so yeah.
me and this guy have been hooking up for a good few months. we thought we would get into a relationship,so we did. i felt smotherd and told him i didnt want to be anymore but we still contiued seeing eachother.
We both work at the same place,altho i do days and he does night so we only see eachother 5 mins , if that at work. A few months ago he drank so much he woke up in his bed the next morning and couldnt move,then got rushed to hospital and said if he wasnt found within an hour he would have been dead. ( he has diabeties ). now,although his drinking has settled he is still drinking far to much.
Everyone at work say i am the person to help him stop drinking and am really good for him. Iv already helped him alittle by telling him what he needs to hear and by keeping him in on days he doesnt need to drink. Thing is im not actually 100% sure i want to be with him. some days i do,and then others i dont. i just dont want to be in a relationship. he is very ... clingy? i have told him he smothers me to much, he says hel lay off .. does for about a week then starts being his usual self.
i just dont know what to do. il feel bad if i stop seeing him all together as his drinking will go back to place.and if i stay there is no gurentee itl be for long. and plus i dont know how happy i will be. But he tells me he has all these feelings for me..
aah
im just so confused.

see that is why it is a good idea to get to know someone before you start a relationship with them.

yep

shit.

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Diving for pearls.

I want a lolly.

so what if people say you;re good for him? you obviously don't want to be in that relationship 100% and even though you care for him, he isn't your responsibility at the end of the day..
it would be worse to stay with him for those wrong reasons

but i mean i don't know, do his friends/family know about his hospital visit or anything?

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no no never say maybe to smack bunny baby again.

You obviously don't want to be in any sort of relationship with him, so just stop being involved with him. Especially since you said he tends to be clingy.... You need to end things with him, be firm about it and stop giving him any false hope.

His drinking is NOT your problem. You can't solve someone else's problems.... especially when it's someone you're not even interested in being with! You don't owe him anything and you're not obligated to be with him just to try and prevent him from drinking. That is the totally WRONG reason to date someone. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

i agree 100% with shy violet. Don't be minipulated to stay in the relationship because of his drinking.


YOu will regret it later. YOu are too nice

GREAT ADVICE actually most of shyviolet's advice is dead on how've you been?

iv known this guy for around 6 years

and shy violet,your right.

x

Although his drinking may not be your problem, you don't have to be in a relationship with someone in order to be there for them when they are in need. No one is asking you to cure his drinking issues. But it would be -nice- of you to continue giving him support.

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everything shy violet said.

i know how hard it is when someone needs your help, i've recently just helped a friend who was in a similar situation...he was trying to help his fucked up ex because of all her addictions even though it was killing him...and i've been telling him for months to just let her go. finally he told her to fuck off. not saying you should say exactly that, but in the end, you need to think of yourself first. so good luck, i hope everything works out for you!

Actually I think that's a bad idea. She said that he has feelings for her, and he tends to be clingy. So continuing to be involved with him might send him mixed messages and encourage his clingyness. He needs to just get the message that she's not going to be with him.


Hey kare2kares... I've been well. Pretty much as soon as I got back from new york I got a new job which is keeping me very busy.

Hey,

Here's some straight-forward advice.

His problems are not your problems.

If they're causing a problem in the relationship, then you have a right to set an ultimatum and say that if he doesn't stop drinking, you will leave ... and then actually do it.

You're not his mother. He's a grown-up now, and doesn't need you to tell him what to do and take care of him like he's a little kid.

If you're not even that into him to begin with, if you're not in love with him, then why would you want to even put yourself through all that crap?

I'm sure your real child wouldn't be a big, burping, smelly drunk walking into walls. I know I don't want a grown-up child for a boyfriend, and I'm sure you don't, either.

Good luck.

how would you know you only have imaginary friends