There was a guy I had a semi-crush on. Nothing intense, but if I went to the pub, he would be the first person I'd look for and the guy I most wanted to see.

We've hung out a little. I've heard he isn't really into relationships, and in the past I've been psycho about initiating relationships. So I may have overcompensated at being distant and acting as though I'm only vaguely interested. Although a lot of the time I did only feel vaguely interested.

He's said some things that make me think maybe he is interested. But who knows.

Anyway, we were hanging out last week, and I decided that while he's a really great guy, I'm no longer interested in dating him.

The next night I see him again. I feel the same way. Then he spends the entire night talking to another guy probably my age, and I feel a little jealous. I go hang out with some other people, and a couple hours later I see the two of them leave together.

It made me feel sick and I left. Thinking about it still makes me sick. I haven't been back or talked to him since (he doesn't have my number or know where I live). And now my crush is back. I keep thinking all these terrible thoughts, that him and the other guy slept together, that they'll start dating, that he'll like this other guy more than he likes me.

And I know it's stupid. If I didn't see him with somebody else, I'd still be taking him for granted. And if these two can be happy together, that's a good thing.

But I'm too scared to go back to the pub because of what I might find out.

Another problem is I'm not totally out of the closet and always feel like I'm sneaking around. And my life is kind of a disaster. So I was afraid to initiate a relationship a few months back, when otherwise I might have.

How does this sound? Next time I see this guy, I find out what's going on, but keep subtle. If he's dating somebody else, fine, I'll wish them well and say nothing.

But if he's still single, I just tell him I'd be interested in dating. Even if he says no, I think it would be better than constantly thinking what could have been.
If he says yes, I make an effort to be a good boyfriend. By not letting my closeted bullshit, jealousy and insecurities get in the way.

Do you ever get hurt and wish you could return to past hurts? I've spent over a year trying to get over a different guy and never thought I would. Now that this has happened, going back to that would be a comfort.

It's always better to tell someone straight up how you feel, especially before a real "friendship" grows, otherwise it can get a bit more complicated. There's no real harm in it, and if it works then hey, good for you.

No, I never wish to return to my past hurts. Ever. They hurt too much to ever want to revisit.

are you really cletus? how come you have like 20 names??

If you genuinely think you can do that then by all means go ahead...