Ok, so how long can you date someone without knowing whether there is that spark or not? How long would you date someone if things were good on paper, but you're just not feeling the za-za-zu (to borrow an expression from Sex and the City)?

I'm especially curious to hear from people for whom it takes a bit longer.

On the second date, I was thinking of ways to get out of the third...but I am marrying him in 2008. It took a good few weeks to get used to him.

a month of dating.
Based on about 1-3 days of meeting a week.
If you're not sure you can always remain friends for a while and maybe one day you just suddenly get that spark. If it doesnt happen, oh well

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Thanks kr for the subscription! Much love..

ah yes... "good on paper".. the guy who, shares your interests, is sweet, funny...is everything you think you should date... but you don't feel the urge to jump his bones at every street corner??

Don't let the whole notion of "love/lust" at first sight worry you too much.
Think of it scientifically, while rarely do two elements spontaneously cause a reaction (some are very volatile...like some people and basically will attach themselves to any other element/person) most elements will react with each other...UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS...and once the reaction has occured, you can't do much to stop it.

So, spend SOME time trying to give yourselves a chance to feel a spark, talk about different things, do different activities...

I'm one of those, take a while to warm up people - all the results f not trusting anyone. So, i usually give most people some time before i make a judgement.

But DO trust yourself, and your own feelings, like it's been suggested here, about a month is sufficient, don't force someting that's not there.

I honestly feel that you should know whether there is chemistry there on the first date, or maybe the second. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't.