I told him that he had to say which ones would have worked on him if I'd been using them in real life.

In the end I ran out of pick-up-lines-websites, so I said something like

"I'm at the end of my rope here, nothing has worked on you yet! What am I to do???"

him: "Who says it hasn't worked? "

me: "o rly?"

him: "Now that I'm yours, what are you going to do with me?" (I pretty much melted in a puddle of sap in front of my computer at this point)

A few days later I came back from my holiday, we met up, and two days after that we were a couple




In other words I've only had good experiences with pick-up lines....

Haha I had the stupidest one ever when I was at a bar in Queens ~ this guy kept asking me if I watch the show The King Of Queens and kept telling me it was his favorite show ~ I should watch it ~ do I want a drink ? I had to be nasty at one point " NO! I DO NOT WATCH THE KING OF QUEENS !!!!!!!!" LOL fun times at your local neigborhood bar. I felt like I was on an episode of the show LOL

"I'd like to see the way your thong goes up your ass"



Oh, and
"Excuse me, are you russian?"
"No, I'm American."
"No, you must be Russian. Would you like to have a drink with me?"

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You must live on land and I must live at sea.

WOM: Withered old Man
ME: Me.


WOM:"nice day isnt it?"
ME:"yes. It's unusual for this time of year but I'm not complaining"
WOM:"work for the post office?"
ME:"heh heh. What gave it away, the uniform or the stack of letters in my hand?"
WOM:"well, that's a great job! get to be out here in the sun all day..."
ME:"like I said, I'm not complaining."
WOM:"my name's peter."
ME:"Nice to meet you, Peter. I'm the Canada Post Corporation."
WOM:"ha ha."
ME:"yeah......"
WOM:"..........you have really great legs"

And with that I was gone, taken off like Britney's hair. It felt all icky. And it was at the beginning of my day so I had to finish my route thinking about running into him again. Yuck.

This happened in a record store

"What bands do you like? I love Rammstein, i have all their cds. I like to fuck to *insert record name here* (i can't remember it). In fact i think i will this afternoon, care to join me?"

I was 14 at the time.

Oh, and the best -worst one yet. In Birthdays card store, no less:

*random man picks up Gremlin soft toy. Shakes it at me*
"Look! You scared the Gremlin. Can i take you for a drink?"

The Rammstein line would work on me...only if we could watch the dvd and he offered to do a fake German accent though.

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Juices like wine, like the blood in the sands.