I started university two weeks ago and it's been rather better than I expected - I've met enough people like me to have friends and few enough to still feel special being me. I came here knowing that it would be really difficult to be apart from my boyfriend but fairly confident that I'd be able to cope with it, but it is even harder than I had thought it was going to be.

And now on to the inevitable: one of the new people I have met is a boy who is a lot like me. He's a philosophy student and we met after a lecture, when he introduced himself to me because I was wearing my Regina Spektor shirt (ah band shirts...I'm not very good at making friends so I am v. grateful to Miss Spektor, Sparklehorse etc for attracting interesting people to me without me having to make effort or awkward conversation). We've been hanging out together quite a lot and up until about four days ago I thought it was going to be a really cool friendship thing, but he sort of confused everything. It's really disappointing when people you think are cool go and disappoint you by doing something totally predicatable. We were sitting on my windowsill talking about stuff after the records we'd listened to had finished, and watching a thunderstorm when he tried to kiss me (though he knew I had a boyfriend). Obviously I kind of backed away in as tactful a way as I could and then we talked for ages afterwards and it seemed to be ok again. He stayed over because it was raining and his hall's about half an hour's walk away from mine.

I hadn't even thought that I might find someone new attractive at university when I was wondering how I'd cope. And I have to admit that he is cute, as big a Woody Allen fan as I am and interesting to hang out with. But obviously I have only known him for two weeks; when I see how other people are coupling up after only two weeks I feel that it's sort of wrong.

I think we were both feeling worried and guilty so we had a Discussion the night before last and said that it really Must Not Happen. I'm kind of worried that it'll have ruined our friendship in the beginning stages although it could conversely help, to have got that over at the start. Then maybe we could laugh about it later. But it hasn't really changed feelings, there's still that funny tension. I don't know if it's just the novelty of meeting variations on the theme of Me getting to me or the novelty of someone, let alone someone like me, being attracted to me. Or if it is just loneliness, or perhaps that my attention span has run out with regard to my boyfriend. I feel awful just for having these kinds of thoughts. I don't know if the fact that I've had them might make me too guilty to be able to be with my boyfriend properly again.

I do have quite a short attention span when it comes to boyfriends or crushes so this is possible. But it feels really sad to think that something like the relationship I have had with my boyfriend over the past...well, we've been best friends for about a year now, it sort of turned into something else around March. I spoke to him on the phone earlier and he was a bit distant. He said he was sad because he didn't really feel a part of my life anymore and was worried that I would forget him. I felt horrible because I was also worried that I'd forget him, but hearing him speaking so carefully and sadly on the phone brought it back. I cried after speaking to him because I don't know what to do. I haven't seem him for almost three weeks, but I think he might be coming to see me next weekend. But of course I'm worried about leaving or having him to stay because I have so much work that I'm supposed to be doing...I also don't know how well he'd get on with people in my block, because he's not all that outgoing. I wouldn't want him to come and feel out of place. But I guess it's almost unavoidable, meeting up with your best friend's new best friends.

It is quite a change because we used to see each other every day, living a minute's bike ride away from each other. So we never really spoke on the phone - what's the point in using disembodied voices when you can see someone in person? So it's taken a bit of adjusting to.

I don't really know what I'm doing...I always think that complaining about my love life is pretty silly but it's really upsetting/confusing/everything. I guess I'd just like some sensible advice or reassurance or anything; an outside view. Sorry this post is so long.

Thankyou

I'm not sure what to tell you. He should come see you and see where you're living, who your friends are, where you like to go out. Maybe then he'd feel more included. Then again, he might be able to notice a little bit of the tention between you and this other guy.

Do you love your boyfriend? I don't think I read that in your entire post. Did you want to kiss this other guy or was he just intruding in your space?

Coupling after a couple of weeks is WEIRD. I agree. I think most people do it because they don't want to be lonely or scared.

I also think you're just dealing with the inevitable here. Boy and girl go out for a bit and have a wonderful time. Boy or girl goes away to college and realises "holy shit, there are a lot of people here my age..this might be fun." Goes through the months and lies on the phone to their distant significant other, telling them eveything's okay, lots of work, some cool people, but mostly a lot of work.. then forgets to mention the sexy person they met and are enjoying, etc..

I promise, a lot of people go through this. The realistic outcome will be that you will feel upset for a while and then tell him you can't be together right now. Then you'll feel upset for a little while longer, until you find someone new and most likely better for you than the previous boyfriend.

I do, but I didn't want to write it and sound weird. I mean, saying all the stuff about how a new guy I've met is sweet and then desperately trying to redeem myself by saying how I love my boyfriend. But I'm writing it here, I do love him. I didn't want to kiss the other guy right then because it was so unexpected; yeah, it was kind of in my space. And I couldn't possibly kiss him because that would be cheating on Joe. But other than that I feel comfortable with/around him, it's not one of those things where him being in my "space" makes me nervous.

Coupling after the first few weeks is also silly because the couples don't really integrate with anyone else when you're supposed to be making friends...or the friends that they do make will be friends of the entity that is the couple, which only causes problems when these first week couples inevitably split.

I did think that Joe might notice the tension or possibly be intimidated. I don't know whether introducing them would be a bad thing - on one hand, this guy is one of my best new friends and I really like him and think Joe would like him but on the other, I don't want it to make Joe worry even more. He should be coming over next Thursday or Friday until Sunday.

I know, it is so predictable...I'm embarassed that I fell into such a cliched situation...