I know far more women who want boyfriends and "can't" find one than men who want girlfriend and "can't" find one, but here is the basic problem with most men who want but don't have a mate:

1. Have realistic standards: As far as I can see, this is the biggest problem with most guys I know. Their standards are ridiculously high and totally unattainable. Guys, unless you posing for covers of Men's Health, why do you think you are going to get the girls posing for covers of Maxim? Unless you are filthy rich, why do you think you are going to get the women that hang out at [insert favorite local hot gold digger hangout]? Unless you are a truly awesome guy, why do you think you can get a truly awesome girl?

Furthermore, the women you see in magazines and on TV are NOT REAL. Do you have any idea how much work goes into even a standard photo shoot in Playboy or Maxim or any of those mags? All the make-up and lighting and wardrobe and whatnot? ANd the post-photo shoot work also? The way you see the women in those magazines is NOT the way they are in real life; that is after a graphic designer goes through and removes all their skin blemishes, or artificially lengthens their legs relative to body size, or increases breast size, or dilates pupils, or does 100 other things to make the pic better than reality. Take this from someone who has hooked up with many women who have been models of one sort or the other, I can't tell you the number of times I will see a picture of the girl I am fucking in a magazine, and ask, "Where is this girl? I want to fuck her." Don't expect women to look like something that doesn't even exist.

You need to ask yourself who you are and where you fit in the social order, and then date girls that match up with you. There is no shame in trying to date up, but if you continually fail at this, then maybe you should re-evaluate what you think about yourself and what you can get. If all you do is hit on 4-stars and get no dates, start hitting on 3-stars (or do something to make 4-stars into you), and stop expecting all women to look like the unattainable and imaginary women that are in magazines.


2. Stop being so fucking desperate: The dudes I know that want girlfriends and don't have them tend to be desperate fools. I don't know if this is a function of who they are or their situation, but guys, there is nothing a woman hates more than a desperate guy. Act lke you already have it, and you will get more of it. Act like you don't have it and really want it, and you won't get any. Pretty simple.


3. Take care of yourself: This is a simple one also. You need to look presentable. You don't have to be super hot or dress like Samuel Jackson, but you should look like you care about yourself. If you are fat, get in shape. If you wear sweatpants to bars, stop. If your shirts have stains, clean them. Do you want to date a slob? Of course not. Then don't expect your potential girlfriend to want to date a slob either.


4. If you want to date someone, be dateable: This is a big one, and it applies equally to men and women. If you want cool people around, you need to bring something to the table that makes cool people want to hang out with you, and if you want to date someone, be someone who is dateable. Girls talk all kinds of shit about what they want in men, but at the end of the day, all most of them want is someone they are attrached to and who treats them well. For most women, this is not an impossible bar to jump.


Let me tell all of you something: If you want a boy/girlfriend, regardless of whether you are a men or a woman, and you don't have some major issue like mongoloidism or elephantitis, you can find one. All you have to do is be honest with yourself about who you are, who you can attract, and make some small simple changes to give yourself the best chance of getting a mate, and go out and meet lots of people so you can find someone you mesh with. It's really that simple.

wait, I'm confused...

I figured it was because I'm always yelling "RAPE!!!".

you are a SIF aren't ya?

IM A FELONY IOUS DRUNK