[Prelude: I'm almost afraid to make this thread. Since the person I'm invloved with is around here. He doesn't really leave the music forum, so I think it's prolly not a big deal. And it's not that I'm saying anything I'd hide from him. I just might be a little emberassed. But this is just his hangout. This is my home. Kittyradio is MY terrirory.... right? Okay I think I've given myself the needed peptalk..]


What's been your experiences with "friends with benefits"? How does this typically end up working out in the end? How long does it typically work out? How does the "break-up" go? Not just opinions, cuz I can cook up my own scenerios. I'm curious in actual experinces.


Any yes, before anyone asks me. I do have real feelings for him. He does not. But I'm an adult and can handle it... most days

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

my experience is that which ever person has the "more than friends feelings" will get hurt
and that would be you in this case

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

That's pretty much been done and I know will happen again. I guess I'm just wondering if there's ever a chance. How often does it turn into something real (we did date briefly before)? How often can people stay friends if and when it does blow up?
I really am okay with it being like this right now. I even think it's for the best right now. I just haven't ever seen this in anyone I've personally known to get a grip on it.




666th post. just let me be ghey about it! :P

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

hmm
well
how long have you been friends before the sex and then how long has the sex been happening?
that might help me relate it to a similar experience or not

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

oh god
i'm sorry that must seem really kinda nosy and maybe you are afraid i will judge you
i didn't mean it that way
you can pm if you want
i have had one fuck friend, we had been best friends for around a year before we ever had sex, who i ended up to fall for eventually though i wasn't originally interested in a committed relationship in the first place
but by then i had broken his heart and everything went to shit
we broke up and got back together too many times to count over the course of ten years
he is not my son's father
i knew him before that and it was in one of our break up periods that i got pregnant
i hold a special place for him in my heart but it just never all lined up right
he finally got married just this past april

as for is there anyone i was w. that fell for me though he didn't intend to?
well thats where it gets tricky and is why i asked what i asked before
pm if you want me to elaborate in comparison to your situation

but um are you trying to decide whether to hang in there or move on ?
becuase i would say move on if you have the chance or ability
and then if its meant to be you can always get together later
don't hold yourself out for someone who doesn't want what you want

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should i choose a noble occupation
if i did i'd only show up late and sick
and they would stare at me with hatred
plus my only natural talent's wasted

I've had one 'friend with benefits' It was fun for a while but then he got a bit too attatched & got mad at me when I spoke to other boys etc, then told me he loved me, which made things awkward.
We stopped talking for a while which was a shame because we really were good friends, but now everythings ok, & we can act normally with each other, although we don't see any where near as much of each other as we used to and we've both now moved on.

Fuck buddies, friends with benefits, they are both stupid. People can say but "I have had plenty of emotionless sex with this person!" No, a good part of the time one side will develop feelings. I mean sharing your body with the same person over and over for the purpose of only sex? Yeah right.

I think it depends on the people really..

We were friends for about a year and started dating. We didn't date long like 2 months. Stayed friends after the break-up and never stopped sleeping together really.

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

Aren't you like, totally Christian?

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I had a fuck buddy for a while and then i got bored and we didn't see each other for a while, although we had a drink on friday night, and it was nice, not weird at all.

That is kinda where I'm sitting. If I look at my life in fast forward, I want to end up with him. I want to be with him. He knows that. It's no secret. I feel so commited to him. I wont date. He wants his freedom but he hasn't dated anyone either. I feel like I'm waiting, just always waiting. How do you walk away from somehting you want? and I don't know about our friendship. He's my very best friend. We don't go more than a few hours without talking or texting or seeing each other. If I end this part of our friendship, it'll pretty much mean I have to end our friendship all together. It means too much to me I guess.

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

I was recently nominated Worst Christian Ever for my shameful backsliding.

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

umm you sound to emotionally involved for it to work out nicely. but who knows, maybe you can deal with that (though I don't think you'd be posting in that case)

you'll only make it worse and harder for yourself if you carry on and you're making yourself emotionally unavailable to new potential boyfriends. you shouldn't waste your time on someone who won't or can't give you what you want. i've been there myself and it's hard. i still haven't got over my feelings for him even though we're really good friends now and i'm good friends with his girlfriend. save yourself more pain and end it, you're worth more.

in my experiences, somebody always got hurt.
and that somebody was always me.

but hey, if you're into the self-destructive behavior, then go for it.
if you'd like to maintain your dignity and your sanity, don't.

pretty sure my dignity was lost when I started dating him int he first place (if you know that part of the story)
and sanity.. ha that's a joke

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getting tired of the collective orgasm at the public declaration of the word "change"

Dr. Nathanson

My current boyfriend and I started out as fuck buddies, but after a while I got really uncomfortable with it for some reason, and said that it couldnt continue unless we were going out. Needless to say, he asked me out and its been almost 8 months

I dont know why I developed those huge feelings for him all of a sudden, but I didnt want him to be available to other girls

If your feeling the way you say you are, then its really not good for you to keep doing this, because you WILL get hurt.

But take care let us know!

That is basically it.

I had one aaaaages ago (I am in your situation and someone I know might read this so I have to qualify all my statements now) and I never developed proper feelings for them, but they did for me. And that's what made it shit: hurting them, because we were such good friends before. It's kinda sad, we never talk now. Even if you think you're the "adult" one and can keep feelings and sex separate, things almost always turn crap in the end.