For Thanksgiving my bf and I went to Boston to meet his family. My bf's Haitian and I'm from Eastern Europe. He told me that the lady we were going to took care of his mother back in Haiti and saved her. This lady also has a daughter who is almost the same age with my bf. When we met them they all hugged and kissed each other and I was fine with that since I figured they met for the first time in years. But then, the younger lady touched my bf's head, too food from his plate and ate some, and when he put some lotion on his hands she touched his hands to see if his hands soften. I told him I didn't like it that they were touchy etc. and it bothered me. He said she is his cousin. So, I was confussed as to whether she and her family were friends of his or family because to begin with I understood that her mother took care of my bf's mom and they grew up together. I got upset and he asked her "Tell her, aren't we counsins?" Then I said something rude and my bf is still pissed saying that I disrespected his family.
I don't know if I overreacted. In my culture we aren't this touchy. We hug when we first meet and then talk etc. He, however, kissed her again in the morning. I don't know if I'm too insecure or what I just don't understand this kind of behavior. Do you think I overreacted?
EVen if I did I still felt left out prior to this incident. They all spoke in creole and I could only understand 5% of the convorsation. Then we went to some other lady house and that one gave me mean looks and they all starred at me as I was eating. I just tried to be nice and smiled but I felt uncomfortable. My bf drunk too much and didn't care to ask me how I felt. So, yes..If anyone can give me some guidance on how to deal with this, I will appreciate it.
Thank you
Luci_

I don't think you're overreacting. I'd have a problem with that too. And also I think it was very rude of your bf's family to speak in Creole most of the time and leave you out of the conversation.

ShyViolet, thank you for your reply. We spoke about getting married but I don't think it's worth it. I was supposed to dump him long time ago. This really made me realize that enough is enough. There are not even blood cousins from what I understand, so that's really not right to do.
She was telling me that she would like him to go to Haiti on December 31st when she's going but won't be mad with me if I didn't let him go. How wierd is that? I mean it's not like I control him and tell him where and when to go.
Anyways, thanks again. I'm glad you do not think I overreacted.

Yeah, don't ever, ever marry someone even when the relationship has SLIGHT problems. Get those problems sorted out before even thinking about marriage.

It does sound like you're being slightly irrational. Maybe because your family isn't affectionate doesn't mean that his can't be. And maybe that is acceptable, that you were annoyed at their proximity, but the language? What do you expect? What if you took him to your house? In his house they speak his language. So one person gave you a mean look? Oh well, you can't be expected to be liked by everyone in his family. God, I don't think I am liked by everyone in my own family.

I think you are being really sensitive. But then again, maybe all of this is coming from another place? I mean, if there are other problems in the relationship then good that you realize that.

In my family, we always speak Spanish and I cant expect them to change their behavior because I bring someone over. They will be as friendly and welcoming as possible, but with a family get together SPanish will be spoken and guess who is the outsider? You are. Not them. So who has to adapt?